


Sex 101

by QueenBNYC



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Light Dom/sub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 80,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenBNYC/pseuds/QueenBNYC
Summary: AU. Allie is a sex therapist and Bea is her new client.
Relationships: Allie Novak/Bea Smith, Franky Doyle/Bridget Westfall
Comments: 373
Kudos: 201





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m still working on “Healing”, but this little fic wanted to be written. Pretty bossy. I’m not sure what I’ll do with it yet but I figured I would throw it out here. It’s written from alternating perspectives. Let me know what you think!
> 
> 💜

—

* _Allie_ *

My doorbell rang and I looked up from the article I was working on. Six o’clock already?! _She’s here_. I enjoy meeting new clients and this one was a woman, not one of the couples or single men which were more typical for me to see. I smiled to myself, picked up my glasses, checked my lipstick, and headed to the front door.

My first impression, of course, was the hair. My second was the face. _Wow_. But even great beauty must not distract, I am a professional, after all.

“Hello, you must be Bea Smith.”

Her hand was warm and dry, a little bit smaller than my own and I declined to release it until she looked up at me. 

“Hi, yes,” the redhead said shyly, her gaze quickly back on the ground.

Oh, goodness, she was sweet. I could already tell. One of the reasons this job was perfect for me was how easily I read others. I almost laughed out loud with delight. This woman had barely spoken yet she gave me a feeling like bubbles from carbonation were popping on my tongue. One of my colleagues would be receiving a very nice bottle of wine in thanks for this referral. 

“I’m sorry. Come in, please. I’m Dr. Alison Novak. You can call me Allie.”

She looked as if she wasn’t sure if she should hold my hand and cling on for dear life or turn around and run back out the front door. 

“Pleased to meet you,” she finally said in that sexy rasp of hers. 

_Oh, you will be, darlin’._

I just smiled.

I took her jacket, high-quality leather, leaving her in a fitted navy sleeveless dress that was simple and classy but still showed me her tight gym body, which I admired openly. Those arms were killer. I was far too lazy to exercise that often myself but I could drool over the look on a sexy woman if I liked. I saw her look at my cream-colored silk blouse, could almost feel her desire to touch it. She checked my shoes. They’re gold Ferragamo stilettos and I didn’t need to follow her look down to know that she would like them. Apparently, she likes clothes and shoes and texture. _I can work with that_ , I smirked. 

She followed me closely, anxious. I led her back to my personal office. This one would take some time. A softer approach. I could do soft. I found myself smiling thinking about it. It had been awhile. This could be the distraction I needed right now, If I was honest. 

“Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Yes, that would be nice, thank you.”

“Just so you know, when we will be having a session in the bedroom or the playroom, we will not consume alcohol or drugs, amongst other safety rules we will go over. We both need to be clear-headed and sober for that. Today, we won’t be doing that as we will just be getting to know one another better and allow us to decide if this is a good fit. So, under the circumstances, I would love to share some wine with you, Bea. Red or white?”

She looked quite disappointed. Very good. I concealed my smile. 

“Red, please.”

“Seems appropriate.”

She looked at me questioningly. In response, I reached out and slid a hand through her hair, smiling. She didn’t smile back but she shivered as I withdrew my touch and she didn’t try to hide it. Oh, yes, I liked her already. 

“Please, sit.”

She took the leather club chair I had subtly indicated when we entered the room earlier. Good at following nonverbal cues, I noted. Sensitive to tone. Almost hyper aware of my physical presence already. _So much potential._ I was very interested in finding out just what was under the surface of Bea Smith. 

I poured our wine from a decanter into two crystal glasses, taking my time and keeping my back to her, very conscious that I already had her full attention on me. I crossed the room and sat on the coffee table in front of her chair, handing her a glass of wine. Remaining still with my own. 

“Thank you,” she said, bringing it toward her lips. 

“No, Bea.” I said, calmly but firmly. 

She paused instantly. I gave her a small nod of approval at her quick self-correction. 

“No?” she repeated quizzically. 

I relieved her of the glass and set it next to my own. Leaning forward, slowly getting nearer to her, I took her chin between my fingers and looked at her closely. She was a stunning woman. There was pain in her eyes, as well. I would do my best to give her whatever she needed. _Soft_ , I reminded myself, although at the moment I wished we were in the playroom and she was a submissive whom I was able to properly discipline. We had far to go, if ever, before reaching that point, so I calmed myself. This was about her, not for me. 

“Bea. You haven’t done anything wrong. However, I did not say you could drink your wine. I have not had a sip of this exquisite vintage myself yet. I chose it in honor of our meeting and the beginning of our relationship. Perhaps I’d like to make a toast. I think you can be more patient. Yes?”

“Yes. I apologize.”

She said the words but a bit of fire flashed in her eyes and I couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Believe it or not, it isn’t just about my massive ego. You will get more out of our therapy if I can help you learn to listen closely to me, to pay attention, to focus as I instruct you to.”

She nodded and then graced me with a rare wide smile which ended up being utterly worth the wait, in my estimation. 

“And it’s only a little bit about your massive ego?” she teased. 

“Exactly.”

I chuckled and slowly handed her glass back to her. Waited. I smiled to let her know she had improved and I raised my glass, waiting for her to follow.

“Here’s to a future full of good sex.”

Bea clinked glasses and watched me take a small, discerning sip. Rolling the wine around in my mouth, I was quite sure I had chosen correctly in both my selection of wine and of client.

“It’s delicious. Please try some, Bea.”

She hesitated. I leaned forward and ran my hand down her beautiful face, running a thumb over an exquisite cheekbone. 

“Bea, I will never lie to you or trick you. If I make a request it will be just that, but I will be honest with you. We are just learning here, it’s only day one. We need to build trust for this to work. Okay?”

She nodded at me and took a big sip of her wine. Too big. Wasted on this peppery Cabernet that was far better sipped but she was quite nervous.

Understandably so. 

—

* _Bea_ *

“So what sort of things do you like?” 

The sex therapist - Allie - tilted her head at me. I still couldn’t believe I was here. It was very classy, though, nothing like I had worried about. Her office was in a beautifully decorated home, not a dungeon or a warehouse. Her voice was pleasant and playful and helped put me at ease. She was drop-dead gorgeous, though, which definitely threw me off. I don’t know what I had expected, but it wasn’t Sex Therapy Barbie. 

“You mean sexually?” 

I knew that’s what she meant. Might as well get it out of the way. 

“Well, that’s part of it. What are you looking for here? With me?”

The “ _with me_ ” part warmed me somehow. I shrugged it off as an effect of the wine I had finally been allowed to drink. I was honest in my response, partly because I’m usually a very honest person and partly because I wouldn’t know what to make up if I tried. 

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I’ve basically been with one man my whole life and it was... not good. And now I’m single but I’m not ready to date. My trauma therapist thinks I need to address both sex and personal connection. She suggested this as a way to try both and still feel safe.”

Allie nods as if this is totally normal. I guess in her line of work, maybe it is. I wonder if I can ask that question but I hold it in reserve for now. 

“Thank you for sharing that, Bea. At some points, it may be helpful to share parts of your trauma history with me or to select a way for you to let me know, beyond a regular safe word, if something triggers you specifically based on that history. But those will be your decisions. I promise you that you will always be safe here with me. We will discuss our safe words and emergency measures but mainly we will rely on our communication and trust for a satisfying relationship. I want you to get the most you can out of our time together and helping you figure out how we do that will be part of my job as well.”

I liked this. She made sense and I read no deception coming from her. In fact, Allie came across as incredibly well-intentioned, which I was unaccustomed to. 

“I used to think I just wasn’t a sexual person,” I offered.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s it at all.”

Allie looked over at me, all ocean blue eyes peering out from under her long, dark lashes, sounding so certain. I envied that level of certainty in anything and wondered how she could see it in me. 

“How come?” I ask her, genuinely curious as to her assessment. 

“Well. Personally, I think you’re giving off loads of sexual energy right now, for example.”

I blushed, of course, but she had offered it sincerely, both of her hands and slender wrists turned upwards. I noticed that Allie was wearing delicate cuff links and I had the strangest desire to place her wrists in my lap and carefully, so carefully, take them off for her. I bit my lip as I felt another craving break and wash over me, an urge to feel the silk of her blouse between my fingers... to get on my knees in front of her in one of her expensive chairs and slowly unfasten it’s buttons. I shake my head as if that can erase the image. Allie is looking at me curiously. 

“Plus, you’re here, interested in finding out what you like. So that’s a good place to start, yeah? Have you had sex with a woman before, Bea?”

Allie’s voice brings me back to our conversation and I blush even more deeply. 

“No,” I whisper. “But I think I would like to try.”

I don’t tell her that I don’t feel safe with men anymore. That when I discussed this with my trauma therapist, the only thing more ludicrous than the thought of letting a woman put her hands on me was the thought of letting a man do so. 

“Okay, Bea, well that all sounds really good.”

“It does?” 

“Well, not the part where you have only had one horrible sexual relationship, that’s awful. But we can fix that. And we can explore many things you may be interested in trying. Bea?”

I take a deep breath. I can smell her shampoo. It’s both spicy and light, with fresh lemon notes. It suits her. 

“Yeah?”

I try to pay attention, suddenly distracted by her proximity. 

“I ask that you always be honest with me. It will make our work much more productive.” 

Her hand is in my hair again, and it’s hard to hear what she is saying over my own heartbeat. 

“I’ll try,” I promise shyly. 

“Okay. Let’s test that idea. Are you disappointed we aren’t having a physical session in one of the rooms today?”

To be completely honest, I’m relieved. And also so disappointed I could cry. 

“Yes.”

—

* _Allie_ *

It was barely audible and she didn’t look up. 

“Bea. Look at me.”

She complied immediately and my mouth curved. 

“Good girl.”

Oh, she liked being called that. I liked that she liked it. 

“Thank you for being honest. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Hell, I’m disappointed we don’t have a physical session today. I told ya, you’re gorgeous.”

She laughed dismissively at that. 

“Bea? You do know you’re incredibly attractive, don’t you?”

This seemed to bother her as she just kept her head down and shook it slightly. It was cute at first, but it was starting to concern me that she had no concept of her own attractiveness. I made a decision. It wasn’t my standard procedure but she didn’t know that. 

“Hey Bea, I’m going to sit on the couch if you want to join me. Even though we aren’t playing today, working on building up some physical touch and trust is appropriate if you feel comfortable doing so. We can talk about anything you’d like.”

—

* _Bea_ *

Allie stood, pressing a hand to my cheek briefly before she crossed to sit on the couch. 

I wondered if she pitied me. I wondered if it mattered. She had seemed to genuinely think I was attractive but it could be her job to tell me that. 

_Fuck it._

I carried my wine over to the couch to join her, nervously finishing it. She laughed. 

“No need to be so nervous, Bea. I won’t bite. Not today, anyway,” the blonde winked and got up to refill our glasses. 

I found myself waiting like a puppy for Allie to come back to my side. This time I held my wine glass and waited when she sat down close to me. The blonde sipped from her glass and closed her eyes in pleasure. I admired her as her posture stayed stick-straight while her face relaxed. 

“Wow. You look beautiful,” I whispered, finding freedom in the words, and in her soft laughter. 

“And _you_ are a knockout,” she replied easily, spiraling some of my red curls around her finger.

“Bea?”

“Yes?”

“I know you said you’ve only had sex with your previous partner and no women. How about anything less serious? Have you ever kissed a woman?”

I shook my head and blushed. 

“We need to use words here, Bea.” 

Allie said it kindly but seriously. 

“In a place where safety and consent and communication are so important, our words are, too. Okay?”

“Okay. I’ve never kissed a woman.” 

I shivered at the look she gave me. Even I could interpret her expression. _Want. Desire. For me?_ I wasn’t sure of the rules but decided to take a risk. 

“I would like you to kiss me.”

—

* _Allie_ *

My lips curved at Bea’s request.There was that hidden boldness appearing again. 

“You’re already using much better communication, Bea. I’m proud of you. Normally, our activities will be reserved exclusively for the bedroom or playroom but I’m reasonable and good girls should be rewarded, after all.”

I’m not sure if I was trying to convince Bea or myself that yet another deviation from my normal working boundaries was acceptable.

Her amber-colored eyes widened when I mentioned her reward and her tongue darted out to the corner of her mouth as she looked from my eyes to my lips and back. I made no effort to conceal my responsive appraisal of her. However, I found myself needing to take some deep, even breaths to remain in full control as my fingers twitched for her. _Soft, Allie._

“Come here.”

I patted the seat next to me and was pleased at how keenly Bea moved to occupy her place.

“You said you want me to kiss you. Instead of you kissing me?” I asked her curiously.

Primarily, I wanted to give her the fantasy. Whichever she wanted was of no consequence to me other than pleasing her. She shrugged and appeared embarrassed again. 

“I just don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I see. Okay. Let’s try this. Close your eyes.”

Bea obediently closed her eyes and stilled. She looked even more innocent and it made me feel even more responsible for her.

“I’m just going to touch you lightly to relax you. Easy touches. Arms, face, maybe your back? And when I think you seem comfortable, I’ll kiss you. And if you want to, you may kiss me back. If you want me to stop at any time you may say ‘red’, ‘yellow’ for slow down but don’t stop. Clear?”

“Yes, Allie. Clear, thank you.”

“Bea,” I smiled and traced her collar bones with the tip of my right index finger, “You’re so polite. It’s very sexy.”

I moved to outline the impressive bone structure of her face, lingering over those cheekbones that made my mouth go a little dry, requiring another sip of wine. I ran my hands down over her shoulders and her arms lightly, taking her hands in mine. My thumbs rubbed the center of her palms, applying a bit of pressure that she seemed to enjoy, as she let out a breath she’d been holding. Her eyes stayed shut, really trusting me for the first time and I held space for and honoured that gift, as I tried to do with every client. 

“Hey, Bea?” I whispered. 

“Allie?” she whispered back, my name nearly solemn on her lips. 

My hands were in her hair again. They seemed to have a mind of their own today and I slowed myself down and focused on Bea.

“You are so beautiful,” I whispered to her sincerely.

I leaned in and softly pressed my lips to hers. 

—

* _Bea_ *

Her lips are so soft. She says I am beautiful. She is like an angel hovering there, all shimmery halo of golden hair and sparkling blue eyes and a Cupid’s bow of pink lips. 

“Are you okay, Bea?”

She wraps a hand around the back of my neck and I nod and then remember to use my words. 

“Yes,” I responded, deciding I was definitely going to kiss her back. 

She is talking but I do not hear her. 

That’s the last thing I remember before it all faded to black. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those that commented on the beginning of this, it’s made me want to explore it a bit more 
> 
> If anyone is reading “Healing”, I know! This chapter was ready first but that story will be updated in the next couple of days. xx

*Allie*

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty, time to wake up! Come on now, Bea,” I shook Bea’s arm. 

I was trying to stay calm so that Bea would do the same when she finally came around but _fuck_. God, it was a relief to see her eyes flutter open. Bea visibly startled until her darting eyes found mine and then tremendous relief seemed to cross her face. I found that oddly touching. 

“What happened?”

“You fainted. You were only out for a minute or two. How are you feeling now?” I peered at her, trying to conceal my own anxiety. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Allie. God, I’m so stupid. I’m fine, really.”

When she finally raised her head I could see that she looked utterly panicked now. She tried putting her palms against the floor but still found herself too wobbly to push herself up. 

I could feel just how overwhelmed she was and I backed away a bit and sat down on my bum on the floor, leaving a fair bit of space between us. I kept my voice low and even. 

“Bea. Just sit and rest a moment, okay? It’s alright. You’re alright. I’m going to get you some juice. Is that okay?”

“Yes, please.”

Of all the sexy things Bea did without even trying to be sexy, it was her _pleases_ that slayed me. She had me biting my lip with want while concern for her made the back of my neck tighten at the same time. Concern would always win out, especially with a client. Still, It was an unsettling and deep combination of feelings for someone you’ve just met. 

“I’ll be right back. Stay there, don’t try to get up yet.”

She didn’t respond so I scooted closer to her on the floor. 

“Bea? You with me?”

“I’m with you,” she smiled and confirmed, dazzling me all over again. 

I cupped her cheek and watched as she closed her eyes and nuzzled into my hand for a minute. I felt, more than heard, her exhale as my own breath caught. 

_Gorgeous_. 

Her eyes slowly opened and settled on my own, widening for a moment. I let go before she could pull away. 

“I’ll be right back, Bea. Do _not_ get up,” I warned her a bit more seriously. She shook her head.

“I’ll be here,” she promised quietly. I just nodded and headed down the hall. 

_What the fuck?! Get yourself together, Novak._

I walked into the kitchen and poured her a glass of orange mango juice, adding just a little bit of my favorite fresh pineapple juice.

I leaned my head into the fridge for a much-needed cool off, fanning my face. 

“Yo, Al, ya do know ya got a chick on the floor of your office, yeah?”

I startled and then felt a prickle of irritation. 

“Jesus, Franky. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Hot chick,” she offered. 

I just stared at her. 

“The one on the floor of your office,” she clarified and I rolled my eyes. 

“Yes, Franky. That’s Bea. Stay away from her, got it?”

“Easy, Tiger. I hear ya, loud and clear. _Bea_ is all yours.”

Franky put her hands up in surrender and grinned wolfishly. I sighed and slid my glasses down to rub just the bridge of my nose. 

“ _Ms. Smith_ is a little skittish and we don’t need you scaring her off. She’s my new client.”

“You have all the luck,” Franky grumbled. 

I turned to tell her off, but Franky had already gone into her office and shut her door. 

“She’s a client,” I repeated to myself. 

—

*Bea*

“Thank you,” I said, accepting the small glass of juice that Allie carefully handed me. 

“You’re welcome. Is it okay if I sit here with you?”

She gestured at the thick carpet I was sitting on. 

I nodded and she lowered herself to the floor beside me as I took a small sip of juice. 

“Mmm, this is good. Pineapple?”

She was staring at me. _Why?_

“Yes. I added a bit of fresh pineapple juice. It’s delicious plus you can use the sugar right now.”

She was quiet for a few moments, just watching me closely as I sipped the delicious juice. 

“Better?” she asked, cocking her head inquisitively in a gesture that was already growing familiar. Allie was a good listener. 

“Much. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Hey, Princess? You know you’re supposed to wake up when you get kissed, not go to sleep, right?” she teased. 

“Oops. I’ll get it right next time,” I joked, realizing as I said it that I wanted there to be a next time, another kiss. 

Allie stood, taking the empty juice glass from my hand and placing it on a coaster on the coffee table. She leaned down and offered me both of her hands, holding me underneath my forearms and easily pulling me up onto my feet, wrapping an arm around my waist just in case. It felt very safe and, for the first time, I thought that this arrangement just might work. Allie might be able to help me after all. 

We returned to her couch and she held my wrist, checking my pulse and making it speed up at the same time. 

“How do you feel? Is that something that happens frequently? You didn’t mention it on the medical section of your paperwork.” The blonde’s lips tightened. 

“No, nothing like that. I just skipped lunch and only had some coffee for breakfast and then I was rushing to get here on time so-”

“So you just chose not to take care of yourself,” Allie abruptly let go of my wrist.

The tall blonde stood and crossed her arms in front of her. 

“Are you... are you angry with me?” 

I felt suddenly miserable. Not afraid, though, I noted. Part of me wanted to tell the blonde she could just back off but I could feel her genuine concern underneath everything else.

She exhaled through her nose in what sounded like exasperation. 

—

*Allie*

Bea looked very contrite and that helped soothe my temper a bit. 

_Soft, remember, Allie?_

“It’s not so much that I am angry, Bea,” I sighed.

“I was _worried_ about you. Did that not even occur to you as a possibility? What we are working on here is not just about the mechanics of the act of sex. It’s about your overall physical, mental, and spiritual health and connection. I can’t work with you if you choose not to take care of yourself. It is reckless and, frankly, inconsiderate.”

My words caught up with me a moment after I’d said them, but apparently not soon enough to stop them from impacting her. She refused to lift her head and meet my gaze. I gave us both a minute and then sat back down next to her on the couch. 

“Bea? Have I hurt your feelings?”

She shook her head. 

“You’re crying,” I said patiently. 

“I’m sorry,” she wiped her face quickly. 

“It’s okay to cry, Bea, you don’t need to be sorry about that. A lot of emotions come up here. I just want to know if I have upset you. We are honest with each other, remember?”

“You said you can’t work with me,” Bea said tentatively. “And you’re a professional. A doctor. My ex was right. He said nobody would want me. That I was lucky he even wanted to... that he had to come home drunk to manage it and I should be grateful when he...”

She dropped her head again. 

_Oh, no no no_. It wasn’t hard to read between the lines there. What a complete and utter _bastard_. I couldn’t take the shattered look on Bea’s face. _She was going to be the death of me, this one._

She was hiccuping and crying like a child, in that way that gets you close to hyperventilating. 

“I didn’t say that!” I protested. 

Okay, maybe not my _most_ mature response but I was kind of shocked by Bea’s revelation. 

“What?”

My outburst seemed to halt hers. 

_Shit_. 

“Bea. I’m so sorry you were treated that way. I want you to know you will never, ever be asked to do anything you don’t want to do here. And of course I want to work with you! We simply have to agree on some conditions so that I know you are physically and mentally prepared for what we do here. Do you understand?”

—

*Bea*

_She still wants me. To work with me._

I instantly felt better. 

“Yes. I understand. And, honestly, to answer your earlier question, no.”

“Which question are you answering?”

“No, it did not occur to me that you might worry about me.”

Allie clearly didn’t like this answer. She looked as if she were arguing with herself inside of her head. I stayed quiet and waited for her, happy for the opportunity to simply look at her. 

“Well, I will. It’s... not just for you,” the blonde said, in the tone of an admission. 

I wasn’t sure what this meant and she must have been able to see my confusion, just as she somehow read most of my emotions so easily. 

“Bea. I need for you to eat proper meals and stay hydrated and get enough rest so that you are equipped for our work here. But I also need to know that you are taking care of yourself. Personally. To maintain my own health and well-being, I need to know you are taking care of yours. Does that make sense? If we do this, we do it together. Yes, it is my job, but I will still care about you. It’s not fair to my other clients or to myself if I’m constantly distracted because I’m worried about how many calories you are eating that day. Does that make sense?“

“Yes,” I said softly. 

–

*Bea*

_Other clients. Huhmph. Well, of course she has other clients. She’s your therapist, you’re not dating her._

I shook my head as if to clear it. 

“I know you must know enough about nutrition based on that body you’re rocking but I can recommend someone if you need help with that.”

I blushed as Allie eyed me up and down as she spoke. 

“I will draw up a contract for you to review before our next session. It will be a basic commitment that you attend our sessions properly nourished, hydrated, rested, and otherwise safely prepared. You will never upset me if you let me know you aren’t feeling well or have an injury. In fact, I must insist you communicate with me about such matters. I will make the same efforts so that I can work with you effectively. Violating our contracts will discontinue our sessions. Does that all sound reasonable to you?”

“Yes, Allie.”

She smiled at me, pleased, and I felt my whole body relax. 

“I should go,” I said quietly, looking at the time on my phone. “I’m taking up your personal time.”

She rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, because I’m going to let you walk out of here by yourself right after you’ve fainted. Not likely, Bea,” she teased gently. 

“Who’s that?”

Allie pointed to the background photo on my phone, a recent one where Debbie was grinning. The smile that made all the pain of the past worth it. 

“My daughter. Debbie.”

“Well, we know where she got her good looks,” Allie teased. 

I blushed and looked down. 

“Tell me about her?” Allie asked casually. 

“What do you want to know?”

The blonde shrugged. 

“Everything.”

I smiled as I told her about my smart, amazing not-so-little girl anymore. At some point she took my hand, interlacing our fingers, and we stayed that way, talking for another twenty minutes or so. 

“How are you feeling now?”

“Much better, thank you,” I assured her. 

She leaned in and lifted some rogue curls off of my face. 

“I... I should go. It’s getting late.”

—

*Allie*

Her shyness was so damn attractive to me. I think I might have kissed her again if she hadn’t said that just then. 

_What the fuck are you thinking, Allie?_

I looked her over and she did seem steady and calm enough that I felt comfortable allowing her to leave on her own. 

“Okay, Bea. I’ll call you an Uber.”

“You don’t have to-“

I simply held up a hand to signify it wasn’t debatable, as I pulled her address up from her contact information and ordered the car. 

—

*Bea*

It was so odd, this feeling. I tried to name it, as my trauma therapist encouraged me to do with my feelings. The closest I could get was that it felt like... being taken care of. It felt _intimate_. 

When my car came, I was both disappointed and relieved. Conflicting emotions seemed to be ruling the evening. 

Allie walked me to the door. She held my jacket for me to slide my arms into and when I turned around, I was standing much closer to her than I had anticipated. 

I swallowed hard. 

“Umm. So. Should I make another appointment?”

She smiled at me and winked and my stomach flip-flopped. _Wow_. 

“I’ll call you tomorrow to check in, see how you feel after you’ve had some time to process today. We can schedule our next appointment then, if you would like to.”

“But I don’t need to think about it.”

Allie’s smile grew wider and she opened the front door. 

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Bea. Be good, yeah? Go home and eat a proper meal.”

I nodded. 

“Okay,” I said softly. 

I didn’t know why, but I didn’t want to leave this house. The Uber driver honked and I regretfully walked towards the car, turning when I opened the door to climb in the backseat. She was still watching me. 

I gave her a wave, like a dork, and she just grinned and waved back. 

_What am I getting myself into?_

—

*Allie*

I had my face in my hands, pacing down the long hall after Bea left. 

“FUUUUCK, I need to beat the shit out of someone,” I mumbled.

“Ooh, me! Me! Pick me!”

I laughed and looked up. 

“Hey, Erica. Sorry. I didn’t know you were here.”

We exchanged kisses on the cheek in greeting. 

“That’s okay. Franky buzzed me in, I was just on my way back to her office. Rough day?”

“Yeah. In a way.”

“So, was that an actual offer?” Erica raised an eyebrow. 

I gave her a questioning look. 

“You mentioned you might need to... work off some of your frustration,” a perfect eyebrow arched in amusement. 

I raised an eyebrow back at her and folded my arms, projecting a powerful level of assertiveness without taking a single step. 

The smaller blonde made a small, low sound of appreciation before she lowered her eyes to the floor and clasped her hands behind her back, remaining completely still. Her submissive pose pushed me close to growling, considering the state I was in after my new client’s unconventional appointment. 

I cocked my head and thought for a moment. 

“You _sure_ you want to do that?”

Erica smiled at the delicious hint of warning in my voice but did not move a muscle from her pose. 

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Go speak to Franky. If she gives you permission, I will consider joining your session. Before you do so, you should know that I am not feeling even remotely gentle right now, Erica. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“You may go.”

“Thank you, Mistress.”

Erica’s smile was positively feline as she nearly skipped down the hall with happiness. I just shook my head and laughed quietly. 

Erica had originally come in for a session- it would be more accurate to say she’d been brought in in for a session- four years ago with her husband Mark. He’d wanted to know what was wrong with his wife and her deviant longings and the couple had reached a sexual impasse by the time he scheduled the appointment with a sex therapist, Francesca Doyle. 

Erica had long since ditched the husband and moved her appointments with Franky from monthly to weekly. I had worked with her from time to time when either the scene called for it or Franky asked me to assist or demonstrate a technique. Additionally, Franky and I did occasionally sit in on one another’s sessions, with the client’s consent, to audit and advise one another. 

Erica was a perfect example of a natural sub. She didn’t just want it, she needed it. It soothed her psyche. While Franky worked almost exclusively in domme/sub scenes, my practice was far more diverse and I frequently referred those clients serious about exploring thorough submission to Franky, freeing up my own schedule for other clients. 

However, I wouldn’t deny, couldn’t deny at this moment, that at times I thrilled at being responsible for an eager submissive’s pleasure, their pain, the delicate balance of pushing but never violating boundaries. I felt my palms itch, craving to hold a leather paddle. I could still smell the leather of Bea’s jacket on my hands as I had held it open for her to slip into when she left. 

One meeting, not even a proper session, and I was arbitrarily breaking my own protocols for the fascinating redhead. Wanting her. _Wet for her._ I desperately needed to feel back in control and Erica would do that for me, put me back on an even keel so I could try to process what it was about Bea that was different. 

Because something was definitely different here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, it means a lot. I know this is different so I’m really curious what you all think, positive or negative.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. This fic is a weird one. The characters are pulling me in a different direction than usual but still want me to write this so here we have it. It’s a long chapter and I am really curious to see what you guys think.

—

***Bea***

“Mum. Mumma. BEA!”

I woke up, startled and disoriented, finding my daughter standing over me. Oddly, this was progress. A year ago, she would never have startled me; I couldn’t have taken it. _My daughter annoying me is progress._ I found that amusing but played along and shook a finger at her.

“Debbie! What did I say about that?!”

“Umm. Don’t do it?” 

Debbie dropped a kiss on my cheek and dumped her backpack on an empty chair next to me at our table. 

“How was your class, baby?”

“Just fine, Mumma. I see you fell asleep at the table again.”

I rubbed my aching neck and looked around. 

“I guess I nodded off while I was sorting the post. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“You need to talk to your therapist about the nightmares, Mum. You need proper sleep.”

I smiled. She sounded like Allie.

“Also?” My mini put a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Ms. Know-it-all?”

“You have an envelope stuck to your forehead.”

My daughter giggled as she removed it and I rolled my eyes. 

“Your phone was buzzing. Who’s Allie?”

I checked my phone and found two missed calls from Allie. I felt oddly bereft. _What if Allie thinks that I’m ignoring her and I don’t want to see her again? See her for another appointment, of course._

“Hmm? Who’s Allie?”

“None of your business. Are you hungry, Deb?”

“Is your hair red?”

I smirked at her. 

“I guess I should start cooking then.”

“You’re the best, Mum. I’m going to go take a shower and then work on my assignments until we are ready to eat. Is that okay?”

“Of course, baby,” I smiled and watched the only good thing I’ve ever done walk into her room and shut the door. 

I began taking ingredients out and placing them on the counter. Before I could overthink it, I hit Allie’s number and waited for it to ring. 

“Hello?”

“Allie? It’s Bea, Bea Smith. I’m sorry I missed your calls.”

“That’s okay, ‘Bea, Bea Smith’. I’m glad you’re calling now.”

I shook my head but grinned in the privacy of my kitchen.

Allie sounded like she was panting and out of breath. My eyes went wide. 

“Allie, are you... doing what I think you’re doing?”

“That depends. Do you think I’m... _running_?” she asked in a low, sexy voice.

“Yes. Running! It sounds like you are running,” I said, feeling embarrassed and suddenly shy. 

She laughed, that deep, rich, authentic sound that made me feel better. 

“So how are you today, Bea? Feeling better, I hope?”

“Much, thanks. My neck hurts because I fell asleep oddly but otherwise, yeah, good. I’m just cooking dinner for my daughter.”

“Debbie.”

“You have a good memory.”

“One of my many, many talents. Speaking of, have you had a chance to think over our meeting?”

“I have. I’d still like to continue. My trauma therapist seems to think that sorting out these issues will help me deal with both my past and my future. And I like you. As a therapist, I mean.” 

_God, I’m an idiot._

“Don’t worry, I’m not too flattered. Just the right amount. Okay, I’ll text you some options for our next session and you let me know what works for you.”

“Sounds good. Thanks, Allie. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Count on it, Bea. Now be a good girl and have a healthy dinner with Debbie, yeah? Doctor’s orders!”

I could feel my face heat at those words. _Good girl. Doctor’s orders._ I would have found them condescending objectively but in my dynamic with Allie, it felt soothing and silly and tingly... I wasn’t sure what it was yet. I could analyze it all day long but the bottom line was, I liked it. And she remembered Debbie’s name. I didn’t know why but that made my stomach feel all fluttery. 

“I will. You have a good night, Allie.”

“Bye, Bea.”

“Bye...”

—

***Allie***

I hung up my Bluetooth with a huge grin on my face, slowing to a jog and sipping my water. So, Bea is going to be brave. I wasn’t nearly as surprised about that as she was. I was just relieved I would see her again and that realization made my heart float before it sank, knowing I needed to try to stay objective. _Try._

Anyway, it’s wasn’t like I didn’t have my own stuff to focus on. Plus, forgetting all of the ethical considerations, it’s not like she would want the real me. I didn’t like the sudden turn my mind took. I found myself feeling the creep of old words like _worthless_ and _junkie_ and _whore_ and _nothing_ but I held it and let the feelings pass. A childish part of me wished I could call Bea back. 

_Okay, that’s enough, now, Allie._

I decided to scale my pity party down a bit and resumed running, almost home.

—

***Bea***

“Debbie! Hurry up! I thought you were starving.”

Ten minutes later, I was smiling at my red-cheeked daughter as we ate and she spoke about a boy in her class in that all too casual way that let me know she liked him. 

At that thought, a certain blonde came to mind unbidden, with her beautiful clothes and Cheshire Cat smile and those eyes...

“Hey Debs, I know this is weird, but will you take a picture of me eating this?”

“I always think you are weird, Mum. Sure.” 

I picked up a large helping of the whole wheat pasta, fresh tomato, and spinach dish I’d made and held it up to my mouth and smiled. 

Debbie handed my phone back and tucked back into her food while I fired the photo off to Allie. 

My phone instantly vibrated with a return text. 

—

***Allie***

I usually don’t look at my phone during meals, but since I was eating in my office and still feeling a bit melancholy, I picked it up. I laughed out loud at Bea’s goofy text, showing off how good she was being. 

I immediately texted back. 

_Allie: I approve._

I followed that text with a photo of myself with a slice of pizza and a glass of good red wine and anticipated her response. She didn’t make me wait long.

_Bea: I disapprove! How is that fair?_

_Good God._ I hadn’t known it was possible for a woman to pout via text until now. My mouth curved as I typed my response and took a small sip of the wine we had so recently shared.

_Allie: I went running, remember?_

_Bea: Yes... I remember._

_Allie: Eat your spinach. Don’t argue, it’s good for ya._

I put the phone down with a grin and shook my head at myself. 

—

***Bea***

Two days later, at 3pm, I found myself entering the code Allie had told me to ring at her door. I was both less and more nervous than on my previous visit. 

The door opened and my nerves calmed instantly at her sunny smile. 

“Bea! Come in!”

“Hi, Allie.”

She took my jacket, as she had last time and we went to her office to talk. I took in her clothing; charcoal trousers, a white blouse, a structured and belted red leather jacket that I coveted deeply. White ankle boots. Black glasses today. I liked it. A lot.

I was more casually dressed although still fashionable in riding boots and jeans and a green jumper that I loved. 

We reviewed and signed our updated contract, now with what I called “The Fainting Amendment”, and then Allie walked around her desk and offered me her hand. 

“Would you like to go upstairs and see our space, Bea? We can stay right here if you want. You set the pace here, okay?”

I took her hand and stood, pulling her towards me with the movement. 

“Ready,” I whispered.

I wasn’t sure if that was true. However, if there is one thing I can give myself credit for, it is that I know how to be strong, how to be uncomfortable, how to push myself for the greater good.

—

***Allie***

I led Bea upstairs to the room I had decided we would use during almost all of our sessions. I keyed us in and invited Bea inside. I watched her scan the room. It was a normal bedroom, large, with a rather ornate four poster canopy bed, a sitting area, all filled with rich colors and fabrics.

I pressed a button that activated the entertainment unit to rise out of the cabinet at the foot of the bed. 

“Okay,” I handed Bea the remote. “Your first job is to choose a film.”

Bea looked at the list of films on the screen. 

“We’re going to watch a romcom?”

She looked at me sceptically. 

“Would you prefer horror? sci-fi?” I offered, suppressing a grin. 

“No. These are fine,” Bea said absently, keeping her gaze on the movie descriptions. 

Nobody finds the blurb about “When Harry Met Sally” _that_ interesting. 

I stopped what I was doing and turned to stand facing her. 

“Really not a romcom girl, ay, Bea? Maybe you were hoping for action instead?” I raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

Bea blushed furiously and covered her face with her hands.

_God, she was so fucking cute._

_No, no, Allie. Focus._

“Bea?”

I kept my voice light and teasing, coaxing her. 

She peeked out from behind her fingers, her eyes tracking back up to mine. 

“Yeah?” she rasped.

“May I hold your hands?”

Mild confusion replaced embarrassment on her face but she nodded. I waited for her to remember to verbalize instead of prompting her, pleased when she caught on quickly. 

“Oh. Yes, Allie, you may hold my hands.”

“Thank you,” I said, sugar sweet, ignoring the sing-song tone of her reply and the fact that she rolled her eyes. Some people wouldn’t get away with that bratty behavior but I would indulge her for now. 

I took her hands in my own and tugged just slightly, encouraging her to step a little bit closer to me but not forcing her. 

“I know this may not seem immediately related to sex, but it is. Today, starting out, is about comfort. We are going to put on comfy clothes and watch a movie together and just hang out. I understand if you don’t see the logic behind everything I do and I’m always happy to explain.”

She nodded for me to continue. 

“This is simply about building up our trust and comfort level with one another, two things you need for good sex. It’s about feeling closer. You and your trauma therapist decided you might benefit from exploring sex and connection so that’s what we are working on. We are just starting out easy, yeah? We’ll just see where the afternoon takes us. Does that make sense?”

—

***Bea***

It made sense. I didn’t know why I was disappointed at the sight of the movies. I did want to get closer to her, though. She smelled so good. 

She was still holding my hands. It felt really nice and a feeling from our previous meeting popped into my head.

“Intimacy,” I said. 

“Exactly!” 

She beamed as if she were a teacher and I her star pupil and I was surprised by the thrill that sent through me. 

“Can we still...”

_God, this was embarrassing._

“Having trouble using your words suddenly, Bea?” she asked me playfully, those blue eyes sparkling. “And you were doing so well...”

I sighed. I knew she wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily. _Just ask her, Bea._

“Can I still kiss you again?”

The corners of Allie’s mouth quirked up and she studied me for a brief moment before she tipped her face down. I suspected she was trying to conceal her amusement rather than admiring her Jimmy Choos, although I noted they were beautiful shoes. 

—

***Allie***

I smiled, trying my best to duck my head and hide it. She was just beginning to ask for what she wanted and I didn’t want to spook her. She still looked a little bit apprehensive, biting her lower lip. 

_Fuck, that was sexy._

_‘Can I still kiss you?’_

She’d sounded so damn vulnerable asking such a simple question. Something in her tone reverberated deep inside me but I declined to explore it now and chose to just feel it in the moment. It was so honest and unwittingly charming and just so _Bea_. 

“I wish you would,” I responded honestly.

This earned me one of those genuine wide smiles of hers as she looked up from my white leather ankle boots. She kept hold of my hands as she took another tiny step forward. Her blush returned and I could smell the coconut-scented lotion she’d applied this morning. She blinked and seemed to not know where to look. 

“Bea,” I whispered, “Stop thinking. Feel. Stay in your body, okay?”

—

***Bea***

Her words made me feel more than seen, they made me feel naked and I resisted the urge to bolt. 

“How do you know I do that?”

My curiosity was greater than the cost of acknowledging it.

She tilted her head, one of my favorite of her mannerisms. It always felt like she could see my thoughts when she did that.

“Leave your body? People who have been through trauma, many of us do it. It’s a protective mechanism. I want you to try to stay in your body when we are together and let me know if you are struggling with it, maybe tap me on the shoulder? There are techniques to ground you. We’ll work on it, Bea.”

I hadn’t missed her phrasing... ‘many of _us_ do it’.

I am safe, I reminded myself, repeating it in my head three times. I began to allow myself to feel, starting with the warmth of her hands and then abandoning them in favor of more of her. 

Allie let out a slow, even breath as I undid the belt of that red leather jacket. I slipped my hands and arms inside of it and around her trim waist, giving her a nervous smile. I pulled her closer to me as I pressed my lips to hers, finding them as soft as I remembered. It felt good to take a bit of control, baby step though it was. 

She opened that delicious, tempting mouth a bit and my tongue instinctively met hers, my hands resting on her lower back. I kissed her softly and sucked on her bottom lip, which always drove me to distraction when she smiled, before pulling back and resting my chin on her shoulder, breathing into her blonde hair. 

My fingertips rubbed circles against her skin through the thin fabric of her blouse and I felt her arch slightly under my touch, heard her barely audible moan in my ear. I swayed a little, intoxicated by the sensation of making her body react to mine. She held me tighter, making sure I was steady. I nodded into her hair at her unasked question. _Yes, I’m fine._ At this, she allowed her hands to mimic my actions, caressing my lower back. 

My heart was racing like I’d run up ten flights of stairs and I was sure she could hear it and feel it. I opened my eyes and peered up at her from under my lashes. Usually a whirl of chatter and movement, I didnt think I’d ever seen Allie silent and still like this. My old insecurities came roaring back, the same way the shoulder Harry broke still aches when it rains. 

“Allie?”

—

***Allie***

I don’t know what I thought her kiss was going to be like but I had not expected that. When her hands slid under my jacket it was like she had effortlessly pierced the armor I had so strategically and carefully constructed over the years. Worse, I had _allowed_ her to do it. The education and degree, the expensive clothes, the curated image. For a moment, it was all dangerously close to just falling away for her in seconds. That sobered me a little but did nothing to diminish the spark she’d lit. 

I realized Bea was staring at me with concern, though she did not pull away, her fingertips still dancing at my lower back in a way that felt illicit but good. 

“Sorry,” I laughed, “I was distracted by this gorgeous redhead kissing me.”

“It was okay, then?

She blushed as she whispered the words. I had to resist the urge to pick her up and wrap her legs around my waist and show her just how ‘okay’ it was. 

“Bea. Are you kidding? That was way, way more than just okay. You must have felt that. Yeah?”

—

***Bea***

Was I imagining it or did Allie sound a little insecure? No, I must have been projecting. Allie was never nervous. 

Still, I kissed her softly on the cheek and then rubbed the side of my face against hers as I whispered, “I felt it.”

I withdrew my hands, watching her with her eyes closed for a second. 

Allie’s eyes were bright when she opened them again. 

“Alright, Bea. You ready to get comfortable and watch a movie?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, a bit more excited about the idea than I had been initially. 

Allie led me over to a chest of drawers. She opened them and removed a few items for herself. 

“There are all sorts of comfy clothes in here,” she gestured, “Pants, shorts. Tees, tanks. Pajamas, trackies. Choose whatever you’d like. I’ll be right back.”

She went to change in the en suite and I flipped through the drawers quickly, finding soft clothing of every size available. I selected a pair of black yoga pants and a purple tank and sat down on the edge of the bed to wait my turn. I heard the water run for a moment and then the door opened. 

_Whoah_. 

That was the first word that popped into my head. Allie was barefoot, wearing a pair of navy running shorts that were short enough to emphasize her long, golden legs. 

My hands wondered what it would feel like to move over that skin, to glide slowly from ankle to hip. 

Her tank top was a baby blue that brought out the color of her eyes and was tight enough to flatter her other assets. 

She looked entirely different in such casual and, well, abbreviated clothing. Still beautiful but more approachable. I realized this was likely by design.

“Bea?”

“Yuh?” I asked dumbly, forcing my eyes back up to her face. 

She smirked and I felt heat begin to rise to my cheeks. 

“Sorry,” I said. 

“No need. I like the way you look at me, Bea. It makes me feel good. Now, go get changed. We still have to pick a movie!”

—

***Allie***

Bea obediently went into the bathroom to change. I took my glasses off and pinched the bridge of my nose. 

_Get it together, Allie. All she did was kiss you and you almost lost it._

She was doing so well already. Increased verbal communication, initiating physical contact, even showing a bit more confidence.

The door opened slowly and Bea came out, shy once more. She was in black yoga pants that afforded me a spectacular view of her figure. _Wow_. Equally impressive were the sculpted arms and shoulders revealed by the racerback purple tank top she wore. 

“What?” She asked uncertainly. 

“Damn, Bea. Work out much?”

I eyed her up and down cartoonishly for emphasis. 

“Helps with stress relief,” she said. 

I nodded but the devil on my shoulder was whispering, _“We could teach her some much more fun ways to relieve stress, Allie!”_

Instead, I acted like the responsible therapist I have always been. 

“Bea?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like the way I’m looking at you?”

She finally smiled. 

“Yes. You were right. It does feel good.”

“Good,” I grinned at her, genuinely pleased at that progress. 

I climbed on top of the bed and patted the space next to me for her to join me. We got comfortable leaning against the pillows. 

Bea shrugged and confessed she was more of a reader and we finally agreed to just watch Mad Men.

After twenty minutes or so, I noticed her fidgeting and watched her closely. 

“Bea, is your neck still bothering you from the other day?”

“Yeah. It’s not as bad, I guess, but it’s still a little tight.”

“Do you want me to rub it for you while we watch? I give a great massage.”

“Really?”

“Sure. If you feel comfortable.”

“I do, it’s not that. Just...”

“Bea? Tell me. It’s okay.”

I held her gaze and saw that she was nervous again, twirling a red curl in a gesture that made me want to fold her hands for her and put them in her lap. 

“Like, what kind of massage do you mean?”

_Ah, got it._

“How about an ‘innocent, fully dressed, just working on the sore muscles in your neck while we appreciate Christina Hendricks’ type of massage? Unless you say otherwise. Does that sound good?”

“Yes, please. Thank you, Allie.”

_Urgh_.

—

***Bea***

She ignored my thanks and spread her legs in a “v” shape, putting a pillow in front of her on her lap and patting the spot in front of the pillow for me to sit, giving me some space. 

I complied and sat in the spot she had made for me. 

“Okay, where does it hurt?” she asked. 

“Right over... ouch, shit!”

I winced and sucked in a breath as I tried to indicate where I was sore. 

“Bea, stop. Just direct me with your words, yeah? No moving, Bea. I mean it.”

_Doctor Allie is hot when she’s firm. Wait. What?_

“I just don’t want you to hurt yourself worse,” Allie said, more gently, a thumb coming up to brush my jaw briefly. I could tell without seeing her face that she was frowning in concentration.

She placed her fingertips on the general area I had been attempting to gesture to. 

“Here?”

“You’re close. A little to your right and down, oh, ouch! _Fuck_ , Allie!”

“Okay, well, that’s not quite the way I’m used to hearing that,” she laughed. “I’m sorry, babe, hang on just a minute. Okay, how’s this?”

Allie’s fingertips were so soft as they applied warm pressure to my strained muscle and it immediately began to relieve some of the pain.

“Oh. That’s nice... that feels good, Allie.”

My eyes fluttered closed and my own voice sounded far away. 

_Did she call me ‘babe’?_

“Better?” she inquired, her breath warm on the side of my neck as she leaned around to try to see my face. 

My sore muscle did feel a bit better thanks to her attention but I didn’t want her to stop touching me. 

“If I say ‘yes’ does that mean you will stop?”

“Bea. Instead of hypotheticals, it would be easier if you just told me what you would like to happen,” Allie said, her voice soft and kind. 

I took a breath and nodded. She was right, after all. 

“My neck feels better thanks to you rubbing it. I don’t want to stop though. Would you maybe rub my back?”

She pressed a chaste kiss to my shoulder blade.

“I would be happy to. There. Now, was that so hard?” she teased, her hands sliding down to the base of my back and beginning to massage either side of my spine with her thumbs. 

I bit my lip and tilted my head back a bit, luxuriating under her safe touch. 

—

***Allie***

I tried very hard to concentrate on my hands and using them to relax her. She was making small contented sounds as I worked my way up her spine and to her shoulders. I wasn’t even sure she was aware she was making them. Either way, they were sexy as fuck. As her therapist, I was building positive touch with a client who had experienced a deficit of it. As a woman, on the other hand, my stomach felt all jittery and... _No, Allie._

I reminded myself that we were making great strides in our work together today and to focus on that agenda and success. Not on the fact that I wanted to very unprofessionally bury my face between Bea’s legs and see what kind of sounds she would make then. _Urgh_.

“Allie?”

I barely heard her low, sleepy voice. 

“Bea?”

She half-twisted her body and picked up the pillow in my lap and tossed it over beside us. 

Unsure what was happening, I simply sat still as she took one of my hands in each of hers and wiggled herself backwards a little until her back was leaning against my front. She pulled on my hands for a moment until my mind caught up. I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled back against me again. I felt her sigh but wasn’t sure what it meant without being able to see her face. 

“Is this okay?” she asked. 

“Of course. As long as you are comfortable, physically and emotionally, yeah?”

It took her a long beat to answer and I started to get worried. 

“Bea?”

I saw the nod and heard the sharp intake of breath before the sob. 

“Bea?”

I tried to move so I could see her properly but she held my arms in place around her tightly and turned her head a bit so she could look back at me. 

“Can we just stay like this? Please?”

“Sure, Bea, but I need you to tell me what’s going on, okay?”

—

***Bea***

That was fair. I’m sure I had confused the hell out of Allie and now I was crying _again. Just great._ I did owe her an explanation. 

“This just feels nice. I’m not used to someone caring if I’m comfortable. I’m not used to someone noticing I’m hurting and making it better. I’d forgotten what it’s like to relax enough to want...”

I stopped there and squeezed Allie’s hand.

“What do you want, Bea?”

It was such a big question. Too big. I used a strategy from my trauma therapy. When things are overwhelming, narrow them down to smaller steps. 

“Right now?”

Allie tilted her head in thought.

“Sure, right now,” she smiled. 

I reached down and wrapped a hand around each of her ankles and smiled at her over my shoulder. 

“To touch your legs.”

She nodded, looking a bit surprised but pleased. I kept my hands where they were, although I did draw my fingertips across the thin skin of her ankles. 

“Having trouble using your words suddenly, Allie?” I couldn’t resist and she snapped out of her spell with a grin. 

“Touché, Bea. If you want to touch my legs, I would enjoy that very much.”

I nodded and took my time, watching my hands as I slowly slid them up her smooth, golden legs, just feeling her soft skin. 

Once I reached her knees, I was able to stroke the tops of her legs while returning to my spot leaning back against her chest. This time, I could feel her chest rising and falling in deep breaths behind me. Her breasts pressed into my back, her nipples hard. It was immensely satisfying and arousing to know I affected her. 

“Bea?” she asked, her voice breathy in a way that made me shiver. 

“Yeah?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. I like this. Do you like this, Allie?”

I slid my fingers up into the sides of her shorts and rubbed her hip bones for a moment before pressing my fingers against her skin and sliding my touch back down to her thighs. 

“Yesss, I like it.”

She hissed and her palm went flat across my abdomen and pulled my body tighter against hers. Fuck. This was the most turned on I had ever felt. I knew my panties were wet. I felt so many things. Embarrassment and shame briefly mixed in with the pleasure but Allie erased them quickly. 

—

***Allie***

It was so hot seeing her enjoy these small touches, I couldn’t let myself imagine what it would feel like to make her come or I was afraid I would climax on the spot. 

“May I kiss you?” I breathed in her ear. 

“Please,” she rasped, turning her face towards me and meeting my mouth halfway, both of us far more greedy now, our need sharpening. 

Seeing her willing to engage with me this much, opening emotionally as well as physically, was thrilling. It gave me a professional high any time I made serious progress with a client but this was more than that. She was grinding back against me now as I ran my fingertips over the bare strip of skin that was exposed between her yoga pants and her tank top, making her abdominal muscles jump. I kissed her neck and she moaned, possibly the sexiest sound any woman has ever uttered. I vowed to produce that sound as often as possible in the future. 

But for today, I needed to slow things down. 

“Mmm Bea?” 

“Yeah?” Her voice was thick and sweet and I swallowed hard. I wanted to swallow _her_. 

“Maybe we should slow down? I want to make sure we move at a pace you are comfortable with and we don’t get carried away. This is a process.”

She stilled and I tensed for a moment, worried she misunderstood my intentions. Her hand quickly came up to stroke my hair soothingly until my body relaxed. Only then, she took my hands and placed a kiss on each of my palms. Bea had this way of triggering my feelings with these odd little gestures that could seem so damned significant. 

As an empath, I am accustomed to absorbing a lot of energy from people but this was off the charts abnormal. I wondered if she was one, too, if that explained this intensity. 

“Allie?”

She turned around to face me and we both crisscrossed our legs. 

“We are honest with each other. Right?”

“Yes,” I answered immediately. 

“Are you genuinely attracted to me? I mean, if I wasn’t your client, would you still-“

—

***Bea***

This time her kiss took me by surprise as she cut off my sentence by grabbing my face and pulling my mouth to hers, all soft lips and hot tongue, fast and hard and then slow and gentle. 

“Yes,” she whispered, finally needing to breathe, tipping her forehead against mine. 

“I know you love words but I got that,” I teased. 

“Okay,” she laughed, “In fact, I’m going to need you to sit over there for a few minutes.”

Allie put the pillow down next to her and pointed to the other side of it. 

I laughed and settled myself into that spot, also needing some space to cool down.

Allie dropped her arm onto the pillow, palm up, wiggling her fingers when I looked. I smiled and rested my forearm on top of hers, interlacing our fingers. 

_Intimacy_.

—

***Allie***

By the time I walked Bea to the door, I felt as if I had caught her shyness somehow but I shrugged it off.

”Again, I think we made so much progress today. You did so well, Bea.”

Her eyes dropped from mine and I could feel it. Her reluctance to leave was matched only by how unsettled I felt letting her go. The feeling hummed between us, stronger than the first time she’d abandoned my doorway for the backseat of a car.

“Thank you, Allie,” she rasped, her eyes holding mine again.

The driver honked.

I couldn’t help it. My hand came up to cup her cheek. _We shake hands when we part with clients._

”I’ll call you tomorrow,” I managed.

”Okay,” she nodded.

This time when she turned, I got a wink instead of a wave and I just grinned at her.

My smile disappeared along with the vehicle’s taillights.

_What am I going to do with her?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verdict? Is the perspective switching annoying? I’m open to reworking this at some point if it isn’t hitting the right notes but you tell me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pleased there is interest for this story and I think I may have found the tone. Apparently, switching perspectives makes for loooong chapters, but this was an easy write so I hope it works for you!

—

***Bea***

I was just making myself a salad with prawns and pouring a glass of a light white wine when my phone chimed. On Tuesdays, Debbie had a class that ran from six until nine in the evening. The interruption into my alone time was not unwelcome.

_Allie: Can I FaceTime you in a little bit for a chat?_   
_Bea: Instead of calling?_   
_Allie: Yes, exactly that._

I rolled my eyes.

_Allie: Don’t roll your eyes at me._   
_Bea: Okay, that was spooky._   
_Allie: Ha. FaceTime? That okay?_   
_Bea: Yes. I’m free until nine thirty. Anyone else gonna be on this call?_   
_Allie: Nope._   
_Bea: Good. See you soon_

I picked at my dinner nervously for a few minutes before setting my fork down and going to my bathroom to check my makeup. Getting a full night of sleep after my appointment with Allie yesterday had done wonders for my mood and my face, adding a bounce in my step and some healthy glow back to my skin. 

Debbie had crawled into my bed at seven this morning, just as I stretched awake, shocked to hear the foreign sound of my alarm going off.

“Mumma! I thought you were dead! You actually _slept_!” she yelled excitedly.

Up until that point, I hadn’t slept through a full night, except under medical sedation in the hospital, in over three years, so I basked in my daughter’s thousand-watt smile and let her enjoy it.

“I did!” I smiled back at her.

“How do you feel?” Debbie asked curiously.

“Fantastic.” I smiled and launched a sneak-attack, hugging her and tickling her until she screeched and threatened to pee in my bed. 

“What do you reckon did it, Mum?”

“No idea, baby. Sometimes these things just happen.”

_And sometimes you almost orgasm just from kissing your beautiful sex therapist and you go home and dream of nothing darker than blue eyes and long golden legs and shiny blonde hair. So, you know, could be either explanation._

I smiled at thoughts of the morning, and at how happy Debbie had still been when she popped in around four that afternoon to switch her books, grab a snack, and give me a kiss. She was so devoted to me, my girl. I never wanted her worries about me to hold her back again. It’s part of why I was pushing myself to be able to connect with other people, build my own life, something outside of just Debbie. She was all I needed but it wasn’t fair on her. I wouldn’t have Debbie wasting her entire youth fussing over me and being my intermediary with the world. It was when I had seen her trying to look after me in a parental role, to take care of me after Harry was gone that I started seeing Amy for trauma therapy three times a week. Now we were down to once per week and I had slept through the night!

Ah! My phone began to ring. I nervously gave myself one more look over in the mirror and then went into my living room, settling into a corner of our blue couch and swiping answer, making Allie’s smiling face appear.

“Bea! How are you?”  
—  
 ***Allie***

She responded and then there was awkward silence and I realized she had asked me a question.

“Wow. I’m sorry. I blanked out there. You just... you look so lovely. Is it a special evening? I hope I’m not interrupting you?”

Bea laughed.

“All you are interrupting is my Tuesday night laundry festivities. Debbie has a class, so I’m on my own on Tuesday evenings. I look better because I got NINE hours of real sleep last night, with zero nightmares, thanks to our session yesterday. Thanks to you, Allie.”

Her low rasp was warm and her joyous mood magnetic, drawing a taut pull in my lower abdomen. At the same time, my heart kicked over with a far more pure excitement. _She had slept! After our work!_ I was woman enough to admit that my considerable ego appreciated this professionally as well. If anything, I would have predicted she might have had a tougher time than usual sleeping, what with any issues a first physical session might have raised. 

“ _You_ did all that work, Bea. You get all the credit. You were so, so brave to be open to connecting with me like that so soon. It was an incredible first session.”

I felt myself begin to flush. _What in holy hell?_

Bea looked pleased and frighteningly emboldened considering she was on a tiny little screen and not in the room with me. _Thankfully_. 

“I actually called Amy, my trauma therapist, to tell her. She couldn’t believe it. Anyway,” she swallowed a little self-consciously, “You look lovely as well, tonight, Allie. Well, you always do. I like your hair up like that, though,”

 _Shit_. I’d forgotten the messy bun I had secured my hair in while I was working earlier.  
I pulled it down and ran my hands through it with a rueful chuckle, hoping she hadn’t seen what I’d felt; the momentary loss of control, a chink in my armor, the ice cold shock of unplanned vulnerability.

“Allie!” she admonished me. “I _just_ said I liked it! It was cute! Well, I’ll just put it up myself when I see you, then. I used to do hair, you know.”

Bea was biting her lip and tossing her hair and being so utterly flirtatious while totally unaware of it that it made it a million times more sexy. 

She had me grinning now. Both at the unexpected shared piece of her history and at the sass she was serving me. She felt good tonight and it showed and I knew that just a little part of that was nebulously connected to me and that was more than enough.

“Oh really?”

“Yup,” she smiled an electrically happy smile and took a sip from a glass of white wine. “I used to have a shop and everything. I could do you, sometime, if you want...

—  
 ***Bea***

Allie’s laugh was musical as always, though she seemed to be blushing again. 

“Clever. See? Isn’t this better than the phone?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “I like being able to see your face while we talk.”

“Me too, Bea. So, would you really do my hair?”

I wrinkled my nose.

“Your cut is gorgeous, Allie. I‘ve touched your hair. I know what a cut like that costs. You’ve only had it done in what, the last ten days?”

Allie’s eyes widened and she tapped on her laptop for a moment before she looked back into my phone and shot me a grin. 

“Cut and style, twelve days ago. You are good!” 

“I know,” I rejoined playfullly.

“So, Allie, can we schedule my next appointment?”

“Ah, yes. I need your next appointment to be on a Wednesday, Bea. So it can be tomorrow or a week from tomorrow.”

“Why a Wednesday?”

“Our in-house therapist is onsite Wednesdays and you need a session with her in order to continue.”

“I see.”  
—  
 ***Allie***

Bea looked displeased as she crossed her arms, her lips tighter, as if I had threatened to spoon medicine into her mouth. 

“It’s no big deal, Bea. She’s a sweetheart. Looks after all of us. And now you, too. Come in early tomorrow and you can meet her and then we can have a session, if that isn’t too soon for you?”

As I’d hoped, the smile returned to her lips.

“Not too soon for me, no. Is it too soon for you?”

“No. Keep it up and you’ll spoil me, though, Bea.”

“Maybe I think you deserve to be spoiled, Allie.”

Her softest, sweetest offerings always seemed to hit me like sucker punches. I could almost taste the metallic tang of blood from a split lip mingling with the salty-sweet taste of her juices in my mouth. 

_Fuck, now I was soaking wet. I needed to get off. Off of this phone call, first._

“Okay, well, since I’ll see you tomorrow, you don’t have to worry about the homework I was going to give you tonight. That can be for next week.”  
—  
 ***Bea***

Allie was affected by me. I saw her trying to shut it down but it was too late. After having kissed her and been kissed by her, having watched her face so very closely... after such intimacy, she gave herself away even on FaceTime. The shallow breathing, the flush down her neck, her plump pink lips parting every time mine did. 

“Hey, Allie?“

“Yes, Bea?”

I liked how husky her voice had gotten. She was squirming and I wished I was with her in that big house to either still her or make her squirm more. That idea made it suddenly hard for me to sit still either. 

“What would you want to do if I were there in person, instead of on FaceTime?”

“I think you know the answer to that, Bea.”

“Okay. Was worth asking. I thought we were honest, that’s all,” I shrugged and looked down. 

“Shit, Bea.”

I watched her struggle. That alone told me what I needed to know, but she gave me more. 

“You have no fucking idea how sexy you are. First? I would want to rub my thumb over your bottom lip.”

I licked the lip in question. 

“Yeah?” I rasped breathily. 

“Yeah,” she said more confidently, leaning back in her chair, framing her face by leaning it on her thumb and forefinger. “And then I would want to kiss you until you couldn’t breathe. And when we stopped, I’d want to hold you tight and breathe in your smell and feel your body shaking for me. I would whisper in your ear, tell you how beautiful you are.” 

I was shaking now, although she couldn’t possibly see it. My inner thighs were wobbling and wet and I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself left in this state.

“Okay, Allie. You’re killing me.”

“Shit. I’m sorry, Bea. I shouldn’t have- this is ethically up against the line. We have to talk about it first at least, if we want to engage this way purposefully. Believe me when I say, I’m very much looking forward to our session tomorrow.”

“No need to apologize. I started it. Yes, tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m going to do until then though. Thanks a lot,” I joked.

Allie smirked at me. 

“Take care of things yourself tonight, Bea. You might even sleep again. It helps.”

I looked down. We hadn’t discussed this yet. 

“I don’t... I’ve just never...”  
—  
 ***Allie***

_Shit. How did I miss this?_

“Bea. Have you never tried pleasing yourself?”

She just shrugged. 

“Look at me, babe.”

Her head snapped up at the endearment. 

“There is nothing wrong with making yourself feel good, enjoying your body. You try it tonight, if you feel like it. Just pretend that I’m touching you, uh, or whomever, doing anything you want to your body, yeah? No pressure. We’ll practice tomorrow, hey? Knowing how to please yourself is very important. The better you know your body, the easier it will be to figure out what you like and don’t like.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, Allie. Thanks. For the good sleep last night. And the chat tonight.”

I could tell that she was all shy again after her admission and I didn’t tease her. I was pleased for her. She was well-rested and turned on and those were excellent signs. 

“Thanks for letting me spend Time with that gorgeous Face of yours, Bea. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah,” she smiled at me, a little sadness there, but I had to let her go. 

We especially needed to get through psych tomorrow. Now was not the time to be crossing even more boundaries.   
—  
 ***Bea***

While I didn’t sleep through the night again, I did get more than usual and my nightmares were of the more tolerable variety. Meaning, still awful but Debbie didn’t hear me and I was able to stay in my bed, so it wasn’t so bad.

Around nine the next morning, I walked up Allie’s steps and keyed in the code to summon her. Sure enough, she appeared momentarily.

“Hey, Bea, come in. How are you?”

“I’m good, yeah. And you?”

“Just fine. Happy to see you!”

Allie led me back to a big, bright kitchen, clearly the main one of the house. 

“Bea Smith, I’d like you to meet the rest of the crew. This is Liz Birdsworth. She’s our manager and house mum, keeps things running around here. Not to mention keeping our lot fed and clean.”

“You know I love fussing over you,” the older blonde pinched Allie’s cheek affectionately and turned to me. 

“Hello, love. My, aren’t you the pretty one? How are you? Can I get you a cuppa?”

“No thank you, I’m fine. Pleased to meet you, Liz.”

“Yeah, you too, darling, you too.”

Liz gave off a lovely, maternal energy that I could see Allie appreciated. I liked her straightaway.

“And this is Franky Doyle, my partner in this practice. She’s a sex therapist as well.”

“Nice to meetcha, Red. Allie, you two aren’t using the playroom today, are you?”

“Nah, I’m good in the bedroom.”

“I know ya are, you don’t need to keep bragging about it,” Franky laughed and then pulled out her phone. 

“Ignore her. And this is Bridget Westfall, the staff psychologist I mentioned to you.”

“Hello, Bea.” Bridget looked as if she might reach over to shake my hand and then reconsidered and kept her seat. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you a bit today.”

I just nodded. 

“Erica’s here,” the one with the tattoos- Franky- said. “I buzzed her in. I’m gonna head upstairs.”

“Tell Erica she is overdue to see me, please! If she wants to see me after her session with you, she is more than welcome to join us for dinner after that if she’s free.”

“I will pass along the therapy summons and the dinner invite, Gidge. See you later.”

“Be nice to Erica. Well, not too nice.”

Everyone in the room except for me laughed. 

“Okay. Love you, Spunky.”

“Love you, baby.”

Franky leaned down and kissed Bridget on the lips. 

I was so fucking confused. 

“I think you might have a gas leak in here,” I said. 

“You’ll be used to it soon, love,” Liz said, patting my back.   
—  
 ***Allie***

I forced myself not to laugh at the look on Bea’s face. Instead, I broke off a piece of the toast Liz had made for me and popped it into Bea’s open mouth, tapping her under the chin gently to close it. Bea coughed a moment later, choking and turning red. I handed her my tea quickly. 

“You okay, Bea? Drink some of that. Sorry!”

Eventually she handed me back my teacup, now with marks from each of our lipsticks on the rim. 

I briefly considered asking Liz not to wash it. Then I decided that was creepy. I did wish I could take a photo of it. 

Franky walked by on her way out of the kitchen and stopped next to Bea and me. She turned to me and pointed at Bea’s blushing face. 

“Okay, _that_ is cute,” she laughed. “I see why you like her so much.”

With that, the brunette twirled out of the room, and my reach, quickly, a laugh lingering behind her. 

I could feel everyone staring at me as I deliberately placed the cup in the sink. 

_Fucking Franky._

“Okay. Anyway. Bridget are you ready for Bea?”

“Yes. Come, Bea, I’ll show you to my office. I’ll bring you back to Allie when we’re done.”

“I’m just going to do notes in my office.”

Bea cast a baleful look at me and I laughed and patted her back. 

If we’d been alone I would have kissed her quickly, for luck and all, but Bridget was right there and Liz was tidying. I tried to send all of that to Bea with my eyes.  
—  
 ***Bea***

I saw Allie’s look. I hoped the one I sent back accurately conveyed my response, which was _Yeah, yeah, I’d rather have the kiss._

Judging by her smile, I succeeded.

“See you soon,” Allie said, neither of us moving.

“I’ll be fine, Allie. I’ve seen dozens of therapists.”

“You’re the first person I’ve heard brag about that but okay, Bea.”

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. 

—

***Bridget***

_Holy shit. Is Allie flirting with her? Surely not. They have some insane chemistry, though. Maybe we_ do _have a gas leak in here. Yikes._

“Okay then, Bea,” I gestured in front of us, since I didn’t think she or Allie would initiate parting anytime soon. I didn’t know why Allie was looking at Bea like that. 

“She’ll be perfectly fine with me, you know that, Allie.”

“I know,” the taller woman said, practically wringing her hands, her smile nervous and quick now as she nodded and turned down the hall towards her office.

Bea and I settled in my office, which I kept classic but casual, sitting in comfortable chairs.

“So, Bea, you mentioned you’ve seen lots of therapists.”

“Yes.”

“Then you know how it works. Why is that?”

“I was in a very abusive marriage. Uh, it was... violent in every way you can imagine. That sort of thing puts you off dating, you know?”

“I do, actually.”

I held her gaze and she nodded her understanding.

“Then you know. Anyway, I finally ended up with a great trauma therapist, Dr. Amy Mesner. I used to see her three times a week and now I see her once a week. This... sex therapy... was her idea.”

“I know Amy. She is excellent. Are you bisexual?”

“I don’t know.”

“I ask because our practice is all female.”  
  
Bea nodded.

“I-I can’t trust men. Not yet, maybe not ever. There is just no way I could do that. But Amy brought up Allie and I thought about it and decided to try. I have a daughter. I want to give her a normal life. So I’m trying to find some more balance in my life so she’ll bugger off and not worry about me.”

I smiled.

“Okay. I’m not trying to belabor the point, Bea, but do you label yourself as queer or-“

“You know, I’ve been thinking about that, since my session with Allie. I thought about it a lot. Gave myself a headache, actually. And you know what I decided in the end, Bridget?”

I leaned forward slightly.

“Fuck the labels.”

I laughed and Bea smiled back at me with some actual connection. I liked her and I saw why Allie liked working with her. 

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I agreed. “So did you have a good first session with Allie?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, and?”

Bea rolled her eyes a little but leaned forward and nodded.

“Yes, and we’ve discussed the process and started by working on getting comfortable, trust, touch. Talked.”

“It was a positive experience with Allie?”

“Yes. She’s interesting. And she’s kind.”  
  
I smiled at that. 

“She is very empathetic. I’m not surprised you two are a good fit.”

Bea smiled widely at that and I felt a twinge of concern but dismissed it.

“And she’s not bad looking, yeah?” I smiled. 

Bea blushed at this.   
  
“Are you attracted to her, Bea?”

“Yes,” she said simply. “I didn’t think I would be attracted to a woman. But I am attracted to Allie. I mean, who wouldn’t be attracted to her? That part is easy.”

_Oh boy._

“Okay! Well, Bea, unless there is anything else you want to talk about, I’ll bring you back to Allie. I want you to know that I am always a resource for you, during your work here and outside of it.”

“Thanks, Bridget,” she smiled but I saw her tapping her toe and stifled a laugh.

“Okay, then.”

I lead Bea to Allie’s office and knocked. 

“Come in!” she called to us.

I opened the door and gestured for Bea to go ahead of me. I watched Allie’s eyes dart immediately to Bea’s, finding the action reciprocated. They gave each other a tiny nod. I know that nod. Franky and I do that nod in front of other people. The _I’m okay_ nod. _I had better talk to Allie._   
—  
 ***Allie***

“So, Bea. How was your session with Bridget?” I keyed us into the bedroom. 

“It was fine.”

“And, uh, how did you sleep last night?”

She was close enough to lean up and whisper in my ear. 

“It’s sweet of you to ask.”

I held her arm as she eased back. 

“It’s not sweet. It’s my job.”

She didn’t like that. We both needed the reminder, though. 

“Fine. Not great but not terrible. And you? Did you sleep okay, Allie?”

I briefly wondered if she was teasing me and then realized she was genuinely asking, which was actually more charming. 

“Not too well, actually. Thought about you, though,” I broke, biting my lip.   
  
“Yeah?” 

She liked hearing that and she leaned up to kiss me, hesitating until I nodded quickly that she didn’t need to ask permission. 

_God, her mouth is hot._

I pulled back, breathing heavily, and grasped around to find control of this situation. 

“You seemed a bit worked up when we hung up last night. How did you manage with that?” I asked as casually as possible. 

Bea blushed and looked down. She sighed. 

“I tried, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t the same as being here with you. My mind took me too many other places.”

“Okay, Bea, well, that’s very normal, even for women who have tons of experience with self-pleasure.”

“It is?”

“Absolutely. Would you still like to work on that today?”

“Oh, um, okay.”

“Would you like to put on some comfy clothes or stay in what we are wearing?”  
  
“I would like to change, please.”

“Okay, sounds good,” I headed over to the dresser to grab some clothes for myself. 

“Allie?”

I turned my head from the drawer I was flipping through. It was important that I look at Bea as much as possible when she spoke, since she told me so much more with her eyes than her words sometimes. 

“Yes, Bea?”

“Would you wear shorts, please?”

She was smiling at me and I couldn’t help but grin back. 

“Shorts it is! Good on you, Bea.”

“Why?”

I added a shirt to the pair of shorts I had chosen.   
  
“You are getting better at asking for what you want. That’s really good. I’m happy with our progress, that’s all.”

She just nodded thoughtfully. 

“I’ll be right back. And Bea?”

“Yeah?” She caught my gaze before I shut the bathroom door.   
  
“I wouldn’t mind seeing you in shorts either. But even more than that, I want you to feel comfortable so choose whatever you’d like.”

She looked indecisive so I gave her a wink and shut the bathroom door to change, looking in the mirror and giving her some extra time to choose. I thought about our FaceTime conversation the night before. An idea popped into my mind and I decided to see how today went before speaking with my most interesting client about it. 

Bea was holding her clothes folded up when I emerged from the bathroom, so I was still unsure what she had selected.   
—  
 ***Bea***

Allie’s shorts were soft and clung to her, a heather gray. She wore a slightly darker gray tank over them, with thin straps crossing her shoulders. I immediately wanted to slide a finger under one of those straps, just to rest it there between the scrap of fabric and her warm skin. She was staring at me. Oh, right. Duh. 

“I’ll be right back,” I said and practically ran into the bathroom.  
—  
 ***Allie***

She was taking awhile. I didn’t want to knock and make her feel rushed though.

A moment later, I heard the click of the door unlatching. I sat down on the bed quickly. 

Brave Bea, I don’t know why I even wondered. She had tiny black yoga shorts on and a looser cropped black tee that left several inches of skin between the two garments uncovered. 

“Wow,” I exhaled.   
—  
 ***Bea***

Other than Debbie, nobody had seen me wearing so little in years. Allie liked what she saw. I’d learned enough already to be able to tell that much. 

“Shorts,” I gestured.

“I definitely noticed,” she smirked. “You look damn good in them.”

“Thank you. You look...”

She waited. To make up for my pause, I approached her and stood in front of where she sat on the edge of the bed. 

I indulged my earlier desire to run my fingers underneath the thin straps of her tank top. 

“You always look perfect. You have great clothes and fashion sense. I think you look beautiful this way, though. Relaxed.”

“Aw. Thanks, Bea.”

“So no television today?”

Allie smiled.

“No television today.”  
—  
 ***Allie***

I spread my legs apart a bit so she could take a step closer and stand between them. She took the opportunity immediately, her fingers still playing under the straps of my tank, allowing herself to explore the small sections of skin. I hooked my bare feet around her calves and pulled her even closer. 

“May I-“

Her lips were already on mine before I could continue to ask her permission. Within five minutes, she was straddling my lap as I remained seated on the side of the bed, her legs hanging down on either side of my own. 

I had only meant to warm us up a bit for today’s exercise, but I found myself struggling to keep the kissing controlled, both of us breathing hard. Plus, I didn’t want to discourage any healthy means of physical contact she initiated. I wanted to encourage that and not send her mixed signals. 

“Is this okay?” Bea asked, holding on to my shoulders for balance while lifting her legs to wrap them around my waist, causing a moment of friction that left me unable to answer. 

“Yes, Bea. More than. Actually? Hang on, okay?” I said, sliding my hands under her bum and lifting her as I moved to climb onto the bed and leaned myself against the pillows. When I was ready to set her down in my lap again, I shifted her as close as possible to me and slid her against me at an angle that had us both groaning into one another’s mouths. My palms rested lightly on her back, my fingertips reaching under the crop top, my new favorite piece of fabric in the world.   
—  
 ***Bea***

I had started out fine. Then she picked me up and held me tight against her and my whole body went on fire. I kissed her and felt her hair swish around my face as she settled us on the bed. She kissed me back and pulled me tight against her. _Her hair._

“Oh, wait!” I said, laughing when she shot me a concerned look.

“I did say I was going to put your hair up,” I whispered, gathering it on top of her head with my hands. I smiled and looked into those deep sapphire eyes and rocked my hips gently against hers as I used my mouth to retrieve an elastic from my wrist. Allie made a low, sexy sound I savored before I fluidly scraped her hair up into a bun. 

“There. So cute,” I said, pleased. I was even more pleased by the amused expression on her face. I pressed a kiss to her nose.   
—  
 ***Allie***

I rolled my eyes at her and felt her answer by the squeeze of her legs tighter around me. _Fuck_.

“Okay, Bea, that’s enough.”

“You sound bossy,” she whispered. 

“Well, you’re being bratty.”

She just smiled at that. Rather happily, I thought with amusement. 

“So when you thought about me last night, what were you thinking?”

I dumped her into the empty space next to me on the bed. 

“Hey, Al-“ was all she got out before my lips were on hers. 

“I thought about this. Kissing you. Making you feel good. Touching you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” I began rubbing one of my breasts through my tank top, her eyes riveted to my hard nipples. 

“Bea. Show me how you want me to touch you and I will.”

“That’s just it. Allie. I don’t know how I like to be touched yet! It was so hot talking to you on the phone but alone, I couldn’t...”

“Okay, Bea, it’s okay,” I calmed her and held her in my arms, rubbing my palm up and down her back. 

“As I said, we can play games like that to help you develop that skill. Maybe we just aren’t there yet. Let’s explore some more touch and then maybe we can move to FaceTime and then see if you don’t get there on your own. How does that sound?”  
—  
 ***Bea***

It sounded good and I felt so grateful for Allie’s constructive patience, her honesty... but that wasn’t what I was interested in at the moment. 

“Good. Allie. Please, just...”

“What, Bea?”

I looked into those clear blue eyes. 

“Touch me.”

Her hand slid up the back of my top, reaching the nape of my neck and rubbing. 

“Bea. Are you not wearing a bra?”

I shook my head at her and laughed as she dropped her face into her hand. I tugged on her bun a little to get her to look up at me. Beautiful. 

I took her hand and brought it under my top, watching her eyes roll back a little as she made a contented sound and brushed her thumb over my nipple.  
—  
 ***Allie***

_Fuck, I think she is trying to kill me._

I wanted to ravage her and she would probably let me but that’s not what she was here for. I reminded myself of my assessment of her the first day. 

_Softly, Allie._

“Come here, I’ve got an idea.”

I patted the empty space in my lap and she moved accordingly, kneeling there and kissing me sweetly. I started running my hands all over her available skin.   
  
“Your shirt,” she said quietly. 

I smiled. 

“For yours?”

She nodded and I saw the trust in her smile and felt so grateful that she saw me as someone worthy of that. 

I put my arms up and waited for Bea to pull my tank over my head. She easily slid out of the black crop top and dropped both beside the bed, kissing me again, now with the added jolt of skin on skin contact. I could tell how aroused she was already, her breathing fast, her nipples hard. She looked gorgeous and I told her so. 

“Bea. You are so sexy. Turn around. I’m going to touch you like I touched myself last night. Only what you say is okay. Does that sound good?”

“Yes, please. I want you. I just feel like I need...”

“I know,” I soothed her and held her tightly, her back against my front as we sat there, reclined together. 

“Bea. Look at me.”

She arched her neck to do so. 

“Remember, green-yellow-red, right? And the more we talk, the more we will work things out. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she breathed raggedly. 

“Say them,” I bit down gently on her earlobe and she sighed and squirmed.

“Green-yellow-red. Green.”

“That’s good, Bea. Stay with me, okay. Listen to my voice. Tap my shoulder if you need help with that.”

I took my time palming her breasts. Caressing them the way I had touched myself thinking of her. Wishing I could reach them with my mouth. Bea’s eyes were closed but her mouth was open as I kissed her neck and whispered in her ear. 

“Fuck, Allie.”

“What, Bea?”

“I... you feel so good. I want to flip over. See your face. Is that okay?”

“Of course, Bea.”

I hadn’t considered that it might help her to see me and it bothered me and she noticed.   
—  
 ***Bea***

“It’s okay, Allie. I’m good. Just want to look at that pretty face.”

She smiled. 

“Charmer. C’mere.”

Allie pulled me down against her and kissed me, her thigh slowly rubbing between my legs in a way that felt hot and deliciously good and made me shake. 

“Like that, Bea?”  
  
“Yesss.”

I bent to lick Allie’s nipples, sucking on them after a moment, watching that affect her. I took her hand and moved it between my legs, unable to wait out her courtesy any longer. 

“Is that what you want, Bea?”

“Yes. Please, Allie.”

She groaned at that before cupping my heat through the tiny shorts, beginning to rub me gently when I continued to hold her eye contact. 

“Oh my god. Allie...”

“Yeah?” 

She smiled and ran her free hand through my hair. I ground myself against her occupied hand. 

“Allie... I’m so wet. Please.”

“Fuck, that’s hot, Bea. Can I touch you? What are you okay with?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’d like to try to make you orgasm. There’s no rush but you look... Bea, can I touch you? Rub your clit?”

“Yes, please,” I nodded and bent to kiss her neck, biting down gently until she cried out. 

“Fingers? Are you okay with penetration, Bea? We don’t need to-“

“Yes. Yes. Jesus Christ. Please just make me come, Allie!”

“Brat...”

I laughed at that and felt her body shake with mine. 

“You’re lucky I like this sexy tantrum of yours, Bea.”

She kissed me breathless while sliding her hand into my shorts, both of us groaning as my wetness coated her fingers. She started rubbing circles over my clit. I thought I might actually black out and tapped Allie’s shoulder.   
—  
 ***Allie***

“You okay, Bea? Look at me, baby.”

She forced her eyes open as I slowed down and her gaze cleared and locked on mine and she nodded. 

“Don’t stop,” she whispered urgently, resting her forehead on my shoulder. 

“I’ve got you, Bea.”

I moved one arm to hold her across her lower back and steady her. My other hand moved lower and I slid a finger inside her as I continued to rub her clit with my thumb. 

She was breathing hard and she kissed me passionately before returning her face to the crook of my neck. 

“Fuck, Allie. I’m so- I think I’m close. I just-“

I slipped a second finger inside her and she immediately began to shake. 

“Yes, oh fuck, yes, that’s so so... Allie! Fuuuuck!”

I slowed my movements and tightened my hold on her as her muscles stopped squeezing my fingers insistently. 

She moved her forehead to rest against mine.

“Allie.”

“How do you feel, Bea?”

“Amazing.”

I smiled up at her until she opened her eyes. I tugged her down a bit and kissed her. 

“And now? Better?”

She laughed outright. 

“Much. Thank you.”

“Then will you please take my hair down?”

“Fiiiine,” Bea whined. 

She reached up and gently pulled the band from my hair, watching it fall back down around my face. 

“Mmm. I like that, too. Beautiful girl.”

I beamed at her and decided she definitely needed some proper aftercare after her orgasm.  
—   
***Bea***

“Let me take care of you,” Allie said, her voice tender. 

“I think you just did that,” I said. 

“Shh. Be quiet with me for a few minutes.”

Allie pulled me down next to her and rolled on her side to face me. She stroked my face with her fingertips and moved her hands to rub up and down my back, my legs, my sides. 

It was very hard not to fall asleep but she felt so good and looked so pretty. 

“Bea? Do you want to have a nap?”

I shook my head and traced her collar bones. 

“I do. But then I’ll have no chance of sleep tonight. Yay post-traumatic hypervigilance!”

I smiled but Allie didn’t. 

“I’m going to help you get more sleep,” she whispered, playing with my hair. 

“Okay,” I said softly.   
—  
 ***Allie***

Once we were back in our proper clothes, I walked her to the door. 

“You still have homework, Bea. Don’t think I’ve forgotten. That was plenty for today though. You did so well, I’m so pleased for you. I’ll call you tomorrow to check in and we can discuss your homework then.”

I couldn’t help it. I leaned down and kissed her lips lightly. 

“Bea. I shouldn’t have... The procedure here is to shake hands when we say goodbye to our clients. It wouldn’t be ethical for me to keep-“

“Got it,” she said, extending her hand. 

When I took it she used the leverage and tugged me closer, kissing me lightly on the mouth, tracing my lips with her tongue before letting me go abruptly. 

“Sorry,” she whispered with a smile. “I will try to respect your ethics in the future, Allie.”

“Okay,” I whispered, a bit in shock. 

“Okay,” she smirked. 

My sexual needs were competing with the melancholy that had already come to accompany Bea’s departures. It was still difficult to watch her go. When she waved this time, I just brought my fingers up to touch my lips, still tingling from hers.

_Christ, Allie. You need to figure this out._

I had a more pressing need, though, and I went upstairs and keyed into my private suite, a light airy space full of pale wood and blue and white, my haven. 

Sex therapy was much less sexy than most people thought. I was mostly coaching couples with sex difficulties and Franky was mostly flogging cougars, but it was a living and I enjoyed helping. I had occasionally experienced physical attraction with a client but nothing like the desperate need that giving Bea an orgasm had left within me. 

I changed into a blue silk robe before settling into my bed. I glanced at my nightstand and immediately noticed the addition. One bone china teacup, set on a napkin, bearing the imprint of my lips on the rim in red and, on the other side, the shape of Bea’s mouth, pressed in coral. 

I smiled entirely too broadly and reminded myself to give Liz an extra hug later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, complaints? Lol. Open to all.


	5. Chapter 5

—  
 ***Bea***

Thursday afternoon, I was doing my third set of crunches when my phone rang and I quickly sat up to check it. I saw Allie’s name flash up and smiled, grabbing the towel next to me to dry my hands and mop the sweat off of my face before I answered. I’d been waiting for her call, looking forward to it. I didn’t want to miss it, even though I knew I must look like hell. Vanity be damned, I swiped the screen to pick it up.

“Hi, Allie!”

“Hey there, Bea. Am I interrupting you?”

I watched with satisfaction as Allie flicked her eyes up and down as she looked over my body approvingly, clad as I was in just a sports bra and leggings, my skin shining with sweat. 

“I was just working out.”

“I can see that. Do you have a selfie stand by any chance?”

“No. Why?“

“I’ll get you one. I like this channel.”

I smirked until I noticed Allie was staring at my face in concentration.

“What?”

“Bea. How much have you exercised today?”

“Uhh I don’t know, why?”

“Tell me.”

“I dunno. Maybe forty-five minutes of cardio. An hour on weights and resistance. I’ve been doing conditioning for about thirty minutes now. I’m almost finished, though.”

Allie frowned at me. 

“Why are you being an exercise demon?”

“It was a tough night. I’m hoping the exercise will exhaust me so I can get some sleep.”

“I think you’re being a bit extreme, Bea. You feel okay? Drinking plenty of water?”

“Yes, Allie, I’m tired, not stupid.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it like that.”

My head came up, wincing at the softness in her voice. 

“I know you didn’t, sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Bea. Did you sleep at all last night?”

I shook my head. 

“Babe.”

I knew I shouldn’t, but I secretly loved when Allie called me by any endearment. Especially in bed. _Nope, don’t think about that right now._

“I tried!” I protested, realizing with horror that I was close to tears.

I watched Allie as she tilted her head in thought for a moment. I used the time to get my emotions under control. It was just another sign that I was physically and mentally fatigued.

“Okay. New idea! Call me when you get in bed tonight, okay, Bea?”

I blushed at this.

“I can’t. I mean, I want to! But Debbie’s home tonight.”

Allie laughed.

“You have a one track mind, missy. I’m not just a pretty face, you know, Bea.”

“I know,” I answered, “Your body is pretty great, too.”

Allie’s mouth fell open as she tried to give me an outraged look and failed, belly laughing instead.

“I’ve created a monster. Just trust me. Take a nice warm shower and get comfy and settled and then call me. Yeah?”

“Okay. I will.” I smiled. “Oh and Allie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a _lot_ more than your good looks.”

Allie’s smile was even bigger than usual and I took a screenshot, unable to resist.

—

***Allie***

I was still smiling down at my phone, even though Bea had hung up several minutes ago, when Bridget knocked on my office door. 

I finally looked up when she cleared her throat. 

“Bad time?”

“Not at all, sorry,” I smiled. “Come on in. I didn’t know you were here today! What’s up?”

Bridget took a seat in one of the chairs across from my desk.

“I came for lunch with Franky. While I’m here, though, Allie, I wanted to talk to you about Bea.”

My stomach immediately tightened.

“Okay, what about her?” I asked cautiously.

“I think it’s pretty clear that your objectivity is becoming compromised when it comes to treating her.”

I felt myself flush with embarrassment.

“Oh, you think so, Bridget? Why don’t we make an appointment to discuss this. Maybe you can fit me in after you counsel your wife’s submissive?”

Bridget, being far more mature than I, didn’t rise to the bait and it only made me feel more childish for having lashed out at her.

“If that’s something that concerns you, we can talk about that next. Right now, we are talking about you and Bea. I’m worried about your ability to maintain professional distance.”

She was a hypocrite. It didn’t mean she was wrong, though. I dropped my head into my hands.

“You and me both,” I finally muttered. “I know. I’m trying to figure it out.”

“Maybe you should consider sending her to Franky for a couple of sessions instead.”

I laughed at that.

“Regular sessions, not BDSM. I know from what she’s discussed with me of her background that she doesn’t want that,” Bridget continued.

“Oh! You’re serious. No. Bea won’t be up for that. I know it’s gotten a bit... complicated... but she and I have built trust. If I didn’t think this was helping her, I wouldn’t continue. I can handle this, Bridget.”

“Allie.”

The gentle tone she used made me feel ashamed for reasons I couldn’t pinpoint.

“You are probably the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I’m not just here for Bea. I’m worried for you, too.”

This hit too close to home and made my chest tighten. 

“I know. I’m sorry, Bridget. I do appreciate that. Can you just... Just give me some more time to try to figure it out, okay? After our next appointment, I’ll see if I can make my sessions with Bea on Wednesdays so you’re around. I wouldn’t mind it if she warmed up to you a bit, either. I know she likes her other therapist, but I want her to have as much of our support as possible.”

Bridget wanted to say more, I knew that face. She just nodded and gave me a kind smile, though. 

“Okay, Allie. What day is she in next week?”

“Thursday afternoon.”

“I’ve got to do some admin. It’s my turn to do the billing and we’ve all been neglecting it and it’s only going to get worse. I’ll come in Thursday and work on that and this way I’m here if you want to talk after you see her.”

I bit my cheek to stay silent. She was right. Just because I didn’t like it didn’t make it untrue. 

“Thanks, Bridget. For caring enough to have an uncomfortable conversation. And for putting up with me.”

Bridget laughed. 

“Not our first and not our last, I’m sure. I care about you, Allie. Believe it or not, I’m trying to look out for you.”

“I understand, Bridget.” I paused carefully before my next question. “What would you have done if you had met Franky through therapy? You wouldn’t have struggled with it? You’d have been able to send her to me? Or send her away, just like that?”

Bridget was taken aback by that and I wasn’t proud of the feeling of satisfaction that gave me. It was a comeuppance of sorts then, her next sentence. 

“Oh, Allie,” she said sadly. “I’m afraid you’re setting yourself up to be badly hurt.”

My emotional control was weakening by the minute and Bridget’s words were a gut punch.

“Is it so hard to believe that she _might_ feel the same way? Why is that so impossible, that someone like her would want someone like me? Tell me.”

“That’s not what I-“

I was done and I just shook my head and walked past her, my heels clicking on the hardwood as I strode out of my office and upstairs to my suite, only letting the tears fall once I locked the door behind me. 

—

***Bea***

That evening, once Debbie had turned in to study and go to bed, I took a warm shower, as Allie had suggested. My thoughts were occupied by her as I lathered up with my favourite lemon verbena body wash. I found myself taking a bit of extra time to smooth my hands slowly over my skin, almost surprised to find myself getting turned on. I shut that down quickly, giving myself a blast of cool water before I got out. I had a full week to go until my next session with Allie. No sense in getting worked up now. Although even taking the time to touch my legs and stomach and arms with a bit more attention than usual had felt nice. That felt like progress. Maybe I would ask her about it, but not tonight.

I was so tired and very afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. I knew from experience that things could deteriorate quickly if I was up for more than two nights straight, and even that felt miserable. Three nights straight was downright dangerous and I couldn’t handle being in the hospital again. I _had_ to sleep. I had quit the sleeping pills I’d been prescribed after the first few months, when the benefits of living in a fog no longer exceeded the drawbacks, and I really didn’t want to go down that road again. 

Finally, I got into bed, slid under my duvet, and hit the contact that now contained my screen snap of Allie’s golden hair and her broad, infectious smile.

“Hey, you,” Allie answered. I could see that she was also in bed.

“Hiya.“

I saw her peering at me more closely. 

“I know. I look terrible.”

“No, Bea. You look tired because you are human and you need sleep. Okay, are you comfy? Ready to try?”

“What are we trying?”

“You’ll see. Get comfy and plug your phone in so it doesn’t die. Prop it up on your nightstand or wherever.”

“Okaaaay,” I complied, curious but not nervous. 

Allie cleared her throat and took a sip of water.

“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

”Allie, what are you-“

“I’m reading, obviously. Harry Potter. Have you read it?”

I smiled at that.

“Yes. I read all of the books with Debbie but it’s been years.”

“Perfect. May I continue?”

“I feel silly,” I said.

“Bea, please just give it a try. Close your eyes and just listen to my voice and know I’m here keeping you company. Right? You’ll fall asleep or you’ll just listen to me read and either way, everything will be okay.”

I was too tired and weakened to argue with her. 

“Okay, Allie. Thank you.”

—

***Allie***

About an hour later, I was sure Bea had fallen asleep for good. I could see her chest rising and falling evenly and I was filled with a tremendous surge of satisfaction and affection. I kept reading anyway, unsure if it was for her or for me, but positive that it didn’t really matter either way. 

Twenty minutes after that, my view tilted and I realized the phone was being carried through the air.

“Bea?”

“Shh!”

I watched with alarm as I was carried, via phone, into another room. 

“So. Who are you?”

Bea’s daughter’s image filled the screen.

“I’m Allie. And you’re Debbie, yeah?”

“Accurate. How do you know my name?”

“Your mother talks about you. She’s shown me your picture.”

“Hmm. I don’t know. Still feeling some stranger danger.”

“What?!”

“I’ll just go and ask Mum.”

“No, no! Debbie! Please don’t wake her. You know she has a hard time sleeping. She was up all night last night.”

Debbie softened at this before giving me another appraising look.

“How do YOU know?”

“Obviously she told me.”

“Yeah. I guess that makes sense. What were you doing?”

“Reading to her. Uh, to try to help her sleep? Harry Potter.” I held up the book, feeling like an idiot.

“That’s... weird. There are audiobooks, you know.”

My mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment.

“I checked those out. The narrator is a man and I didn’t think that would work for her. I thought she might prefer a familiar voice to help her relax.”

_Why was I being so defensive? She was all of twenty, tops, this kid. Not just any kid, though. Bea’s kid._

Debbie smiled and I couldn’t deny the relief I felt.

“Well, she’s asleep. You can go get some sleep yourself. You look pretty tired.”

I hesitated, not that mini-Bea was giving me a choice. 

“Okay. Nice to meet you, Debbie.”

“‘Bye, Allie.”

Apparently Bea wasn’t the only hyper vigilant person in her family.

—

***Bea***

I woke up at 7:30 on Friday, blinking several times. Rubbing my eyes, I made my way to the kitchen where Debbie was cooking something. She smiled at me when she saw me watching her. 

“Mum! Did you sleep well? I turned off your alarm before it went off so you could rest a bit longer.”

“I did, actually! Really needed it, too.”

“I’m happy to hear that, Mum. It’s so weird that you haven’t slept through the night in so long and now you’ve done it twice in as many weeks! I wonder what that’s about?”

She was looking at me funny. _Why?_

“I’m just grateful for the sleep,” I said, stretching and yawning.

That earned me a genuine smile.

“Me too, Mum. I’m happy for you.”

She hugged me tightly before she returned to making breakfast.

I gave her another puzzled glance before thanking her for the avocado toast with egg that she set in front of me.

—

***Allie***

I slept in a bit later than usual, pleased to see a message from Bea when I woke up.

**Bea: Whatever magic you are working with, you should bottle it. Slept through the night AGAIN. I can’t thank you enough, Allie. I hope you got enough rest.**

**Allie: Knew you were sweet. I didn’t do anything. SO glad you slept! I slept incredibly well, actually.**

**Bea: I checked the call time. Not nothing. Thanks, Allie. I hope your day is half as special as you are.**

I scrolled back through my phone to check the call time for myself. Ninety-seven minutes. _God, she must think I’m fucking crazy._ Well. It helped so who cares.

**Allie: You’re going to give me a big head.**

**Bea: _You?_ I cannot imagine what that would be like. **

**Allie: Ha. Ha. Ha. I hope you have a good day, too, Bea. Call me later if you want some reading company. Plus, I still have an assignment for you to do. #homework**

**Bea: #hashtags? #really?**

**Allie: You are funny when you get sleep. #yourewelcome**

**Bea: Thanks again, Allie. I’ll speak to you later.**

**Allie: Looking forward to it.**

I found myself on a high through most of the day and it did not go unnoticed, although obviously I couldn’t explain it. 

_Well, Liz, you see, I spent an hour and a half reading a fully grown woman to sleep over the phone last night and now I’m on cloud nine._ No, that wouldn’t do.

When the clock hit ten thirty that night, I figured Bea wasn’t going to call. Maybe she had fallen asleep on her own. An hour later my text alert dinged.

**Bea: up?**

I didn’t bother to text her back, just rolled over on my side and FaceTimed her.

“Hi, Allie. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No way. I’m partying.”

“Your glasses are off and you look cosy. I’m sorry. I’m fine. I shouldn’t have-“

“Of course you should, Bea. I told you I wanted you to call if you felt like some company. You had a nightmare, huh?”

“That obvious?”

It was. She was trying to appear nonchalant, but the tension in her beautiful face, the redness of her eyes, and the way her blankets were twisted made it pretty obvious. I sat up and slid my glasses on, grabbing the book from a drawer in my nightstand.

“Let’s read. Don’t try to fall asleep immediately. Listen to a chapter of the story and let your mind settle, okay? Then when you feel like it, close those pretty eyes and just listen to my voice and we’ll get back to sleep together.”

She looked like she might cry.

“Bea. Shh. I want to. Okay?”

“I don’t know _how_ you do that. Read my mind like that. Okay, I’ll take you up on a little Harry Potter. I’m-“

“Don’t you say you’re sorry. I want to. Just accept it, okay?”

“Okay.”

I watched a measure of relief settle across her features, watched her relax a bit before I had even begun to read. I knew accepting this comfort was a big deal for Bea and I was genuinely touched that she allowed me to help.

It was almost one in the morning when I closed the book, marking our place and giving Bea a long look to make sure she was still sleeping deeply. It was another five minutes before I hung up. I might have stood watch over her longer, but it had been weird enough when Debbie found me reading to her mum, I didn’t think it would go over well if mini-Bea found me just staring at her.

I suppressed a laugh and ended our call, falling asleep easily, my heart full. 

—

***Bea***

Saturday was spent cleaning and grocery shopping and buying Debbie new shoes. Okay, I might have bought myself some shoes as well, but they were on sale and were so chic. _And they reminded me of Allie,_ I acknowledged _. What does that mean?_

I pushed those thoughts away and focused on the moment. I loved the simplicity of driving around doing errands with Debbie, listening to her happy chatter fill the car. It felt normal and normal was a huge improvement in our lives and not something I took for granted. I was always reassured when my daughter acted like a “normal” twenty year old kid, but I knew about the scars she had underneath that. Not physical scars, Harry never laid a hand on her, but the kind that ran deep and silent, the kind that were particularly dangerous because they could be hidden. I was an expert on those and always watched my girl for the signs. 

On the drive home, as we picked up a takeaway despite the fact that we had just bought enough food to fill our refrigerator, my phone rang through the car’s Bluetooth. I glanced over and saw it was Allie and cursed under my breath.

“Want me to answer it?” Debbie asked. 

“No! No, that’s okay. I’ll call her back.”

“Okay, Mum! Jesus.”

I gave her a sideways look. Was she smiling?

“I hope they gave us extra naan. I don’t want to have to wrestle you for the last piece, you’re getting really strong.”

I knew an attempt at distraction when I saw it but since I wasn’t keen on explaining how I knew Allie, I went along with it.

“We could just share it, you know, as if we _aren’t_ savages?”

“But wrestling for it is more fun,” Debbie laughed.

“If you enjoy losing to your old mother, maybe. Personally, I would find that embarrassing but okay, Deb.”

Debbie grinned.

“We’ll see. And you aren’t that old, Mum.”

I smiled and thought about the first time I had wrestled Debbie, over a piece of pizza I didn’t even want. After everything, when we were finally living alone, just the two of us, and things had transitioned into more stability, I had observed that Debbie was afraid to touch me. Oh, she hugged and kissed me, but I could tell she was haunted by images of the past, that she still saw what I looked like back then in her mind and she was afraid to hurt me long after I had physically healed. My therapist, Amy, said that I needed to show her that I was okay and that she wasn’t going to break me, and so began an impromptu wrestling and tickling battle over pizza. It was silly but it had done the trick and helped her begin to see that I was strong and healthy. I even credited that to her ability to open up to me about her feelings a bit more, now that she viewed me as less damaged. Yes, it’s easy to hide the scars that aren’t textured or puckered or otherwise visible. I should know. I’d never wanted that for Debbie.

I thought of Allie again, at the unexpected healing that had been occurring since I’d started seeing her. It was definitely about more than sex. The thought was both comforting, that I could heal more than I’d ever hoped for, and terrifying because... I liked her. I felt particularly dense as this revelation occurred to me in our driveway. Debbie would have said I “like-liked” her. _Oh, fuck. I really, really liked her._

“Are we getting out?” Debbie stared at me with confusion and I realised I was just sitting there, hands still on the wheel, not moving.

“Sorry, sweets, yes. Plenty of shopping bags for you to carry in,” I joked lamely.

“I got ‘em, Mum, why don’t you go in. Call Allie back.”

“What?” My head whipped around at her.

“Allie. She called you. Remember? Do I need to start looking into care homes already?”

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. Okay, thanks, Deb. Don’t break the eggs.”

Debbie just grinned and ignored me, shooing me away. 

I checked my hair and then called Allie back, now recognizing the surge of happiness I felt when she answered for what it was. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Hey, Bea!”

“Hi, Allie. Sorry I missed your call, Debbie and I were running errands.”

“No problem. I’m glad to talk to you now,” she smiled softly and I comforted myself. _Who wouldn’t have feelings for this woman?_

“Me too,” I smiled genuinely. “Tell me about your day?”

We had been chatting companionably for a few more minutes when I remembered her repeated references to “homework”.

“So, are you ready to give me my assignment, Dr. Allie?”

She laughed and tossed that shiny hair I so liked to get my hands in. 

“Sure. This is for Tuesday evening, when you have time on your own.”

“Okay...” 

So far, I was interested.

“This is about boosting your confidence. I remember when we met one of the first things I thought was, ‘This woman has no idea how gorgeous she is’.”

I blushed.

“See?” She gestured at my face on the screen. “So, on Tuesday evening, I want you to go out. To a coffee shop, a bar, wherever. I want you to just relax and pay attention to who is paying attention to you. Because, trust me, people do. You don’t have to talk to anyone, although you certainly can if you see someone interesting.”

_Did Allie wince at that? No, probably just the light in her eyes._

“Allie. I don’t want to do that, ugh.”

“Will you please try? It’s an exercise. You don’t have to do anything except sit there and watch how many people are dying to hit on you or just admire you. It’s not exactly hard labor, Bea.”

I made a unhappy face that she took as acquiescence.

“Good. When you are getting ready, and when you’re there, I want you to see yourself the way I see you. Go in with a good mindset. Wear something that makes you feel pretty. Order a nice glass of wine. And just pay attention.”

“Sounds horrible.”

She grinned and shook her head. 

“Okay, you are going to need to work on the mindset part. That’s not very positive, Bea.”

“I am positive I don’t want to go get hit on in a bar. Can’t I just have a drink with you?”

I didn’t hear the boldness of the query until it was already out of my mouth.

She laughed.

“As much as I would enjoy that, it wouldn’t accomplish this goal.”

“Fiiiiiiine.”

“Good!” She clapped her hands together.

“So are we reading tonight?”

“It’s Saturday, Allie. Don’t you have better things to do?”

“Better than you? No way!”

I thought about it uneasily for a moment. I didn’t want to be selfish and I had a feeling Allie was doing exactly what she shouldn’t. What nobody should do. Rearranging their life around because of me. I didn’t think I’d ever be whole enough to make that fair to another person. _Maybe_ a cat. _Should I get a cat?_

“Bea?”

I sighed.

“If you are home anyway, then sure. But only if you’re not busy.”

She looked pleased.

“Good girl. I don’t know why you fight me so much sometimes,” she said smugly.

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.

_For your own good, that’s why._

“Okay, Allie. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Looking forward to it, Bea.”

I shook my head but couldn’t hide the big grin that had snuck its way onto my face. 

—

***Allie***

On Tuesday evening, I ate a salad and looked at the clock. Bea should be out by now. I wondered if I would hear from her. Maybe she would meet someone and hit it off and be too busy. The thought turned my stomach and I pushed my food away. Within five minutes my phone chimed and I pulled it out of my desk. I laughed at her message.

**Bea: I hate this homework.**

**Allie: Are you out?**

**Bea: Yes.**

**Allie: Are you trying?**

**Bea: Yes.**

**Allie: Photo?**

Bea sent one of her wearing a grouchy expression in addition to a lovely blue and white dress. I laughed at the face she was making and texted her back truthfully.

**Allie: You look gorgeous. Yum.**

**Bea: Thanks.**

I bit my lip. 

**Allie: Anyone there seem to agree with me?**

**Bea: Yeah. Creeps.**

I didn’t like that. _At all._

**Allie: Nobody you can just practice flirt with?**

**Bea: Not without keeping my hand over the top of my drink the entire time.**

_Yikes_. I felt partly at fault for her discomfort and for the lack of success on her homework. 

_No, Allie. You really, really, shouldn’t._

**Allie: Where are you?**

**Bea: Marco’s**

**Allie: That’s supposed to be a good place. Give it thirty more minutes then you can quit?**

**Bea: Fiiiiiine. 30 min. Then I’m going home and never going out again.**

**Allie: Dramatic, much? Okay stop texting, back to observing.**

**Bea: Bossy much?**

I grinned and slipped my phone into my pocket.

—

***Bea***

I tapped my toe nervously under the bar. When the bartender approached with a round I hadn’t ordered and a big grin, my heart sank. 

_No, please, I cannot fend off one more weirdo tonight._

“From right over there,” he pointed. 

I looked over and saw Allie casually wave at me.

My stomach flip-flopped. 

_Okay, maybe just one more weirdo._

I raised my drink at her in thanks, but didn’t get up. She watched me swallow a large sip, I could feel her eyes moving down my throat with the liquid. 

I paused and made eye contact with her and licked my lips. I slid off my barstool and noted the smug look dropping from her face as I turned away from her and slowly walked to the ladies’ room, popping a mint into my mouth.

She didn’t disappoint. 

—

***Allie***

_Oh, why am I even here? This was a bad, bad, bad idea. I have to follow her though. Right? Yeah. But I’m just going to say goodnight to her. It would be rude not to, really._

I tapped on the door lightly and felt it open. 

“Hey. Thanks for the drink,” she beamed. 

“Well. I felt bad that your homework was such a bust.”

“I don’t know. It didn’t turn out so bad.”

_Okay. Now I was in trouble. She was biting her lip and my fingers were twitching and..._

“I can’t. Bea. _We_ _can’t_.”

“I _know_. Your stupid _ethics_ ,” she pouted. “But maybe we can? Maybe they don’t count in here? We could pretend...”

“In Marco’s bathroom of Invisible Transgressions?”

Her lips were so close to mine, I could taste the peppermint on her breath. 

“Yeah,” she breathed shallowly, the feeling of her hands moving to my hips and her thumbs rubbing just above my waistband, touching my bare skin, making my eyes shut. 

Bea did kiss me first that night in Marco’s. But I kissed her back. I was the one who pressed her against their infamous graffiti-covered wall and kissed her back _hard_ , without control or regard for either of us, and I still can’t decide if I regret it. It was a terrible breach but fuck, if I was going to fall, what a glorious tumble to take.

My clit was throbbing and she was making those little sounds of hers that drove me crazy and I wanted to fuck her right there up against the wall. I needed her so much in that instant that it hurt. 

“We... we have to stop,” I stammered. 

“Okay,” Bea whispered across my cheek as she rolled her hips against mine.

My head dropped back and I squeezed my eyes shut and summoned all of my willpower. 

“Bea. I want you so fucking badly. But not like this. Okay? You deserve more than this.”

“Okay but Allie, can’t we just-“

“Nope. Nope. Not listening! Come on, let’s go outside. I can’t think in here so close to you.”

I grabbed her hands and pulled her out of the bathroom behind me and straight through the bar out into the cool evening air.

“That was so unprofessional of me. Fuck!”

“I don’t care.”

I startled. I didn’t realize I’d spoken aloud. Bea looked very cranky suddenly. 

“I’m sorry, Bea. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

“But I _want_ you,” she said plaintively. 

The emphasis she put on the word made me groan. My panties were soaked, we were both getting incredibly frustrated, and this was entirely out of hand. 

Every time she opened her mouth, I knew I was seconds away from giving in. 

“You think I don’t want you?” The words sounded harsher than I intended and I softened my tone. “We just can’t, Bea. Not like this. Fuck. Okay. We are both getting taxis. _Now_.”

“We could share one...” she offered. 

_Relentless_. I would have laughed at her persistence if it wasn’t slowly killing me. 

“I can’t, Bea.”

I wished she would understand. 

“Allie..” she pleaded. 

“I know, Bea. I know. Me too. Go home. Get naked. FaceTime me. That’s the best we can do for tonight but it will help. Yeah?”

I kissed her again, unable to help myself, as I held up an arm to hail a car for her. 

“Okay, okay,” she agreed, smoothing my hair down for me and straightening my glasses as I opened the car door for her. 

“I’ll talk to you in twenty minutes. And I’ll see you Thursday.”

That mollified her.

“Hey. I’m sorry, Allie. I didn’t mean to-“

“Yes, you did,” I smiled at her. “But so did I.”

Her breathing kicked up again and I kissed her desperately one last time and then practically pushed her into the backseat and shut the door quickly, frantically waving down the next car for myself. 

My thoughts on the way home did not help. My mind was filled with her, her scent, her smile, her lean, strong body. I wondered if she would ever let me taste her, if she would want that.

I might have groaned out loud just contemplating what that might be like, because my driver turned and asked if I was alright.

“I’m okay, thanks. Just falling for someone I’m not supposed to.”

“The hot redhead?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“I saw you two, my buddy picked her up and then you waved me down.”

“Oh,” I relaxed. “Yeah, she’s the one.”

“She married?”

“No.”

“You married?”

“No.”

“Well, I’m just a driver, but that was some kiss. The world is too harsh a place to be alone. If she feels the way you do, and from what I could see it looks like you got a good shot, you gotta try, kid.”

“It’s complicated,” I sighed.

“It always is,” he snorted a laugh and then left me alone in the quiet, squeezing my thighs together tightly as I returned to thinking about Bea.

—

***Bea***

By Thursday, I was more than eager for my appointment with Allie. I arrived early. _Too early_ , I thought, sitting down on her steps.

Five minutes later, the door opened and I heard her behind me, all sunshine and happiness.

“Excuse me, miss? Are you lost? The modeling agency is two blocks over.”

I laughed and shook my head as she helped me up. She looked gorgeous as always, in a white tailored shirt with French cuffs and a black jacket with a white pinstripe complementing her white trousers. Black stilettos completed the outfit and I tried to keep my tongue in my mouth.

“What are you doing out here, Bea?”

“I was early,” I shrugged, “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I don’t know when you’re going to get it through your head that you are never a bother or a burden to me. I enjoy our time together as much as you do.”

_I don’t know about that._

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

I nodded happily and had to remind myself not to kiss her here. Not yet. Just the thought had me walking faster.

Her eyes widened when she took my coat, finding that I was wearing the dress I’d had on Tuesday night. She shut her eyes and swallowed. 

“Bea.”

“Was that stupid? I’m sorry. I thought since you liked it-“

“Not stupid. Gorgeous. I’ve been thinking about you in that dress, and out of that dress, since the moment I put you in the car. Come on. Let’s go.”

She grabbed my hand and tugged with a renewed energy that made me smile. _Good choice with the dress._

We skipped her office and she led me directly upstairs, which did make me wonder again if maybe she was as excited as I was. Her kisses on Tuesday certainly hadn’t been therapeutic.

Reading my mind, as she all too often seemed able to do, Allie sat down on the bed, pulling me down next to her and looking at me seriously.

“Bea. What happened Tuesday-“

“I know,” I interrupted her, “it didn’t count. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.”

“Bea...” 

She looked sad and it hurt to see it so I kissed her lips gently.

“It’s okay, Allie.”

“Well, we did make some progress. You were able to come when we were on FaceTime afterwards.”

I blushed deeply. 

“That’s a good thing, Bea!”

“I like it better with you,” I whispered, kissing her again, more hesitantly this time. 

“I like everything better with you, too,” she whispered back.

Secrets shared and traded and echoed, she stood and offered me her hand. We stood, just holding one another’s hands for a moment.

“Is there anything specific you would like to work on today?”

My mind drew a blank.

“Nothing specific. Just more. More touch. More practice.” _More of you._

“Okay, that sounds good, Bea. Instead of changing today, would it be okay if I just took this dress off for you?”

“Do I get to undress you?”

She smiled at that.

“If you want.”

“I want.”

The smile broadened and her eyes darkened.

She crossed to the closet and removed two wooden hangers, dropping them on the bed next to us.

“Turn around, please, Bea.”

I complied and swept my hair up so she would have access to the back of my dress. 

She pressed a kiss to the back of my neck before she started slowly lowering the zip, placing kisses along my spine as she went, making me shiver at the delicate touch. A random thought flitted through my head. _This is what it must feel like to be worshipped._ Thoughts of pharaohs and kings passed by briefly and I felt sure Allie would have been able to bring any of them to their knees. She’d be wearing their crowns by sunset.

“Step out.” 

Her voice was a whisper, as if she didn’t want to break the spell. I stepped out of my dress and shoes obediently and turned around in time to see her breath catch.

“What?” I asked uncertainly, wondering if she was looking at my scars.

“You’re fucking beautiful, that’s what.”

I could see the sincerity on her face and it relaxed me. She eyed up the blue bra and panty set I had selected to match to my dress and licked her lips, making me feel pleased with my choice. Once she’d hung up my dress and placed the hanger on the back of the door she turned to me. I gestured for her to sit and she sank down on the bed. I had wanted to do this since our first session and anticipation had only made the desire to take her expensive clothes off more intense. I knelt in front of her, between her legs, and took her wrist in my hand. She let out a little yip of surprise and I flicked my eyes up to hers.

“Okay?” I asked

She nodded and I paused. Allie gave me a quizzical look and then smiled. 

“Yes. Very okay.”

I nodded and went back to my work of slowly, carefully removing her cuff links and placing them on the nightstand. Her shirt buttons were next and I let out a long breath as I undid them, pleased my hands were cooperating and not shaking. Before long, she was stripped down to her white bra and underwear. Allie’s eyes were as wide as saucers as I hung her clothes and returned to her.

“You make getting undressed so damn sexy, Bea,” she breathed into my ear, her hands running up and down my sides.

“Everything you do is sexy, Allie.”

Then I was on my back, her mouth hot on mine, and my hands thrilled to have access to so much soft skin. It was delicious and I allowed myself to slip away. Perhaps that was my mistake.

—

***Allie***

_God, she’s sexy._

Suddenly I felt all of her muscles tense.

“Bea?”

She didn’t respond and I pulled back, horrified to see tears in her eyes and, worse, terror. 

“Bea? It’s okay. You’re safe.”

She shook her head violently and pushed me off of her, getting to her feet. I made the mistake of trying to move towards her, repeating her name. She wasn’t seeing me, her eyes were glazed and faraway, but my movement had her backing away from me and bolting for the bathroom door, locking it behind her.

_What the fuck?_

I called to her softly and tried to get a coherent response as I pulled my pants on. All I was getting out of her were incoherent sobs, muffled by the door.

“Bea? I’m just going to go and get Bridget. I’ll be right back.”

“No!”

I ignored her and headed out of the bedroom as quickly as I could, not even taking time to put my shirt on. Too many fucking buttons.

“Bridget! BRIDGET?!”

“Allie?”

She’d heard me, her navy heels hitting the bottom step as I reached the top. 

I closed my eyes and waited for her. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

“Are you okay, Allie?” Bridget’s hands were warm in my cold, shaking ones. 

“No. But I need you for Bea right now. She just freaked out and I think she’s scared of me.”

Bridget noticed the tears in my eyes and raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, one thing at a time! Her first. Please, Bridget!”

The petite blonde gave me a curious look. 

“Okay, okay, calm down. Did she use a safe word?”

“No! I just felt her shaking and then I could tell by her eyes she wasn’t with me. I don’t know why she didn’t safe word and let me help her. It was like she couldn’t, she froze. Then she got scared and she wouldn’t let me near her.”

“Okay. Allie. Take a breath. We’ll sort it out.”

“She’s locked herself in the bathroom,” I said guiltily. 

“Allie. I’ll deal with you next. Don’t beat yourself up, please. Why don’t you go chat to Franky if you want and I’ll come get you afterwards.”

“No, I’m coming with you.”

“I see,” was all Bridget said as she keyed us back into the bedroom. 

—

***Bea***

I heard two soft knocks on the door.

“Bea?”

The voice was familiar but it wasn’t Allie. 

“Um yes?” I answered. 

“It’s Bridget. May I come in? Or would you prefer to come out?”

“Is Allie out there?”

“She is.”

I opened the door a crack to let Bridget in. I couldn’t face Allie yet, I was too mortified.

“Heya, Bea.”

The tiny blonde smiled reassuringly, acting like these were normal circumstances and I hadn’t locked myself in my sex therapist’s bathroom and I wasn’t dressed in a bathrobe I had found in there. 

She lowered herself slowly and joined me on the floor. Not too close and not blocking the door. That was good. I gulped in some deep breaths.

“Bea. What happened today? Allie says you were pretty upset.”

“Is she okay?”

“That’s an interesting response. Allie will be fine. She’s a professional and I’ll be seeing her as well. Back to you. What happened?”

“I had a flashback... to my husband hurting me,” I whispered, my eyes filling, blinking away the tears.

Bridget nodded her comprehension.

“Okay. Bea, it’s perfectly normal to be upset by that. Did you not feel you could safe word and stop?”

“I knew I _could_. But Allie would never hurt me. And she always reminds me we can stop. I just... didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to let him win and ruin something good. I might be a little stubborn. And then I couldn’t control it anymore.”

She nodded.

“Okay. You’ve experienced trauma and that’s going to come up sometimes. This is a normal bump in the road, Bea. Allie would never be disappointed or upset with you for safe wording, you know that, yeah? In fact, to do her job, she needs to _know_ you will use them. We’ll schedule a session together on this with both of you before your next appointment. Does that sound okay?”

I nodded miserably. 

“Does Allie want to see me?”

“Yes, but only if you’re up for that.“

“Okay.”

“Do you want to stay in here for a bit or would you like to come out now?”

Bridget was very kind and warm but I still felt like a silly child as I followed her out of the bathroom. 

—

***Allie***

“Hey, Bea.”

I stayed very still in a chair in the sitting area, deliberately on the far side of the room from her, keeping my voice calm and steady and not getting up and crossing the room to go to her, even though every cell in my body was urging me to. 

Bea looked over her shoulder at Bridget. I couldn’t see her face, only Bridget’s reaction. I saw reluctance in Bridget’s features as she seemed to be double-checking with Bea.

It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t see her face. Whatever she was expressing, Bridget softened and nodded at her. 

“Allie. Come see me later, yeah?”

With that, she shut the door behind her. 

“I’m sorry,” Bea’s voice cracked and I could feel pain and embarrassment radiate from her. 

Her eyes stayed on the ground as she walked and she slowly paced and moved in a roundabout manner but I knew she was heading towards me eventually and I waited. I would wait for as long as she needed. 

“Bea. I’m the one who is sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Guilt crashed over me, tumbling me like the ocean, spitting me out with a mouth full of sand. All I wanted to do was hold her but I would sit on my hands if need be. I wouldn’t touch her again until she initiated it. _If_ she initiated it, I thought sadly. She might not ever want to see me again for all I knew. 

She finally stood in front of me, somewhat unsure. I looked up and offered my hand cautiously, so relieved when she squeezed it and gave me a Mona Lisa smile. 

“Bea. Can you talk to me?”

“May I?”

That gorgeous, jumpy woman pointed to my lap and I smiled for the first time since I had realised that she was upset. 

I just nodded. I was still learning her. 

She felt so good and the smell of her hair was enough to make me need to grit my teeth to remain still and silent, but I managed it as she settled herself on my legs. I already knew she was doing this at least partially for me and the guilt rose up again but she chased it away. Her arms wound around my neck and her breath was warm and too close to my skin for me to keep my eyes entirely open. I held her very loosely, just enough to keep her balanced. I felt profound relief that she wanted physical contact with me but I still wanted to proceed carefully. 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered in my ear, tipping her face down so she could look at me. 

“Bea. Tell me what happened. Please. I never want to hurt you or scare you like that again.”

“It wasn’t you. Bad memory.”

“Did I do something?”

“No. I can’t figure out what triggered it. If you could just...”

I nodded, wanting to say ‘ _anything_ ’ because it’s true but it’s too much right now. 

“What do you need, Bea?”

“I’m so close to it. If you’ll hold me for a minute, I can try to get there again.”

“No. Absolutely not. Bea. Stop that! Open your eyes. You don’t need to-“

“Allie. Just. Shhh. Please.”

She pulled my arms around her a bit more tightly and closed her eyes again. We sat there for a long moment. I felt her start to tremble and opened my mouth but her hand was covering it before I could speak. 

Her eyes popped open and she surveyed the room carefully. 

“It was the lilies,” she whispered, looking at a vase across the room full of fresh lilies. I could tell she was remembering whatever had scared her as her grip on me tightened. 

“You don’t have to tell me. It’s totally up to you. You’re safe here, Bea,” I rubbed her back. 

“No. It’s okay. I want you to know. It really wasn’t you. On our third wedding anniversary, my husband came home drunk and he brought me lilies. I never cared for lilies and I guess I wasn’t grateful enough. He pressed my face into them while he was...” she didnt need to fill in the blanks there and I was relieved, for her sake, that she didn’t. “I don’t like lilies,” she shivered. “He got them for me every anniversary after that.”

The significance of the look she gave me told me what that meant for her. Bile rose in my throat. I knew I had to comfort her but I had a physical need to get rid of those fucking flowers. 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Bea. And that you were triggered here today. I’m just going to remove those and then we can talk more.”

“I’m okay, now, Allie. It’s okay.”

—

***Bea***

She was physically gentle but emotionally remote as she lifted us up and set me back down in the chair so very carefully. 

“Allie...”

She was a woman on a mission. The vase was in her hands and she was out of the room before I could get to my feet. I followed her into the hall and down the stairs, into the main kitchen of the house. I watched her dump the entire vase and it’s contents into the trash can and saw her pressing her hands to her face. She began to wash both vigorously in the sink. 

I opened a cabinet and found a small glass before I walked over to the fridge and found the pineapple juice she had given me on our first meeting, after I had fainted. 

“Drink this, Allie. You look pale.”

She just nodded and complied, drinking the juice down quickly. 

I took the glass from her shaking hand and placed it in the sink before I slid my arms around her.

“Can we go back upstairs?”

“Are you sure you feel up to it? We can take a break, have some tea?”

“I’m ready. If you’re okay?”

She took my hand, bringing it to her lips as we walked.

We returned to the bedroom, to the chair we had vacated, avoiding the bed. 

Allie shut her eyes and slid her glasses down to rub the bridge of her nose. 

“You always do that when you’re stressed.”

“Do I?”

I took her glasses off gently and set them down just as carefully on the table beside us. My fingers rubbed the bridge of her nose, that favored spot, before spreading the pressure out as I rubbed under her eyes, over her cheekbones, the muscles under her jaw. 

The sigh she let out made me shiver and her eyes sharpened when she felt the tremor. My hands slid from her face into her shiny blonde hair as my lips found hers. This kiss was slow and sweet, full of apologies and reassurance. 

“Are you sure?” Allie finally whispered in my ear, checking on me yet again, pulling back to read my eyes. 

“About you? A hundred percent.”

Allie kissed me harder than before and I sighed with relief. 

“Hold on tight, Bea,” she whispered, lifting me up with her as she stood.

I grabbed her glasses for her on the way up and then kept my arms around her neck and my legs tight around her waist and nodded into her shoulder. She adjusted the now unbelted bathrobe I was wearing so it hung down my back, making sure it covered me before she walked us out of the room and down the hall.

We reached a door I had never seen before and Allie pressed me up against it, holding me up with her body while keeping one of her arms underneath my bum to ensure our stability. She kissed me with such heat that my legs involuntarily clenched around her waist and my head dropped back against the door. Her lips were at my neck as she entered the door’s passcode.

—

***Allie***

After what had happened earlier, after seeing Bea so scared and finding myself feeling so helpless, I would have done anything to make her feel better. However, I wasn’t quite delusional enough to pretend that was my only motivation here.

I knew, even in that moment, as I held her up against me, gently sucking at a pulse point, feeling her galloping heart rate, hearing the click of the door to my suite opening... I knew that I needed this, too. I would have to sort those feelings later. There was no room for anything else just then. Only need and want and touch and skin and the two of us as I carried her straight to my bed, knowing there would be consequences and not giving a damn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read all of that, thank you!! I’m not sure if it’s the switching POV or what (maybe someone else who has written a fic in that style can weigh in), but all of these chapters insist on being looong. I cut a bunch of good stuff from this chapter and it’s still 8500 words. Good news is you won’t have to wait too long for the next chapter! Curious to see what you guys think of the direction this chapter took things. Best. Readers. Anywhere. 💜


	6. Chapter 6

***Bea***

I knew immediately that this was Allie’s private space. It smelled like her. It was beautiful and full of light, just like her. She’d set me down on her bed but she was still standing beside it in her white trousers and shirt, the buttons misaligned, done up in haste earlier, I supposed when I was in the bathroom with Bridget. 

“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to get our things. Do you need anything else, Bea?”

“You,” I answered with a grin which she instantly matched.

“You got me, babe. I’ll just be a minute.”

_Babe_. She had no idea what it did to me when she called me by any pet name or term of endearment. Nobody had ever done that before, unless you counted Harry frequently addressing me as “Bitch”, which I certainly did not. I banished thoughts of that awful man from this safe space, knowing the flashback from earlier had led to his lurking in my subconscious more than usual.

She kissed the corner of my mouth and stepped back quickly with a smile still on her face, shaking her head as she crossed to the door, pausing before she opened it to look back at me once more. 

She was staring. 

“Hey, Allie?”

“Yeah?”

Her eyes hadn’t left mine in a long time but it felt strangely comfortable. 

“Hurry.”

I unclipped my bra and threw it on the floor, giving her a wink, taking pleasure both at the image of my blue undergarment disrupting her perfect space and at the way the blue of her eyes receded as her pupils dilated with want. 

I was feeling playful, now that the earlier storm of my flashback had passed, and I also wanted to reassure Allie. I knew this, today, was different and I felt surprisingly open to whatever we would fill this room with, but I didn’t want worry to be on that list. I didn’t want her to hold back because I wasn’t planning to. 

“Bea...” 

Her voice was nearly as low as mine, her hand unmoving on the doorknob, and I felt the thrill of being desired by her, that new and intoxicating feeling.

I just raised an eyebrow and she made a sound that was half-laugh and half-groan. 

“Okay, okay. Right back. Stay put.”

_As if I might go wandering around your crazy sex house in just my panties_ , I thought with amusement.

—

***Allie***

I closed my door behind me and leaned back against it for a moment to compose myself. 

She had recovered far more swiftly than I had after her flashback. Perhaps she was used to it. I didn’t like that thought and I pushed it away as I walked down the hall, replacing it with the image of her leaning back on her elbows against my pillows, topless and teasing me. Now that was one I would keep. 

Of course I knew I was crossing the already blurred lines, likely in a permanent way, by bringing her to my suite. Nonetheless, it felt right.

I keyed myself into the bedroom we had been using until earlier today and immediately opened all of the windows. I’d needed distance from this room and the suddenly oppressive scent of those fucking lilies. I was sure I would never be able to smell that flower again without thinking of of a man hurting her, violating her. No, I wouldn’t have subjected either of us to returning to that room today. Of course, we had other bedrooms, but I craved the intimacy of having her in my own space. She’d looked happy enough in there, I thought, grinning at her sudden boldness as I gathered her bag and the rest of our clothing that hung on the back of the door, including her lovely dress. 

—

***Bea***

I wasn’t snooping. Really, I wasn’t. I’d been comfortably ensconced in her soft linens when I’d spotted it, sitting on top of her dresser. Listening carefully for her stride, which I knew well by now both in or out of her heels, I climbed out of her bed and crossed the room in just my underwear. 

It was her teacup. The one she had handed me in the kitchen when she’d introduced me to the other denizens of this strange, lovely house. I’d seen her put it in the sink and yet here it sat, still decorated with our lipstick marks. I recalled what Bridget’s wife, Franky, had said that day. 

_“I see why you like her so much.”_

Had Allie already been developing feelings for me then? My smile was so wide that it hurt my cheeks and I quickly wiped away the happy tears that had come uninvited, not wanting Allie to see them and wonder. And she always saw and always wondered. I really liked that about her.

I slipped back into her bed and waited, knowing she wouldn’t be much longer. I’d felt her need, as keen as my own. As if thinking of it had conjured it, the ache between my legs returned. As always, I knew Allie would soothe me and I smiled as I heard her tapping in the code to the door. 

—

***Allie***

“Hey,” I said, sounding absurdly shy, even to my own ears, as I put our things down and drank in the sight of her. 

She hadn’t responded but I could feel her gaze on me. 

“Okay, Bea?”

“Yes. I like it here,” she breathed, looking around once again. 

“Yeah?” I asked, quickly divesting myself of the clothes I’d had to hastily redress in earlier. 

I smiled at her as she nodded, relaxed, her face showing none of the strain of earlier, her body loose again, her eyes consuming me as I stripped down to my panties and came to join her, waiting for her to fold the duvet back in invitation before I climbed in beside her. 

“I like it... here,” I whispered, leaning over to capture her mouth in a kiss that felt both erotic and serious, gratified to hear her respond to me instantly with a groan.

Our kisses and touches quickly grew heated, more reminiscent of our brief moments in Marco’s bathroom than our previous therapy sessions. I pushed that thought from my mind. _It wasn’t supposed to count. And this? What about this? Deal with it later, Allie._

I knew neither of us had the emotional or physical energy for the drawn out teasing I typically preferred in my approach with her.

“One second, Bea,” I pulled back from another deep kiss, my lips already stinging in a most pleasant way. 

She let out a pouty huff as I inched away from her and I smiled at that sound, encouraged that she was feeling enough like herself to be a brat when she was turned on and not getting her way immediately. I leaned over to fish through my nightstand, pulling out a black velvet pouch. 

“This is new and sanitized. Just so you know.”

She looked on curiously as I shook a silicone bullet vibrator out of the bag before setting the bag back down on top of my nightstand. I held it up for her to examine, knowing it would likely be new for her. 

“Is this okay? I think you’ll like it.”

“Yes. I want to try it.”

I attempted to hand it to her but she shook her head.

“You, please, Allie.”

_God, that was hot_. I smirked and nodded my assent. I leaned over for another kiss, soaking up her affection. Bea happily complied, her hand cupping my cheek, fixing me in place with that curious look on her face, with such warmth and trust in her eyes that it made me swallow hard. She was a contradiction in her innocence and her sexy teasing and I enjoyed both immensely. 

I turned the toy on, letting her get used to the sound as I demonstrating how to cycle through the speeds. After a moment and another look to make sure she was comfortable, I touched the bullet to her skin, moving it over her the tops of her thighs gently, allowing her to get accustomed to the sensation, eventually moving it gradually higher. My eyes were on her face when I finally touched it to her clit through the thin scrap of her lacy underwear, making her instantly cry out and flex her hips at the unexpected shock of pleasure.

“Do you like this, Bea?”

“Fuck, yes,” she breathed. 

I growled a little at that. 

“You are always so damn polite, Bea. It’s hot, but not as hot as hearing you start swearing when we’re in bed,” I said, amusement and genuine delight filling my voice. 

“I want you so _fucking_ much, Allie,” she responded without hesitation.

_Jesus Christ, this woman._

She held my gaze and slowly moved her hands down her body, over her heated skin, stopping when she reached her hips. Bea took a breath before sliding her panties off. This was new. Even on our raciest of FaceTime chats, she’d always kept her underwear on. 

It was a huge step and one she had initiated and that pleased me and encouraged me further as I smiled at her and removed my own pair of white underwear, tossing it to join hers on my bedroom floor. I handed her the bullet and reached for the velvet drawstring bag, sliding a matching one out for myself before I felt her fingers encircle my wrist. 

“No,” she said. 

_“No?”_ I asked incredulously, feeling like we had already had a similar conversation but not liking that I was on the receiving end of the ‘no’ this time.

“Uh-uh,” Bea said in her husky, sexy voice, taking it away and putting it back in its bag. 

She surprised me entirely then, throwing one of her legs over mine as she straddled my thighs and slowly lowered herself, slipping the bullet between us carefully, watching my face until she was confident she’d hit her mark, then tilting her hips to hold it in place. 

“Holy fuuuck, Bea,” I groaned, feeling her weight pressing against me, intensifying the vibrations.

I thrilled at the thought that she seemed so comfortable doing this, taking us where she wanted while making sure I was enjoying every second as much as she was, something she needn’t have been concerned about. 

Her breasts were rubbing against mine as we moved, all soft skin and hard nipples, and I tightened the hand I had wrapped in her curls at some point, giving it a gentle tug that she clearly enjoyed, closing her eyes at the sensation.

“Oh my god. Allie! This is _so_ _good_. You feel so. Fucking. Good.”

“Bea, you have no idea. _Fuck_ , baby. The things you do to me...”

She liked hearing that and she tilted her head back, giving me a beautiful view of her as the vibrator stimulated both of our clits at the same time, our joined bodies rewarding us with the shared rhythmic waves of pleasure. We were both so wet, our arousal commingling and covering both of us as we moved together, slick and glistening from our hips down to our mid-thighs. It was by far the most erotic experience of my life. 

We were both in such a desperate state, it wasn’t long before our frantic grinding and hot kisses had us both close to the edge. She reached between us for a moment and the vibrations suddenly changed to an intermittent pulsing that made both of us moan loudly. I took her hands in mine, interlacing our fingers so that we were pushing our palms together for balance as our hips bucked in unison, driving us even higher. 

“Allie...”

Hearing my name in that rasp, her voice cracking with desire, it was almost more than I could take.

“Bea. Oh... fuck! You’re going to make me come, baby. I can’t. Can’t. Wait. Much. Longer,” my eyes were squeezing shut involuntarily and I was gritting my teeth to try to hold on to whatever vestige of control remained possible, but it wasn’t going to work for very long.

“That’s so hot, Allie. You look... I want to make you... Oh! Allie, please, please,” she panted, grinding harder and faster against me, only making the vibrations stronger as we pressed against one another with every shift, every thrust. “Allie! I have to, I need-“

I placed a firm hand on her lower back and pressed her even closer to me and that was it, both of us tipping past the point of no return.

“That’s it,” I encouraged her, “Come with me, sexy girl, just let go. I’ve got you, baby. Oh fuuuuuck, Bea!”

“Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie,” she chanted my name in rhythm with her movements as we exploded in unison. 

I was seeing stars as we rocked one another through long, shuddering orgasms, my fingertips gently squeezing her nipples as she gasped and shook on top of me. My own release was so overwhelmingly intense that my brain shut down for a moment. I’d been so filled with need for her for so long that the relief was exquisite.

As her tremulous breaths began to regulate again and I regained a measure of ability to function, I reached down and removed the bullet from between us, turning it off and tossing it aside. My palms flattened against her upper back as I drew her down to lie on my chest. She tucked her head under my chin and I wrapped both of my arms around her to keep her there, unwilling to relinquish this most pleasurable intimacy just yet. I felt her reciprocate, her delicate hands sliding over my rib cage and underneath me. 

“You can take that toy home with you,” I said with a smile. 

She just nodded against my shoulder and shivered, still recovering.

It was the first time I had ever orgasmed with a client, although I wasn’t thinking of her as such in those sacrosanct moments in my bedroom. It was also the first time I had orgasmed with another human being in at least five years and a wave of unexpected emotion threatened to sweep me away. I couldn’t have stopped the tears if I had tried, although perhaps it was telling that I didn’t bother to try.

She raised her head and looked at me curiously. 

“Are you okay?” 

She whispered the question, rolling herself off of me when I didn’t- couldn’t- answer. I felt a stab of fear and shame for a brief moment, when I thought she might be getting up. Leaving me. But this was Bea. She was simply moving next to me to hold me, sliding her naked body up against mine, her breasts pressing against my back as she spooned me and stroked my bare skin with a sweetness as unique to her as her scent.

“Allie?” She took my hand and used my index finger to tap her own shoulder. I smiled at that, her use of a gesture only meaningful here, in this house, for us. 

“With me?” she asked, with that look on her face. It wasn’t quite concern but maybe just... care. She cared. It only made the tears come faster. 

“Yeah. I’m here,” I managed, and she seemed to understand and simply settled into the moment, kissing my wet cheeks, but not trying to stop me from crying, just holding me through it as I shook in her arms, unnerved by the role reversal, the lack of control, the shedding of the artifice I had worked so very hard to construct over the years. I kept coming back to one warm blanket of a thought: _It’s okay, it’s Bea._

—

***Bea***

After making love, and neither of us could pretend that it had been something less than that, we took our time, caressing one another, just enjoying the feeling of skin on skin. Allie’s tears had stopped and we had our foreheads tipped together, frequently making eye contact as our hands roamed, seeking and providing a comfort and tenderness that I was surprised to see Allie needed as much, if not more, than I did. It made me feel warm and happy to give her back even a small measure of the security she always provided for me. 

When her fingers stilled and I realised she’d fallen asleep, I smiled and inched my way out from under her arm, sitting up and admiring her properly. She looked so very beautiful, naked and satiated in the late afternoon light, her hair fanned out on her pillow, smiling a little, even in her sleep. _Now that is cute._ My fingers itched to sketch her like this but, without her permission, that might seem inappropriate at best and creepy at worst. 

I had another thought and carefully reached for my bag, not wanting to wake her.

I let her sleep for an hour before I got dressed and began to gently wake her, tracing her lips with a fingertip. She bit me gently and I laughed. 

“Allie. I’m sorry to wake you up, but it’s getting late. I have to go. Today was...”

She nodded, sleepy and adorable. 

“For me, too, Bea.”

We smiled at one another and I kissed her goodbye. 

“Wait! I’ll walk you out.”

“That’s okay. I know my way. Plus... I want to think of you here later, just like this.”

I watched her face as she considered that and decided she liked it. 

“Okay, Bea. One more kiss?”

It was reassuring, especially today after my PTSD meltdown, to see this vulnerable, sweet side of Allie. Plus it felt good to hear again that she wanted me, that I wasn’t just a job for her, or a broken doll to mend. I liked so many things about her but her sincerity never failed to move me.

I bent and kissed her goodbye, keeping my mouth closed, much to her apparent consternation. I’d been playing that game too recently to fall for it so I just laughed and consoled her by dropping kisses on her forehead and cheeks as well as her lips.

“I’ll call you later,” she sighed. 

“You’d better,” I teased.

I sighed and felt the same reluctance that usually met me at the front door hit me as I turned her bedroom doorknob. Time to admit it, I suppose. I just didn’t like leaving _her_. This time, when I turned, I placed a hand on my heart, watching her reciprocate the gesture with immediate understanding, making it both easier and harder for me to go. 

—

***Allie***

Bea’s departure threatened to cloud my sunny mood but I refused to let it, humming happily to myself as I put on my favorite silk robe and began tidying my room. It didn’t take long and I was about to head downstairs when I saw it. 

There was a piece of paper on top of my dresser, the corner tucked under the teacup Liz had had rescued for me. I picked it up gingerly and my mouth fell open. The sketch was a perfect replica of the cup, drawn to size in pencil, the imprints of our lips delicately shaded in. I felt an onslaught of emotion, still raw from our encounters today, both the difficult one and the wonderful one. There was embarrassment that she’d seen it, pleasure that she’d known it’s significance and sketched it, amazement at this talent of hers I hadn’t known about. And then I saw the small inscription in the bottom right corner and lifted it closer to read it. 

_Allie,  
_   
_You’re just my cup of tea._

_Love, Bea_

I smiled and shook my head. I mean, _come_ _on_. It was somewhat of a comfort to know I’d never really stood a chance. Of course I’d fallen for her. 

—

***Bea***

I was late getting home, barely beating Debbie. I ordered pizza on my way, knowing I didn’t have the time or energy to cook.

“Earth to Mum. Come in, Mum.”

I looked up to find Debbie staring at me as she ate her ham and pineapple pizza. I realised I didn’t know how Allie liked her pizza and for some reason, it seemed important. I decided I would find out. 

“What? I’m sorry, baby. I’m distracted tonight.”

“Is everything okay?”

The wariness in her eyes bothered me. The way she braced herself. 

“Debbie. Everything is fine, I promise. Really good, actually.”

“Is that so?” She grinned. “Anything you’d like to share with the class?”

I grinned and shook my head at her cheeky expression. 

“Nope. Speaking of class, you had a Shakespeare lecture today, right?”

Debbie nodded and launched into a rant about “King Lear” to which I half listened while I chewed my own pizza and drifted back to thoughts of a soft cloud of a bed and the angelic face of its occupant. 

I’d finished the washing up and Debbie had headed to her room to study for the evening. Once I’d run out of tasks to complete, I took a long shower, noting with pleasure a few small souvenirs Allie had left on my body. A small bite on my hip left a red circle of tender skin. My nipples were still reddened and a bit sore from her attention. I had small half moons just where her nails had dug into my back as she orgasmed. Examining the marks on my body had never been a source of happiness before and I quite enjoyed the change. 

—

***Allie***

I hoped maybe Bridget had gone upstairs with Franky for the evening already and I padded softly by her office, freezing when I heard my name. 

“Allie! Wait!”

“Oh. Hey, Bridget. I was just coming to see you!”

She folded her arms and grinned, leaning against her doorway.

“Sure you were. You look just like Franky does when I catch her eating my good chocolate in the middle of the night.”

I laughed at that. 

“Speaking of chocolate, I’m starving. Are you hungry? I’m just going to-“

“Putting it off doesn’t mean we aren’t going to talk about this, Allie.”

Her tone was gentle but I still felt myself bristling. I looked over her shoulder, at her uncharacteristically messy desk. _Right, billing. Oh, fuck._

“Shit! Bridget, tell me you didn’t bill her.”

She frowned at my urgent tone.

“Bea? I did, yeah, why?”

“Fuck! Can you undo it?”

“I charged the card we have on file. I guess I can reverse it but-“

“Will she see it?”

“I’d imagine. Allie, what is this? Come sit with me.”

I followed her into her office reluctantly. Sometimes Bridget’s kindness was harder for me to accept than her bluntness. I wasn’t sure which I was hoping for just then. 

“This could not have happened at a worse time...”

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed unhappily. 

“I think you’d better fill me in here. This isn’t because you feel guilty about Bea’s flashback, is it? Because, Allie, that wasn’t your fault, love. You did everything right.”

Kindness it was. Ouch.

“No. I know that. She found the trigger. It was the lilies. That reminds me, I need to tell Liz to make sure the florist never sends us lilies again.”

She nodded and waited patiently. I suppose I was being less than forthcoming but Bridget and I knew one another well and we had our own style of communicating. 

“Okay, then what _is_ this about?” 

I sighed.

“It’s about what happened after that in my bedroom.”

“In your... wait. _Your_ bedroom, as in your personal suite?”

“Yeah. I know, I know.”

“Oh, _Allie_. What were you thinking?”

Ah, that tone was better. I could take being reproached, I’d earned that at least. 

“Well. I have a feeling you’re _really_ not going to like the next part.”

Bridget shrugged, palms up. 

“Try me.”

“I came with her, Bridget. And cried. And fell asleep.”

Bridget was silent. When I finally looked up, I was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

“What?” I asked dumbly, confused. 

“Oh, Allie. I’m just... conflicted.”

“I know the feeling,” I snorted.

She brought a hand up to her face.

“I’m so happy for you. I know how long it’s been since you’ve let yourself open up with someone like that. I’m really so pleased that you were able to experience that. You deserve to have that. But, Allie, she is still a client. And a client suffering from trauma. I’m reversing her charges now. That’s another thing we need to discuss but it can wait. You’ve had a long day.”

I shook my head.

“Go on.”

“Okay. I was going through the appointment book and the billing. Since Bea became a client, I’ve noticed you’ve been referring most of yours either to Franky or outsourcing to our colleagues.”

_Well. Someone was going to notice eventually. I’d been hoping for Liz._

“Just the ones that require hands-on work. Just while I figure this out. It... didn’t feel good.”

I was subjected to another Bridget stare and I wondered if she understood that it was deeper than even she realised. Bea was changing me. The only session I’d worked in actively since her had left me feeling dirty, stirring up all of those ancient insecurities about what I used to be, who I used to be.

“Does she know you’re doing that?”

Bridget deduced from my sudden interest in her area rug that I had, in fact, not mentioned that to Bea, as such. Okay, at all.

“Can you afford to do that?”

“I’m not going to let it affect the business, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’d like you to bill me for Bea’s sessions. Whatever you charged her, just put it on my card.”

“Allie-“

“Bridget, please. I insist.”

“Hear me out. You know I’m always on your side. I’m not saying I approve of this... whatever it is. But I did think about what you said, about if it was Franky and I was in your position.”

She sighed heavily.

“If you’re hell bent on pursuing this, I have an idea for you.”

_Oh, Bridget. You big softie._ I smiled at her and leaned back in my chair.

“I’m all ears.”

—

***Bea***

I was in bed by the time Allie called and I picked it up immediately, relieved she had called, that she hadn’t changed her mind.

“Hi, Allie!”

“Hey, babe. How are you feeling?”

I smiled broadly at that. 

“Mmm. Fantastic. And you?” I asked curiously 

“Whatever is better than fantastic.”

I laughed at the goofy face she made.

“I’m glad, Allie.”

“And thank you for my drawing.”

“Do you like it?” I asked hopefully. I hadn’t had as much time as I would have liked to sketch our cup for her whilst she’d napped this afternoon, but I had been pleased with the result nonetheless. 

“Are you kidding? I love it. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.”

“I doubt that... but I’m glad you like it.”

“You are incredibly talented, Bea.”

I blushed. 

“Thanks. You’re sweet to say so.”

“Just honest,” she insisted. 

I shook my head but smiled at the compliment. Harry used to burn my sketchbooks as a punishment. He didn’t like me to be too good at anything. I could see that now. It had taken me a long time to start drawing again. 

“You must be tired,” she finally said, pulling my attention back to her. “Long day. Ready for some Harry Potter?”

In truth, I was feeling so physically satisfied and emotionally content, I would probably be able to fall asleep on my own. Yet, I also craved her voice and so I nodded, noting she looked pleased to be ending our roller coaster of a day together, even if it was via FaceTime and Hogwarts. 

—

***Allie***

Bea was sleeping soundly as I read what I figured would be our last chapter of the night. It was getting late. I caught movement on my screen out of the corner of my eye and paused. Debbie’s face appeared as she slowly climbed onto the bed.

“Can I listen for a little bit?” She whispered. 

I took a careful look at her, noting the curls in disarray, the paleness of her complexion.

“Yeah, of course, but... Do you need your mum, Deb? Want me to hang up?”

Debbie glanced at Bea, making sure she was still asleep before shaking her head emphatically. 

“Just a bad dream. Don’t tell her.”

I softened at that. 

“I won’t. Okay. Get cosy.”

I watched her settle herself carefully on Bea’s bed. I noticed she’d brought her own blanket in instead of getting under Bea’s covers and she arranged herself carefully so that she wasn’t touching her mum, clearly not wanting to startle her in the night. I was both impressed by her consideration and saddened that she had to think about such things. 

“Okay, kid. Deep breaths, now. I’ll tell you the same thing I tell your mum after a nightmare. Don’t try to fall back to sleep immediately. Listen for a chapter and let your brain change tracks. Okay? Just let your body relax and listen to my voice and soon enough, back to sleep. Yeah?”

“Okay,” she nodded, already yawning. 

Thirty minutes later, I thought Debbie was finally asleep when she whispered, eyes fluttering. 

“This is nice.”

I felt a strange lump in my throat but pushed it down and just smiled at her. 

“Where did you come from anyway?” the sleepy girl murmured, folding her hands under her head, eyes only half open.

“Melbourne,” I whispered.

Even in her near-sleep, she smiled. 

“Not what I meant.”

“I know. Shhh now. One more chapter, yeah?”

“Okaaay, Allie.”

God, she was so like her mother that I almost laughed at her whine. I’d have read to them all night but “one more chapter” sounded like something people said when reading to a kid. She might be twenty, but she was very much a kid tonight.

I read until Debbie was deeply asleep and then watched them for a few moments, comforted that at least neither of them would wake alone. My own bed felt particularly cold and empty and I had to remind myself that I had chosen exactly that. It hadn’t even bothered me in a long time. Maybe not until Bea had warmed the space beside me today, however briefly.

—

***Bea***

Friday morning, I woke before my alarm and saw Debbie sleeping in my bed, on top of my covers. I frowned. It had been months since Debbie’s last nightmare. She usually woke me though, allowed me to hold her and comfort her like when she’d been small. I looked at the phone still propped on my nightstand and things suddenly clicked. _Shit_. I picked it up and checked the call time on Allie’s last FaceTime. Two and a half hours. I looked back at Debbie’s face. Her muscles were relaxed as she slept, but her mussed hair and the faint redness around her eyes confirmed that she’d definitely had a nightmare. A bad one, by the looks of things. I kissed her cheek and tasted salt on my lips. 

“Mum,” she mumbled with mild annoyance. 

“Hey, baby. Are you okay? Bad dream?”

She stretched and her eyes blinked open. 

“Yeah,” she said in her rough morning voice. 

“You didn’t wake me? Debbie, you know you can always wake me up.”

“I was okay, Mum, I wanted you to get sleep, too.”

I waited patiently.

“And your friend, Allie, read to me until I got back to sleep,” she confessed sheepishly. 

I’d guessed as much but my mouth still opened and closed dumbly as I searched for words. 

“Are you angry, Mum?” 

She looked so hesitant that I was taken aback.

“No! No, baby, never! Why would I be angry about that? I’m just... surprised, that’s all.”

“I like her, Mum. She’s nice.”

“Yeah. She is, isn’t she?” 

“Want some tea?” Debbie offered me the kindness of letting me end the conversation if I chose. She was such a good, intuitive girl. 

“I’ll get it, sweets. You stay put.”

I was glad Debbie had no classes today and could stay home and rest a bit more. Her friends called and invited her to go out with them for the day but I heard her decline. I could understand that, not wanting to advertise one’s fragility, but I still didn’t like it, imagining what her nightmare had likely consisted of. I brought her a mug of tea to drink in my bed, kissed her forehead, and let her know I was just going to call Allie to thank her. 

I closed the bedroom door and walked back into the kitchen as I hit Allie’s contact and waited for her to pick up. 

“Morning, Sunshine! Missing me already, then? I figured.”

That cocky grin of hers was contagious but I gave her a serious look. 

“Debbie told me about last night. And I checked the time. Allie...”

“It was no big deal, Bea.”

“You took care of my baby. It’s a big deal to me. Thank you.”

“Okay,” she relented. “She seems like a great kid, Bea.”

“She is. The best. She likes you, too.”

Allie’s face flushed and I wondered curiously as to the emotion behind it. 

“I... It’s not why I read to her, you know I would do that anyway, but... I do want her to like me.”

As she so often did, Allie answered my question without me asking. I was beyond touched by her admission. 

“That’s so sweet, Allie. Debbie doesn’t take to people easily so it is quite the compliment. She’s not shy about it either way.” I laughed and she joined me, producing that bubbly, musical sound that never failed to cheer me.

“So what are you up to today?”

Allie mentioned some errands and preparing for an appointment next week that she was vague about. I let it go. It wasn’t my business. She would tell me if she wanted me to know. 

I listened to her chatter as I ran through some of my morning routine. I began to apply oil to my scars, stretching to reach the largest one, running from behind my collar bone and over my shoulder, down around my back, curving into my underarm. I knew she’d seen it, touched it, kissed it, so it would be silly to feel self-conscious. And yet. 

“Vitamin E?” Allie asked. 

I nodded. It felt strangely intimate, applying it in front of her, even with the remove of our screens. 

“That’s a pretty impressive scar, that one.”

I nodded. 

“I broke that shoulder pretty badly. Dislocated it and tore the rotator cuff. Needed surgery. I’ve healed well but it was immobilized for twelve weeks and then I did a ton of physical therapy. But I’ll always have the scar.”

“Makes you look like a badass.”

I laughed at that, stopping when I saw a serious look flick across her face, followed by a long pause. 

“What, Allie? It’s okay.”

“It’s just... That must have been some surgery. Hey, Bea? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but how did you hurt your shoulder?”

I paused. 

“You’re clever. You tell me.” 

“I’m thinking your ex-husband did that damage.”

“You mean my _late_ husband?”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I thought you were divorced for some reason.”

I squinted in confusion. 

“Is that a joke?”

_What was she playing at?_

“No? Bea, are you okay? You look-”

“Allie... are you saying...” My head was swimming now. “Do you really not know who I am?”

“Well, usually only wankers say that, but you aren’t a wanker, so... no?”

“Allie! Don’t you screen your clients? You let any crazy person come in there off the street?!”

She raised an eyebrow. 

“I have to go.”

“What? Bea, What in the hell is going on? Please. I’m so confused.”

I was crying by then, barely aware of it as I made no move to wipe away the tears.

“I thought you _knew_. I should have guessed, you’ve been so nice to me,” my tone was mournful.

“Are we speaking in fucking code here or what?”

“I have to go. This was a big mistake. I should have known better. Allie, I’m so sorry.”

“For _what_? I don’t understand, Bea.”

“Google me. Then we can talk. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll understand. Allie... please don’t watch the videos. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t hiding it. I really thought you knew.” 

I ended the call, feeling incredibly stupid, berating myself for being so naive. Of course a gorgeous, smart, kind, perfect woman like Allie wouldn’t have been interested in me if she’d known who I really was. _What_ I really was. I was so angry at myself for being so damn foolish, for allowing so much hope to enter my life along with Allie’s presence. Things had been okay before I knew she existed, that we could maybe even exist. They hadn’t exactly been great, but they had been manageable. I had been coping. 

_What the fuck am I supposed to do now?_

—

***Allie***

I stared at my phone in shock after Bea hung up. Finally, I opened our house chat and sent an emergency text calling everyone to the kitchen. If Franky was with a client we would proceed without her. I didn’t know what this was yet but I knew it couldn’t wait. 

Within minutes, Bridget, Franky, and Liz were in the kitchen, looking at me expectantly. 

“Yo. What’s up, Al? Everything okay?”

I shook my head at Franky, catching her eye, watching her green gaze turn to concern. 

“Liz. Have we stopped doing background checks on new clients?”

“If by ‘we’ you mean ‘me’, and I see that you do, we haven’t stopped those, darling, no.”

Liz stared at me very patiently until she saw the comprehension that flooded my face. 

“You already know who she is, don’t you?”

“Who _who_ is? I’m confused,” Franky said. 

“ _Bea_ ,” I said impatiently, as if it was obvious.

“Yeah, darling. Recognized her right off plus I did run the check. I would never put you at risk, Allie.”

I ducked my head in shame. Liz was so good to me and I had been so rude. 

“I’m sorry, Liz. I’m just... I didn’t know. I still don’t. I’m scared to look.”

Nonetheless, I flipped open my laptop and pressed the power button, waiting impatiently for it to boot up.

“So? Who the fuck is she then?” Franky asked impatiently

Liz gave her a look before she answered softly.

“Well, she’s the Red Widow, now isn’t she, love?”

“Holy shit! I remember that case. She looks different when she’s not soaked in blood.”

“You reckon?” Bridget rolled her eyes at her wife and sent her some telepathic message that had Franky sighing. 

“I’m sorry. It’s true, though, Gidge.”

”But not helpful,” Bridget said, casting a meaningful glance in my direction that she thought I missed.

I didn’t recall all of the details but I knew the image Franky was referring to, the press had used it constantly back then. My mind called it up easily now, having seen it online and on tabloid press covers for months. A photo of Bea, and now it was so clearly her in my mind that I wondered how I’d ever missed it. In the shot, she was standing in the doorway of a house and she was covered in blood. So much blood. It had coated her red hair and made it appear wet, smeared across her face, soaked right through her shirt. Her eyes were wild, a carving knife raised above her head in one hand. _The Red Widow._

I was unable to think any further as I heard only the whoosh of my blood rushing in my ears, felt my heart pounding, my extremities tingling. _Am I having a heart attack?_

“Allie.”

“Allie? Love?”

“Allie?! Are you okay?”

I could hear them but their voices sounded far away. I recognised that Bridget and Liz were still calling my name, but I found myself unable to respond. Franky’s voice had sounded panicked and I had an absurd thought to comfort her, though I was uniquely incapable at the moment. Then their hands were on me, physically moving my body, which was fine by me, since I seemed unable to control it myself.

“Okay, Allie, thats it, just sit down.”

“You’re okay, darling, it’s okay now.”

I shook my head. It was not okay. Only Franky, biting her nails as she stared at me, seemed to see that. Nothing about this was okay.

I reached for the laptop, well aware of the glances they were giving one another above my head. 

“Allie. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea right now?” Bridget asked gently.

I just shook my head and went to Google, first calling up the news articles.

My heart broke and then shattered and then splintered as I absorbed the details of Bea’s ordeal. Bea had killed her husband, Harry, after an eighty-six hour long hostage situation during which he had kept her awake the entire time, torturing her. He did things to her that left even the most heartless and rabid of the news media camped out in front of her house wearing looks of utter shock and horror.

I could feel them, my chosen family, surrounding me closely without touching me, could hear Liz’s tuts and Bridget’s gasp and Franky’s swearing as they read along. 

I clicked a video, holding up a hand before anyone protested. 

A content warning played before the anchor summarized the “ongoing domestic hostage event” and cut to a live report from a woman who was crying instead of updating their coverage. They cut away and flashed a picture up on the screen. Only Bea’s face was visible, the rest of her blurred out as her husband pressed her nude body up against their front window and violated her in front of the crowd of police, press, and bystanders. Her eyes were blank. I hit pause. 

“There.”

He had her arm twisted the wrong way to wrap it all the way around the back of his neck, her body pulled up taut, ensuring Bea’s head blocked any opportunity for sniper fire. Her shoulder was clearly pulled out of its socket and badly injured. _Fucking bastard piece of shit._ I felt an incredible surge of anger towards a man I logically knew was dead, wishing I could kill him again myself. 

—

***Bea***

I couldn’t remember what had set Harry off that first day, when it began. Wasn’t that strange? I should remember. The police had asked me again and again but it never came back. The doctors said between the forced sleep deprivation, the emotional trauma, and my physical injuries, it was normal to forget or block out some details, but I thought it strange that I still couldn’t remember that bit, three years later.

The worst moment wasn’t the rapes, or the beatings, or the public humiliation. The worst part by far was when the police put Debbie on their bullhorn, thinking Harry might be swayed by his daughter’s voice. They didn’t know him at all. She had sounded so scared. I had accepted that I was going to die dozens of hours ago, but I couldn’t bear to think of Debbie. I hoped they would have the sense to remove her before they had to carry my body bag out. 

“See what you’ve done? She’ll be an orphan when this is over,” he’d sneered, “all because you couldn’t just be a decent fucking wife and do as I said.”

I knew he liked it when I cried, when I begged, so I had tried not to, no matter how terrified or hurt I was. Debbie’s shaking, pleading voice over the tinny speaker, though, that finally broke me. The woman I used to be died that day on the cold tile floor in our old kitchen. In her place, though, the woman who would survive was born. I’d been working at the tape binding my wrists behind me, even though every movement sent a kind of pain even I hadn’t known existed shooting through my injured arm and shoulder. I was free from the tape for almost an hour before I got my opportunity. Harry was drunker than I’d ever seen him and he was whistling while he urinated in the hall bathroom. I’d moved silently, which is more difficult than it sounds when your body is screaming, screaming, screaming. I grabbed the biggest knife out of the wooden block on the countertop. No room for hesitation in this new incarnation of me, I’d swiftly cut my ankles free and I was waiting for him when he rounded the corner. 

Whistling. He’d still been whistling when I’d driven the knife into his throat. I remember mostly being surprised at the rapid spurts of warm blood that pumped out of his neck, spraying me, soaking me, bathing me, as if to baptize the new Bea that had been born that day. I’d never told anyone about how she... how _I_... stood there, my chest heaving, how I waited to make absolutely sure he was dead before I staggered out of our house for the last time.

—

***Allie***

On the next news clip, Bea had exited the house, knife visible in the one arm she could raise, and there was the source of the infamous Red Widow photo. It was incredibly unfair. I watched her looking around, perhaps wildly to an outsider, but I knew in my bones she was scanning that crowd for Debbie. 

Bea threw the knife down upon police command and they rushed at her in full riot gear. 

I heard my own voice cry out as I watched them take her to the ground and try to cuff her. The scream she let out when they wrenched her broken shoulder was not something I would forget. 

A female officer quickly took charge of the situation, cradling Bea’s arm as she got her to her feet and away from the house as the police stormed into it, escorting her over to the medics. 

One asshole reporter had the nerve to stick a microphone in Bea’s blood-streaked face. 

_“Ms. Smith! Ms. Smith! Do you regret staying with your abusive husband for so long?!”_

I watched as Bea recoiled on camera along with all of us huddled around the laptop in the kitchen. 

“What kind of question is that?” Bea snarled, “The only thing I _regret_ is not killing him sooner.”

Franky’s hand squeezed my shoulder and she let out a rough laugh.

“Your girl is tough.”

“The toughest,” I affirmed, giving her a grateful look.

_My girl._

The last clip I played was footage of the medics trying to strap a screaming Bea down onto a gurney while they cut her clothes off, both of which seemed to be upsetting her. I felt myself growing angrier and angrier, my fists clenching. After what she’d been through. Look at her. She still had duct tape hanging from her ankles and wrists. Angry bruises purpled her neck. Not to mention the arm they had folded onto her chest for the moment. 

How could they do that? How could they even send male paramedics near her? I watched them sedate her and the camera cut back to the reporter.

Bridget must have been watching me closely. 

“Franky, the trash can.”

“Wha-“

“Hurry. she’s going to be-“

_Too late_. I vomited into my lap, completely unaware it was coming, unlike Bridget.

“Oh fuck, that’s gross,” Franky said.

Bridget or Liz must have glared at her as she stopped talking. 

Liz disappeared and reappeared with a plastic bag for my clothes and a bathrobe. 

“Okay, love. We’ve got you. Here, now, you’re alright.”

After enduring being showered and dressed by Franky, she agreed to retrieve my phone from downstairs for me. I dialed Bea repeatedly for ten minutes, to no avail. I was driving myself insane with worry when her name finally flashed up on my FaceTime.

Relief sang through my veins but it was short-lived. 

I answered, only to see Debbie’s face, not Bea’s, and she was clearly displeased, no longer the soft child she’d been during our last conversation. 

“What the _fuck_ did you do?” she spat angrily. 

“What? I didn’t-“

“Oh yeah? Well she was just fine until she talked to you. I don’t know what you said but you’d better get over here and fix it. _Right now_.”

“What’s going on, Debbie? Please.”

“You tell me! She was fine, then she was on the phone with you, then she was crying in her closet and now she’s outside. She’s drinking wine and she took a big box of her throwing dishes with her.”

“Throwing dishes?”

The girl rolled her eyes. 

“Not the point, _Allie_.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Thanks, Debbie.”

She hung up on me. 

I looked at Franky, silently daring her to argue with me. 

She held up her hands in surrender. 

“Come on. I’ll drive ya. Let’s go out the back, though. I’m gonna be in the doghouse for this one.”

“If the domicile fits...”

She grinned. 

“There you are.”

“Thanks, Franky. I owe you one for this.”

“Nah. I think you and Bea are both owed at least one. Right. Let’s go. I swear, Allie, if you puke in my car, I’ll Red Widow you.”

I glared at her. 

“Too soon?”

She squeezed my hand and I knew she wasn’t unaffected. Quite the opposite, actually. She was just coping the best way she knew how, with extremely offensive gallows humor. 

Twenty-four minutes later, I heard the flip of a lock opening. And another. And another. And a fourth. A deadbolt sliding. Debbie opened the door but left it chained, peering at me through the crack and making a huffing sound before releasing the chain fully and allowing me in, performing the ritual in reverse as she locked the door again. 

“Hey, Debbie. I-“

“Pass,” she said abruptly. “Go out that way,” Debbie pointed me towards the door to what looked like a courtyard. 

I nodded and began to head that way, already craning my neck for a glimpse of Bea. 

“Oh, and Allie?”

I turned and waited quietly, unwilling to piss Debbie off any more than I already had. 

“She doesn’t know I called you. She might get mad. Come get me if you need help.”

_Well, that wasn’t terrifying. Nope, not at all._

—

***Bea***

I ignored her for as long as I could as she stood quietly in the courtyard, one of the reasons I’d purchased this house. It allowed me to be outside while still having privacy. Allie stood there and I could sense her trying to read me as she watched me hurl dishes I’d picked up at the charity shop for this express purpose, listening to them break against the brick wall I used as a target. 

“Debbie let you in,” I said finally, handing her a salad plate and watching her throw it, nodding in satisfaction as it shattered. 

“Yes,” she confirmed. 

I handed her another dish and we began throwing them together, standing in silence other than the crashing of ceramic.

“It’s fun, right?” I said inanely.

She nodded and gritted her teeth before throwing a soup bowl.

“Not bad,” I remarked. “You look different.”

She looked down and made a surprised face. 

“Franky picked out my clothes. Well, her clothes,” she explained, apparently only thinking to look down at them now. A black AC⚡️DC tee and leggings. 

“These aren’t even my shoes,” she observed in an oddly detached voice, looking at a pair of purple trainers someone had apparently slipped on for her. She shrugged and I knew there was only one reason Allie would have needed that level of assistance today. 

“You watched the videos,” I sighed, taking in the sudden stress lines around her eyes, the redness at the bridge of her nose where she had been rubbing it. “I asked you not to.”

I sat down on the steps, next to the box of dishes, nodding when she eyed the spot next to me. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” she offered, looking down at her knees. 

“Me too.” I _was_ sorry for her, that she’d seen them. They had clearly upset her even more than I had worried it would. 

She shook her head at my consolation. 

“Oh, Bea.”

“Did you come to say goodbye?” I asked her, proud that my voice stayed strong although I felt anything but at the moment. 

“No!” She locked eyes with me. “Why would you think that?”

“I’m a murderer, Allie.”

“You’re a survivor. And a damn good mother.”

“You’ll never be able to see me the same way.”

“I’ve _always_ seen you, Bea. All of you. Not just the bad things that happened to you. So I didn’t know the details. Now I do. So what? None of it changes who you are or how I feel about you.”

“Then you’re fucking insane,” I said in an even tone. 

“Entirely possible. Why? Is that a deal-breaker for you?”

I laughed and Allie looked as if she’d won a prize.

Throwing the dishes always helped.

_Oh, who was I kidding?_ Being near her helped. The scent of her shampoo helped. Looking at her in those ridiculously out of character clothes helped. _Allie_ helped. 

—

*****Debbie*****

I can be an excellent spy. I learned at a very young age how to be silent and still. To hide or to merely go unnoticed when needed, for my own safety and for Mum’s sake. I am not supposed to do it anymore, because apparently spying is “rude”, but I decided to watch through the window anyway. _Just for a bit_ , I rationalized. 

Okay, so I was spying, _but_ Mum was throwing things and I had sort of insisted that Allie come so it felt like I should probably make sure she was alright. Also, Mum says I am quite nosy.

I observed as she eventually handed Allie a plate and soon they were both throwing dishes companionably. Oddly, that seemed like an improvement. 

I watched them sit down. Mum usually got tired of her throwing dishes eventually, but not this soon. I paid close attention. 

_Did she laugh just then? She did!_

They were just sitting and talking now. Close together. To keep me from hearing? Hmm. Maybe, but... maybe not. 

I held my breath and watched as Mum’s hands came up and touched Allie’s hair. 

_Huh. Maybe Allie wants a haircut?_

I knew Mum had been a hairdresser when I was small. I had vague memories of “helping” her sweep up with a tiny broom, but that was before _he_ made her quit. She’d always cut my hair, though, and still did. 

I maintained my vigil although I felt myself relax as I saw them smiling. I had just decided I would probably forgive Allie when I saw her lean forward and kiss Mum on the lips, holding her face in her hands. Even better? Mum was kissing her _back.  
_

_What the hell is happening?_

I’d known she was happy about her mysterious new friend but I sure wasn’t expecting _that_. I slipped away from the window and went to wait for them on the couch, grinning as I processed this new development. 

_Good for you, Mum._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, whew, everybody okay? I know Bea’s backstory here was brutal but it explains the severity of the trauma she’s been carrying. I hope it wasn’t too hard to read, although it was rough on poor Allie as well. I did want to end in an optimistic place, though, which is why you didn’t get a cliffhanger and got another novel instead. Obviously, I decided to test out your professed enthusiasm for long chapters, haha. 
> 
> If you liked ending with a peek from Debbie’s perspective, you have TotallyCormacked to thank since they asked for it in their comment (yet another reason to participate, sometimes I might love your ideas so much it is impossible not to include them!). So much thanks to you, TC 💜. I have a feeling we will be hearing more from Debbie in the future. 
> 
> Believe it or not, I have plenty left for this story, so if this chapter wasn’t “your cup of tea”, I hope you hang in there. Really curious to hear what you think, either way. 
> 
> I say it often and mean it always, Best. Readers. Around. 💜❤️


	7. Chapter 7

***Bea***

“Allie,” I pulled back from our third kiss reluctantly.

“Yes?” she asked, keeping her hands on my cheeks and her mouth close to mine until I started laughing nervously.

“Um,” I pushed her hands down onto my lap and played with her fingers. “So, we are going to have to decide what to tell Debbie about how we met. I’m pretty sure she was spying on us just now.”

“So we are _not_ going with sex therapy, then?” Allie teased.

“I don’t think so,” I smiled. “Debbie is not exactly open-minded that way. She’s more traditional than I am, actually.”

“Do I need to ask her for permission before I ask you on a date then?” she teased.

“Not _that_ traditional,” I laughed.  
  
Inside, I glowed. _She wants to ask me on a date!_

“Okay, l got this, don’t worry. Come on, then, we might as well face the music. Hey, Bea? Do you... _want_ me to ask you on a date?”  
  
I saw she expected me to give her a hard time and decided to surprise her.

“Sure, Allie,” I kissed her cheek and started walking towards our side door. “Maybe I’ll even say yes,” I tossed over my shoulder.

“Bea! Not cute!”

I smiled as she followed me into the house.  
—  
Debbie did not hold back, firing questions off at us before we had even sat down in the kitchen. I was pouring tea when she sat down in a chair and scooted it closer to Allie.  
  
“So, how did you two meet?”

“In the therapy and trauma community,” Allie answered honestly.  
  
“Are you two, like, dating?”

“Not, like, officially?” Allie risked, earning a smile from Debbie, which was soon replaced by a serious look.

“But you read her to sleep at night. And you’ve kissed her before now.” Debbie remained as cool and determined as a homicide investigator. Believe me, I know.  
  
“Debbie, that’s enough.”

I tried to intervene but Allie held her palm up in that bossy way that she thought meant she was actually in charge. _Cute_ , I smirked.

“It’s okay, Bea. Yes to both of those.”

Debbie smirked at her as well.  
  
“Knew it. The reading is actually really sweet. And if that was the first time you kissed her, she’d have jumped. You looked pretty comfortable, Mum.”

Oh, my daughter was too cheeky for her own good sometimes.

“I didn’t jump when she kissed me the first time, either,” I gave Debbie a little sass.  
  
“You did faint though, babe,” Allie pointed out.

Debbie hissed in surprise and I gave Allie a dirty look.

“You fainted? She fainted. And you didn’t call me? Allie, that is _not_ a good start.”

“I didn’t know you then, Debbie! I’ll get your mobile number from your Mum in case I need it in the future. Okay?”

Debbie remained unmoved, glaring at both of us.

“One time! I fainted one time. Allie took care of me until I was okay to come home. Debbie. I just didn’t want to worry you! Believe me, I got a big lecture from Allie about it already. It’s not her fault I didn’t tell you.”

“You just looked at me like it was a minute ago,” Allie said. Was she hurt or teasing? Unsure, I ran my hand down her arm from her shoulder to her wrist, until we’d pressed our palms together again and linked our fingers.  
  
“Sorry,” I said softly.

“Aw. That’s okay, babe,” she wrinkled her nose at me adorably and I knew she wasn’t upset.

“Babe?” Debbie questioned, lifting an eyebrow.  
  
Allie folded her arms, taking one of mine with her.

“That’s non-negotiable,” she said seriously.

Debbie laughed again, a good sign. I smiled and she made it clear her laugh had been for Allie, not for me. _Well then._  
  
“We’ll talk about the fainting later, Mum. So what’s the hold up, Allie? Why are you kissing her and not dating her then?”

“I hope to change that really soon. We’re figuring things out and going slowly.”  
  
“For Mum.”

I nodded and Allie shook her head at the same time. Debbie found this amusing.

“Okay. You two can go back outside. I won’t spy on you anymore. Today.”

“Debbie.”

“Mum.”

“Why were you spying anyway?”  
  
“I don’t know! I was curious about Allie. You get all smiley when you talk about her but you never said how you knew her. I thought she was like a friend you made online or something and maybe that’s why you were weird about it! I would _not_ have guessed that you’re making out with her!”

“That’s fair. I’m a bit surprised myself,” I acknowledged.

“Not me!” Allie grinned so confidently that Debbie and I both laughed.

“Plus,” Debbie said, her voice excitable now. “You looked pretty mad before I sent her outside. I had to make sure you didn’t-“ she mimed stabbing herself in the neck and shrugged.

Allie’s mouth opened a little as her gaze moved from Debbie to me.

“Sorry,” I rolled my eyes. “She’s just showing off now. It’s best we ignore her.”  
  
Allie laughed as soon as she realised I was relaxed.  
  
“I’m familiar with that approach. You’ve met Franky.”

“I have. Does that mean I have this to look forward to from her someday?”

“The inquisition? Nah. I think they will just be happy to have found someone to take me off of their hands. Seriously, though, don’t worry. Franky’s _already_ happy for us.”

“Hey! I’m happy for you!” Debbie protested, hearing her own strident tone and giggling like the girl she was underneath this act before getting it under control.

“I am,” she insisted. “Happy. Just... protective,” she nudged her chin in my direction and Allie nodded with understanding.

“I get that. You have every reason to be, Debbie. I know you’ve both been through a lot. Your mum is very important to me. That’s why we are going to do this the right way, even if it takes a bit longer.”

“Good. Okay. That’s good.”

For once, even Debbie seemed speechless and she looked physically tired. I saw that I had worried her and felt a familiar tug of guilt.

“I’m okay, Debbie. I’m sorry that I upset you this morning. It was a misunderstanding.”

“No, Mum, it’s okay. I’d rather you let your feelings out than hold them in. Even if it means throwing dishes and making out with hot women in our courtyard.”

“Debbie thinks I’m hot! Wait, _women_?” Allie raised an eyebrow and stuck her bottom lip out and I tried not to laugh.

“Only you, Allie,” I assured her.  
  
“Good,” she said, her happy expression returning.  
  
“And I do not think you are hot, don’t be gross.”

“Hey, I was just using your words. Well, word. ‘Hot’? Remember?”

Debbie laughed and gave up, not a frequent occurrence.

I suddenly wanted to curl up with Allie on our couch, although I knew it wouldn’t be appropriate with Debbie here. I wondered if we would ever have that kind of normalcy and what it would feel like.

“You can stand down for a couple hours, kid. We’re just going to sit in the backyard. I might kiss her again.”

“Not if I kiss you first.”

“Very mature,” Allie said, shaking her head when I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Ew. Go away,” Debbie waved her hand to dismiss us, a wide smile on her face. “I’m going to take a nap. Three feet on the floor at all times, you two.”

Allie and I looked at one another for a moment, considering the options that gave us.

Debbie’s look of horror was too much; we both broke down laughing as she shook her head and went to her room. I heard her laugh after her door had closed.  
—

***Allie***

We went back out to Bea’s courtyard. She bypassed her box of dishes, thank goodness, and we sat down on a bench on the other side of the space. Bea had a sketchbook out on the table, a drawing of a bird in progress.  
  
“Will you sketch me one day?”

She smiled.

“What?”

“I wanted to sketch you when you were asleep, after...”

“After we made love?” I teased her, although it was an adjustment for me to say those words as well.

“Yes. But I didn’t want to seem creepy, drawing you without your permission. Especially since you were naked.”

“How about now? I have clothes on and everything.”

“I noticed,” she tsked her disapproval.

“So?” I prompted her.

She shrugged and picked up her book and a pencil, flipping to a clean page and beginning to draw the basic planes of my face, looking up at me repeatedly with a silent scrutiny that made me nervous.

“Draw me like one of your-“

“Dont say it,” she interrupted me.  
  
“French girls!”

“Ugh. I hate that movie and I hate Leonardo DiCaprio.”  
  
I laughed so hard she had to smile.

“And yet, you never considered you might not be entirely straight.”  
  
Bea rolled her eyes.  
  
“Kate Winslet isn’t bad, though. She’s kind of like a knock off version of you.”  
  
“You’re crazy,” she closed her book. “I’ll sketch you from memory or a photo. You’ll never stay still and you’re very distracting.”  
  
“Thank you,” I beamed.   
  
“Are you sure I was complimenting you?”  
  
“Yes. Do you even _have_ a photo of me?  
  
Bea held up her mobile for a moment.

“There.”  
  
“What?!” I protested. “You can’t use that! My mouth is probably open.  
  
“Then it will be true to life.”  
  
I pretended to be outrageously offended, making her grin and eventually break down laughing.

“Now you are laughing at me? I dunno, Bea. A girl could get a complex around here.”

She gave me an indulgent look.

“Your ego taking a hit? Poor baby.”

I stuck my lip out pitifully and nodded, earning more laughter from her. Honestly, it was my favorite sound and I felt newly charmed every time I heard it.

“Hmm. Maybe I can make you feel better?” Her voice was surprisingly seductive. 

I nodded enthusiastically and she smiled and shook her head before she leaned closer and slid a hand up the side of my neck, her thumb and forefinger rubbing my earlobe as she leaned in to kiss me gently on the lips.  
  
“Better?” She asked, pulling back.

“A little bit...” I shrugged, giving her more of my sad puppy dog faces.

“Shall I try again?”

I nodded excitedly some more and watched her eyes sparkle in amusement. This time when she leaned over to kiss me a little bit deeper, I took advantage of our weight difference and tipped her forward, catching her in my lap.

“Oops!” I said cheekily.

“Allie,” she sighed. “Stop playing and just kiss me!”

“Oh, bratty Bea, huh?”

She moved to get up and my arms flew around her waist to keep her in place.  
  
“Just kidding! I can do that! Kiss, please!”

She gave me a suspicious look but I tapped my lips innocently.

“Pretty please?”

“Okay,” she relented, “but only because you’re so damn cute.”

“Yay,” I said as she settled back down into my lap. “But don’t forget, keep one of your feet on the floor!”  
  
She laughed but I was only half-kidding.

It felt like a huge deal that Debbie knew about us. Whatever we were. That, more than anything, told me how invested Bea was, and it felt really, really good. Bea and I spent a couple of hours just talking and kissing in her courtyard, although if her little spy hadn’t been home, I likely would have tried talking her out of her clothes back there. The idea of having her alone in that private outdoor space gave me all kinds of ideas but I saved them for later.

Not wanting to be turned to ash by one of the girl’s dirty looks, I kept my behavior Debbie-approved for the duration of the afternoon.

I really did want to ask Bea out on a proper date, but I thought I still had a little work to do to get us there without freaking her out, without me worrying I was taking advantage of her, without a big conversation I wasn’t sure we were ready to have. I started out easy.

I’d gathered my things and, after a private farewell that involved as much kissing as I could get and maybe just a little indecent teasing to give her something to think about, Bea called Debbie out of her room to say goodbye to me.

“What are you two doing tomorrow?”

“I’m going to a movie at two,” Debbie said, “but I doubt it’s _my_ schedule you’re interested in,” she grinned.

“Au contraire. Can I pick you up at nine? I like to go to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday mornings and I would love your company. Both of you.”

Debbie looked to Bea and they checked in with one another. I could tell Debbie wanted to defer to her mum, happy to go along with the plan or offer Bea an out if she preferred.

“That sounds nice, Allie. We’ll be ready at nine. Thank you for inviting us.”

I beamed back at Bea. I really did spend my Saturday mornings at the farmers market but I usually went alone. Sometimes Liz or Bridget came along and occasionally the whole household went. The idea of going with Bea and Debbie felt entirely different though.  
—  
When we FaceTimed that evening, I noticed Bea seemed shy.

“What’s this?” I asked her, smiling gently.

“What?”  
  
“You’re giving me shy face. Are we okay?”  
  
“Very okay. I’m sorry about-“  
  
“No. Nobody needs to be sorry. I’m glad I know now and nothing has changed, Bea. Except we know each other a little better. I liked getting to meet Debbie today.”  
  
Her eyes began to tear up.

“Oh, baby, what is it? Does Debbie not like me? That’s okay, it’s brand new and-“  
  
“Are you kidding? She likes you better than she likes me, I think! That’s what’s making me a little emotional. Today. Having you here in my house, with my daughter, kissing you in my courtyard, it was just-“  
  
“Weird?” I asked anxiously.  
  
“Why do you keep interrupting me? No. It _wasn’t_ weird. It was really nice.”  
  
“Oh! Well... good. That’s great. I had a nice time just being with you. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.”  
  
“We are, too. It was nice of you to invite Debbie along.”  
  
“I meant what I said, Bea. Don’t think moving slowly means I don’t want more with you. It’s the opposite. I want to do this properly, even if we are a bit unconventional in what that means. She’s a huge part of your life. I’m just getting her on board early. She wants to make sure I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t blame her for that. So I’m happy to do whatever I need to do, for however long it takes, to show _both_ of you that I’m in this.”  
  
“I know you are, Allie. Me too.”

I smiled widely. And on that happy note, I thought it was a good time to tuck her in, virtually speaking.

“You look sleepy, Bea. I was thinking we could start a new book tonight. Have you read, ‘The Art of Racing in The Rain’?”

She shook her head.

“I just started it but it seemed good so I saved it for us.”

“You’re sweet,” she said.

“Ready for the beginning?”

Her eyes flashed with a warmth that I could feel even two screens and ten miles away.

“Very,” she whispered.

I smiled and began to read.  
—

*****Debbie*****

There was beautiful weather on Saturday morning. We had been at the Farmer’s Market for almost three hours and I was getting a little bit bored. Although, Mum and Allie were pretty entertaining. They might be admiring trinkets in a vendor’s stall or comparing zucchini bread and pumpkin bread or whatnot one moment, and then they would just stop talking and drift into this silent, intense staring. It was so weird. They would just stare at one another with these goofy smiles until I coughed and embarrassed them back into cognizance.  
  
“Have you two been huffing cleaning products or something?”

“I haven’t!” Allie said proudly.  
  
I laughed at her delivery.

“Muuuum?”  
  
Allie and I both laughed at the look she gave me.  
  
“Yes, Debbie. I’m getting high on the cleaning supply.”  
  
“Lame.” I tried not to smile.  
  
“I thought that was pretty good, Bea,” Allie said.

“Yeah. Well only one of us wants to make out with you later so consider the source, Mum.”

She looked to Allie who shrugged.

“That’s pretty good advice, actually. I mean, I really do think you could be a professional rapper if you wanted but I’ll admit my judgement may be slightly clouded.”  
  
“You two are going to drive me insane, aren’t you?”

Allie and I nodded in unison and that made Mum smile. That was a major point in Allie’s favor so far; Mum was smiling so much it would have been alarming if it wasn’t so lovely. Fuck knew she deserved it.  
  
“Ooh, let’s go over there. This is where I get that delicious pineapple juice we have at my place.”  
  
“I definitely want some. Deb, you will love this juice.”  
  
 _At her place, huh?_ I filed that away for later and just nodded.

I noticed Mum had taken Allie’s hand and I impulsively grabbed the blonde’s other hand and began swinging our joined arms, surprising her enough to make her stop in her tracks.  
  
Mum looked over and laughed once she realised what had happened.

“Debbie,” she chided.  
  
“What?” I asked, hoping I looked the picture of innocence. “I thought this is what we were doing! Is it not?”  
  
“Yes, we see, you’re very funny.”  
  
“I can let go if you want, Mum, but you’re going to feel pretty bad about it if I get lost.”  
  
“Well, since you are twenty and all, I think we can risk it. Leave Allie alone now, yeah?”  
  
Allie chimed in.  
  
“No, Bea. I agree with her,” she said in a serious tone. “I’d never forgive myself if we lost Debbie at the market. Come on, then. Hold on tight, Deb.”

She began walking again, pulling both of us along with her.  
  
“You’re no fun,” I laughed and released my hold on Allie’s hand.

After we drank way too many samples of pineapple juice and bought some to take home, Allie mercifully suggested we go to lunch. Mum had two glasses of champagne at lunch, which only made her extra silly, which only encouraged Allie.

They were adorable together but the whole thing was still a complete shock. I never thought she’d get here. I really didn’t. Not that anyone would have blamed her. I was surprised that she’d fallen for a woman but not as surprised as I was that she’d fallen for anyone at all. Allie must be special if Mum let her in. That said, I was on heartbreak patrol and if the blonde was messing her around, I would kill her. I’m not supposed to joke about killing people because it is “tasteless” and also “insensitive”, according to Mum, but then again, I’m not really joking.

The three of us got home about fifteen minutes before my friends were picking me up for the movies, so I had to rush to change and text them and freshen up my makeup. My phone alerted me to my ride and I left my room, finding Mum and Allie standing on opposite sides of the kitchen counter.  
  
“Okay, ladies, I am going out now. Be good, Allie.“

“Hey! What about her?” Allie pointed to Mum.

“Mum is always good. In fact, Mum, you do whatever the hell you want. Allie, you still have to be good.”

Mum had crossed over to Allie and she elbowed her victoriously, making me laugh.

“Ow! Ow! Not nice!” Allie’s face was dramatically wounded and sad.

Mum bent to whisper in her ear.

I could hear, against my will, something about kissing her better and then I manufactured static in my ears, a nifty trick that growing up with a parent who has rage issues will teach you. I raised my voice over the static.

“Can you two wait until I get out the door, at least? Shameless,” I clucked my tongue and grinned. “Mum, come lock up behind me.”  
—

***Bea***

Debbie had her arms folded, leaning her back against our front door, her eyes probing every inch of my face, analyzing. I’d tried to fool her before and I was glad I didn’t have to today. I wouldn’t have passed her close inspection.

“You’re okay,” she nodded.

“I am,” I confirmed.  
  
“You want me to leave you alone with Allie, right? You feel safe and good?”

“Yes, we’re fine here. I feel safe and great, Debs.”

She surprised me with the sudden force of her hug, her curls flying as she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tightly before letting me go just as abruptly.

“Okay. Lock the door behind me. Bolt and chain, too. Just call me if you need me.”

“I’ll be fine, sweets,” I smiled. “I love you.”

“To the moon and back, Mum. I’ll text you when I’m coming home.”

Her grin was infectious but her eyes were wet and I realized how much she must worry about me being alone. I frowned at that once she was out of sight, sighing as I did up the locks.

“Bea?”

There she was, always bringing in clear skies when thunder boomed in my mind.  
  
“Hey.”

I felt her hands on my hips and I smiled and let myself return to her.  
  
“You okay?” Allie asked, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close to her. As they so often did, my worries disappeared in her embrace.  
  
“Better than. Today was great, Allie. Debbie was so relaxed and easy with you. It was really nice to see her that way. I had fun, too.”  
  
Allie held my eyes, as if she was reading along with my thoughts and was waiting for me to turn the page.  
  
“But?”

I smiled and looked up for a moment in contemplation before leaning in to suck on her bottom lip for a beat and then press a quick kiss to her mouth.

“ _But_ it drove me crazy being so close to you and not being able to kiss you and touch you the way I wanted to.”

I grinned at her reaction, she was practically purring.

“Well, you have me all to yourself now,” she said teasingly.  
  
“Finally,” I breathed into her ear, feeling her shiver in response.

Encouraged but still a little nervous, I began kissing her neck, gratified to hear her groan my name.  
  
“Bea...”

She gasped and tightened her grip on me as I moved my lips along her jaw before finally arriving to claim her mouth. Our kissing quickly grew heated and I was startled to feel what I could now recognize as my body already working up to an orgasm. It was unbelievable, really, the effect she had on me. I was wet and throbbing and eagerly craving her fingers. Her hands slid down my back until she was cupping my bum, squeezing it appreciatively before pressing my hips closer to hers.

“Ohhh, Allie. Allie, wait.”

Her lust-glazed eyes cleared instantly.

“You okay, babe?”  
  
I nodded rapidly and smiled.

“Yeah, good. Sorry... I’m just getting too excited too fast,” I blushed.

Relief crossed her face and her touch turned more tender as her hands slid up to rub my back.

“Not the worst problem to have but I’m really glad you said so, Bea. Let’s take our time, yeah?”

“Yes. But Allie?”

“Mmm?“  
  
“At some point, I do want to make love with you in my bed though, please.”  
—

***Allie***

God, how those pleases have driven me crazy from day one. It was so much better now that I could kiss them from her mouth anytime _I_ pleased.  
  
“I would love that, Bea.”  
  
She looked hesitant and I cocked my head at her questioningly.  
  
“This is silly.”  
  
“What is, Bea?”  
  
“I have a... fantasy? A request? But like I said, it’s dumb.”  
  
 _A fantasy. Hmm. Intriguing._ I tried not to grin.

“Tell me. Anything you want.”

“Before we go to my room, would you just sit on the couch with me and kiss me? Just for a few minutes?”  
  
“That’s it? That’s what you want?”

 _Even her fantasies were adorable._ My heart fluttered again and I wondered if I should see a doctor or if this was just what it felt like. Maybe I would ask Franky.

She blushed and looked down.

“I told you. Stupid.”

“Bea. Look at me. That’s not stupid at all. I don’t like that negative self talk, though. You know I always want you to tell me what you would like. That’s not just for therapy, that’s always. Anyone would feel lucky to find themselves on a couch with you, gorgeous. Come on, already, I want a cuddle!”

She checked my eyes to see if I was making fun of her. Reassured, Bea squeezed my hand and we made our way over to their blue couch. It looked quite comfortable and I imagined Bea and Debbie spending evenings or weekends here together. The thought made me feel warm for them but lonely for myself and I shook it off as we settled next to one another. Her hand on my leg brought me back to the present. She was still feeling self-conscious, I could see it.  
  
“Hey,” I whispered. “C’mere.”

She swallowed hard and smiled at me from under her lashes before wrapping her arms around my waist and putting her head down on my shoulder. I slipped an arm around her shoulders and used my other hand to tip her chin up, kissing her sweetly.

“Do you like this?“

“Yes. It’s nice just being with you,” she answered.

“Bea, you’re such a sweetheart. I like this, too. It feels good.”

“I know what would feel better,” Bea teased, drawing me in for a longer, more intimate kiss.

Our tongues played with one another’s as we made out on her couch, such a normal activity but one I realised Bea probably hadn’t experienced much of. It was sad every time I was reminded that she hadn’t been loved properly, had never had a chance to explore her own desires. I would be lying, though, if I said I didn’t find it a bit thrilling that I was the one who got to give her these experiences. I wanted to make each one special and amazing for her.  
—

***Bea***

We kissed until our lips were swollen and we were out of breath. We were both down to our bras and jeans when Allie leaned me back on the throw pillows and climbed on top of me. She held her hair back with one hand and folded her body down into mine, our hips grinding together in a moment that was so delicious my eyes shut. She paused to wait for my attention, her face just above my chest.  
  
“Hmm. So many good choices. Where should I kiss you, Bea?”

“How about here?” I asked, tapping the spot between my breasts.  
  
“Mmm. Maybe.” She teased me while she put her hair into a sexy high ponytail that suddenly made it hard for me to swallow.  
  
“Please, Allie.”

“Since you asked so nicely...”

I watched her head drop, her tongue poking out before she paused to make sure I was still watching. She winked at me and I nearly laughed. I would play her games either way but she was so silly about it that it was endearing. I stopped thinking altogether when I felt the wet warmth of her tongue on my skin, licking and kissing the hollow between my breasts before moving to kiss the tops of them gently, her tongue sliding under my bra strap. I moved to take my bra off and realised I couldn’t manage it with her leaning on me in this position.

“Allie. I want to take my bra off.”

“And is that how you ask?”

I rolled my eyes. This little game had better have a payoff for me soon or I was going to revolt.

“I want to take my bra off, _please_.”

“No.”

I wriggled impatiently underneath her in protest, only succeeding at making her smile bigger.

“What? Allie. I said ‘please’!”

“I know you did but I want to take your bra off myself. Would that be okay with you, Bea?”

Her fingertips were running along my ribcage, up and down my sides. I could barely think with her distracting me. She slid one of her thighs between mine and I felt that teenage thrill of denim on denim and heated friction.

“Yes! Please.”

Allie nodded in satisfaction and amusement and removed the undergarment, slipping it over each of my arms. She slid out of her own as well, making my mouth water with desire at how beautiful she looked, the expanse of her creamy skin. My skin met the chill of the ambient air, my nipples hard and tightening. She watched them contract and licked her lips, making my head drop back in frustration.  
—

***Allie ***

“Allie...” Bea protested in a whine I had come to love. Turned on and impatient Bea could be so much fun.  
  
“Just enjoying the view for a moment. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you, baby.”

Her back arched as I finally took one of her nipples into my mouth, sucking it and rolling it around with my tongue. The other nipple received the same treatment and I couldn’t help but groan at the breathy moans she made. I intensified my attention, scraping my teeth over sensitive skin, licking around her areola before sucking her into my hot, hungry mouth again.

Bea’s hands slid slowly down my bare back until she cupped my bum, pulling me tighter against her. I shivered at her delicate touch, the softness of her hands, the tickle of her long, slender fingers. I moved the leg that I had slipped in between Bea’s until I was nudging her clit with my pubic bone. Hearing her little gasps, knowing she was incredibly turned on, it only made me more keen. I liked learning her more and better every time I saw her, craving knowledge of her body and heart and mind.

“Allie,” she breathed into my mouth before kissing me hard and thrusting her hips up against mine again.

“Fuck, Bea. I like your couch.”

She laughed at that. It was such a good feeling, making her laugh. Especially when I could feel her abdominal muscles contract against mine.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I whispered, my eyes clouding with emotion. I slowed us down, kissing her teasingly as I sat us up a bit, letting her move until she was straddling my lap contentedly, her breasts conveniently at my eye level.  
  
She tugged my ponytail gently, tipping my head back to look at me rather seriously before she squeezed me with her legs and pulled my hair free, eager as always to have her hands in it when she was turned on. I palmed her breasts, unable to resist touching them for another second.  
  
“Allie,” she rasped, leaving one hand to play with my hair and stroking my jaw with the other, waiting for my eye contact. “I don’t think you have any idea how amazing you are. You are so sexy but you’re also funny and brilliant. And so kind and patient. Sweet, when you are not deliberately antagonizing me. Beautiful. You’re pretty much perfect.”  
  
I exhaled shakily. I needed her to stop saying such nice things to me. I was afraid if she kept going I would start crying.  
  
“Bea. Please.”

It was an entirely different type of plea than the ones we had been exchanging and she immediately noticed the change.

My voice was quiet suddenly and my eyes filled with unshed tears. She kissed me very, very softly on the lips and waited for me, rubbing my back, letting me rest my face on her breasts, mostly for comfort.  
  
“It’s okay, Allie. I’m here for you. All of you.”

She echoed my words from the day before and I had to swallow the sob in my throat to keep it from coming out. Her willingness to be vulnerable with me, especially in light of what I now knew of her history, just shattered my every defence. How could I not be brave with this woman?

I kissed her and she wiped my tears away with her thumbs as she kissed me back.

“Thanks for making out with me on the couch, Allie.”

I laughed at that.

“Bea, you definitely don’t need to thank me. This is way better than any makeout session I’ve ever had. Plus, I‘ll actually get into your pants, unlike back in school.”

“Pretty confident about that, huh?” She teased.

“Well you did say you wanted us to make love in your bed. I mean, it doesn’t have to be today...”

“Yes. It definitely does,” she corrected me.

I kissed the smile from her mouth, noticing that she was checking on me every chance she got. She’d quickly absorbed some of my teaching habits, which was normal to an extent, but it was different with feelings involved, much deeper. It might be unnerving trying to equalize our relationship, both physically and emotionally, but it was eased by the empathy we both possessed.

So when she checked on me, providing me the same care and attention I gave out but had never accepted until Bea, it only reinforced her hold on my heart.  
—

***Bea***

This time, Allie was the one who nodded that she was ready and I was the one who took her hand and led her to my bedroom.

I watched her smile as she stepped into my space and looked around. I squeezed her hand.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
“You kidding? We are topless and in your bedroom. This is pretty much _my_ fantasy, Bea.”

I laughed but Allie didn’t. Her face was serious when she turned to me again, her fingers twitching in that way they did when she wanted to touch me but was holding back for some reason.

“Bea. I meant what I said to Debbie. You are important to me. I want us to take our time because I don’t want to fuck this up. But I do want to take you to bed. I know that is kind of backwards but the way we met was unusual. And, I don’t know about you, but I just, fuck, I want you so much. It’s up to you, though, always.”  
  
I nearly melted into a puddle. Tough as I was, it seemed this woman could reduce me to jelly anytime she chose to. I knew that her vulnerability was a choice, a gift. I also realised that we were at a bit of a turning point. I was fine with taking dating and whatever was next slowly and with care for one another. That didn’t mean I could give up the feeling of her hands on me in the meantime.  
  
“I want you to take me to bed, Allie,” I assured her, my voice low and husky. “I couldn’t wait even if I wanted to. Which I don’t.”

That seemed to free something within her and she was all over me then, kissing me, our breasts rubbing together, our hands gliding everywhere, both of us feverish for more touch. Then we were pushing down our jeans and kicking them off.  
  
We stood in just our wet panties-and god it was hot seeing her arousal darkening hers, Allie looked at me, a question in her eyes. I kissed her on the cheek and then the shoulder as I reached for her hips, slowly divesting her of her cute pink underwear. I dropped kisses just above and below her belly button as I waited for her to step out of them, making her curse ardently if nonsensically and scratch my scalp pleasurably. I stood and watched her sexy, naked body tremble and felt goosebumps rise on my skin. When she didn’t move, I hooked my thumbs into the front of my black panties until her hands snaked out and stilled them.  
  
“No. Mine.”

“Yours,” I nodded and agreed with Allie’s barely coherent sexy talk.  
  
I held my breath as she slid them off for me, leaving us both naked and breathing heavily already.  
  
“Bea. God, you’re sexy. Need you.”  
  
I climbed into my bed and opened my arms for her to join me.  
  
“What do you need, Allie?”  
  
She crawled over the covers and kissed me passionately.  
  
“I just want you, Bea. I don’t care about anything else. I just want to kiss you and touch you and make you come.”  
  
She was making it hard for me to breathe, whispering in my ear, my body pressed up against hers with no barriers between us.  
  
“I want to make you come, too, Allie. That was probably the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. Watching you lose control. Or...”  
  
“Go on, Bea,” she smiled and her fingers trailed up and down my back.  
  
“Watching you give me control. Letting me make you come.”  
  
“That’s my girl. It’s not like me to... I don’t usually give up control. To anyone.”  
  
“What do you mean?”

“Um, well, before you? I hadn’t orgasmed with another woman in nearly six years. So, you know, this is new for me, too. I’m not comparing by any means, just saying that we _are_ different. This _is_ something.”  
  
 _We_. My heart opened up to her even more, ignoring all of my usual caution, as I gently wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and placed one on her lower back, drawing her close to me and holding her there.  
  
“Allie. Thanks for telling me that. It makes me feel...” I breathed deeply for a moment, unable to finish. “You’re special to me, too, Allie.”

I kissed her softly, our lips already nearly bruised from our makeout session.

“Lie down with me?” I asked her, since she seemed unable to speak. I understood that feeling.

Sure enough, Allie just nodded. We were lying face to face, lightly kissing and touching and exploring. Our legs were intertwined and I could feel her wetness on my thigh. I wondered if she could feel my arousal as well and blushed.

“What, baby?” Allie whispered, brushing her fingers over my reddened cheeks.  
  
“Nothing,” I shook my head.

“You’re only making me more curious, you know,” she announced.

I smiled because I was happy to see playful Allie emerge again, lightening up some of the emotion in the room.  
—

***Allie***

“Tell me, Bea,” I whined and bit down on her nipple gently before sucking it back into my mouth. I dropped kisses across her neck, down to her clavicle, stopping just above her breasts.

She looked at me, her eyes hazy with desire.  
  
“Why did you stop?” She pouted.

“Tell me what has you blushing?” I asked more gently.

Bea rolled her eyes and I tried not to laugh.  
  
“Fine, Allie. I could feel how turned on you are... on my leg. And I was wondering if you could feel-“  
  
“How wet you are?” I said, probably with too much delight.

“Yes,” she sighed.

I wedged my bare thigh more firmly against the apex of her legs and kissed her mouth, teasing her tongue with mine.

“Yes, Bea. I can feel how hot and wet you are for me. It’s a huge turn on. Knowing you are so wet just makes me want to-“

“Please.”

“You didn’t even let me finish!”

“I know what you were going to say. Allie, just touch me. Please, baby, I need you.”

 _Baby_ again. I knew she liked it when I called her that and I understood why. Falling from her lips while she was touching my body, it was nothing less than a benediction. I liked using it and hearing it from her mouth as well.

My own hips rocked forward at her words, her use of them to ask clearly for what she needed, the fact that _I_ was what she needed. _Fuck, she’s sexy._ _She is totally new to this and she’s got me so close already._

“You have no idea what it does to me when you say things like that,” my voice was low, my hands greedily exploring her back, the curve of her buttocks, the soft strip of skin where her bum met her legs, those legs...

“I think I have some idea,” Bea said, her smile putting me on alert.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, fixing her gaze on mine as she brought a fingertip down to run it through my wet folds, making a beckoning motion just at the top of my entrance that had me wriggling and instantly desperate.  
  
I moaned loudly in her ear, perhaps I said her name or begged or cursed, I’m not sure. My hips were flexing of their own accord again and I felt a bit overwhelmed. I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t sure about asking her. I needed her to be comfortable, first and always.  
  
Just then, she slid two fingers into me, slowly, cautiously, her eyes on mine until they closed and my hips rose up to take her in deeper. When I was able to open my eyes again, she just smiled and began to move her hand, thrusting those piano fingers of hers deeper, wiggling them slightly.

“Fuck, Bea!”

“Does that feel good, Allie? I like it when you do this to me.”

“It feels... fucking... great. You’re so good at that, Bea. C’mere. I want to make you feel good, too.”  
—

***Bea***

It was so amazing just touching her, how hot and wet she was inside, how eager for my fingers, the pure want in her eyes telling me everything, no room for games now. And then she slipped two fingers inside of me and my eyes rolled back. Allie set an easy rhythm, holding my wrist and riding my fingers until I was able to concentrate again. Then she let go and I matched her thrusts easily, the two of us clinging to one another, desperately rubbing and touching and sharing as much skin as we could while we fucked one another with our fingers until we were both spasming and swearing and breathing one another’s names. We hovered on the edge together in a moment nearly frozen in time, until our heated breaths melted the ice and we plunged down together.

“Bea! Oh, fuck! Ohhh _fuuuck._ I need to come, Bea. Please _?_ Please, _please_.”

She was so far gone, it was breathtaking to see her like that, to know it was me she wanted like that. I tugged her blonde hair lightly and curled my fingers inside of her, feeling her reciprocate the movement, making me dizzy with pleasure. I wasn’t sure if I was going to come or pass out but I was definitely going to know very soon.

“Come for me, Allie. You feel so good. Oh. Oh. Ohhhhh, my god.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted, her muscles squeezing my fingers so tightly I worried for a moment that she would break them.

She flicked her thumb over my clit at the last second and I shuddered and gasped, my own orgasm extended further just by watching her expression transform from ecstasy back to simple happiness, both beautiful to witness on her lovely face.  
—

***Allie***

_Unbelievable. I want her so badly that she can make me come like that with nothing more than two fingers and her voice in my ear._ Not to mention no experience with women, not even herself, really. Amazing.

I hadn’t wanted anyone in so long and that was more than fine by me. I meant what I’d said to her. She was different. Special. And she looked at me like I was, too. _Oh shit, she’s looking at me._

“Hi,” I whispered.

“Hey,” she kissed my shoulder.

“Bea. That was incredible.”

“Yeah?”  
  
I just laughed, sounding younger and more carefree even to my own ears.

“Yeah.”

“For me, too, Allie. Jesus.”

“I know you haven’t been doing this long... real sex with enthusiastic consent, that is. But you are really fucking good at it.”

Bea folded her arms behind her head, reclined with her elbows pointed out, and grinned at me.

“Thank you.”

I coughed.  
  
“Do you need some water, baby?”

She was barely containing her laughter.

“You’re _supposed_ to say, ‘I have a good teacher’,” I huffed.

Bea looked thoughtful.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure it isn’t down to my innate ability.”

She lost it at that and I couldn’t help but join her, both of us laughing until we cried and had to sit up to avoid choking.

She looked flushed and beautiful when she finally stopped laughing. My mouth opened and I suddenly froze.

“Are you okay?” She asked, tracing my lips with her thumb.

I covered her hand with my own and kissed her fingers, smelling our sex and sighing out loud with desire.

“Couldn’t be better, babe. I just need your restroom.”

“Of course,” Bea pointed towards the en suite and I kissed her quickly again before I got up and crossed the room.

I shut the door behind me and broke out in a cold sweat. _Oh, yes, couldn’t be better. Except for the fact that I almost just told her I love her without even thinking about it. Oh, also? I love her._  
—

***Bea***

Allie had gone home before Debbie returned, at her insistence. She hadn’t wanted to push it and wanted Debbie to have room to unpack things with me if she needed to. It was level-headed and mature and I appreciated her thoughtfulness when it came to my daughter.

Meanwhile, Debbie had simply laughed at the perma-blush on my face through most of dinner, told me that she had enjoyed the morning with Allie, given me an extra-long hug, and then gone to chat to her friends in her room.  
—  
As I settled down for bed, I realised I needed to pay Debbie’s school fees for the upcoming term and opened my banking app.

 _What? Oh shit. No, no, no._  
  
I dialed Allie and waited for her to pick up.

“Hey, babe, I was just going to call... Is everything okay, Bea? You look upset.”  
  
“Yes. Sorry, Allie. This is just awkward.”  
  
“What is it, Bea?”  
  
“Um. I think my bank declined the charge from your practice. I’m going to call them first thing Monday morning. I’m so sorry.”  
  
She ducked her head and I sat back and waited curiously.  
  
“Oh. Um. No. Nope. Don’t call them.”  
  
I eyed her carefully on my screen, watching her twitch her mouth and open it occasionally, as if she’d had an idea of what to say but it didn’t pass her review.  
  
“Allie. What’s going on?”  
  
“I had Bridget refund your charges. Bea, look at us. We can’t pretend our sessions are just about therapy.”  
  
“Why not?” I put my face in my hands. “You _are_ helping me during our sessions. You should get paid for it.”  
  
“Bea. It wouldn’t be right. This is so much more than that. Therapists don’t have orgasms with their clients or read them to sleep or look at them and think they are seeing the most beautiful person in the universe. I’ve never met a client’s kids or called them on FaceTime once, let alone every night, or kissed them goodbye or missed them or dreamt about them. No, I can’t take money from you. We crossed that line a long time ago.”  
  
“When _exactly_ , do you think?”

Allie smiled, sensing safety in that direction. I wasn’t so sure about that but I really did want to hear her answer.

“I don’t _know_ , Bea,” she sighed. “Maybe the first time you kissed me-when you unbelted my red leather jacket? I think I knew then that this was...” She shivered before continuing. “All of our goodbyes. The first time you took my glasses off for me and rubbed my nose. Marco’s. My bed. All of the above?”

She was teasing me. Although, those were some really good moments...

“Marco’s didn’t count,” I said stiffly, suddenly feeling emotional for reasons I couldn’t name.  
I folded my arms stubbornly. Allie looked suddenly injured and I regretted saying it.

“Hey. _Hey_. It always counts with you and you know it, Bea.”

I admit, she was too good to resist and so I didn’t, sleepy and loose-limbed and still smelling like her from this afternoon

“It counted for me, too, Allie. So, you dream about me, huh?” I teased her.

“You’re gonna be a lot of work, huh?”

“Hey, I’m trying to pay you for it!”  
  
I meant it jokingly but she sighed.

“I know we need to talk about this more, Bea. I’m working on some things. Just give me a little more time, okay? Can you trust me for just a little bit longer?”

 _Oh, we are definitely going to talk about this more._ However, there was no reason it couldn’t wait, I supposed.

 _Or!_ A lightbulb went off. Maybe I didn’t have to talk to _Allie_ about it at all. Either way, I was unwilling to spoil the day.

“Hey, Allie? Can we have a drink together on Tuesday evening?”

“Sure! Where should we...”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh,” she bit her lip and grinned. “Naughty,” she said, her blue eyes electric.  
  
“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it is. But it’s not a date. _I’m_ in charge of the date.”  
  
“Deal,” I smiled, happy to see her back to herself. I yawned and she smiled.   
  
“Did someone tire you out today?”

“Maybe,” I said, my shyness returning for some reason. “Will you read to me, Allie?”

”My pleasure.”

Her smile was luminous and, short of being in bed with her, I couldn’t have felt any happier.

 _Perfect_ , I thought. _Today was perfect. Right now is perfect. God, she’s fucking perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A less “holy shit” chapter to balance the last one, haha. Just a peek at some softness and sweetness after the Red Widow revelation. Oh, and some sexy, too, I hope. Next chapter, back to the crazy sex house for some business and perhaps a surprise. Anyone want a surprise? 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Your comments on the last chapter made it worth writing. I hope you will let me know your thoughts on this one as well.
> 
> 💜 Best. Readers. Around. 💜


	8. Chapter 8

***Allie***

I stood outside Marco’s and checked my phone. I was ten minutes early to our drink and my heart was racing in my chest. _Really must get that checked out, Allie._

No message that she was canceling, that was good, at least. I hated that thoughts like that one still crept into my mind. Bea had been only good to me and we had gotten through the Red Widow situation really well. She was letting me into her life and yet, deep down, there was a voice saying this wouldn’t be any different than any other time I had cared about someone. _No, Allie. That is not rational._

I felt nervous and suddenly wished I smoked. I didn’t want a cigarette, per se, but I wanted the coping mechanism, something to occupy my body and my neurotransmitters for even a few moments. 

“Allie.”

My own addiction of choice appeared next to me then, as if I’d conjured her. She slipped her hand into mine easily, in such a comfortable way that it made me smile and my worries lifted instantly. One of those Bea gestures that just knocked me flat on my back and breathless. Figuratively speaking, of course.

“Hey. Bea! You look...”

She was wearing a form-fitting lavender dress with long sleeves and a short, full skirt, showing off plenty of her bare legs before finishing with darker purple pumps. She looked feminine and put together in a way that made me want to unwrap her like a present, all crinkly paper and curled ribbon. _Mine._ My hands twitched, keen to mess up her hair and kiss her lips swollen. 

“Lovely. You look lovely, Bea.” 

—

***Bea***

_Uh-huh_. She wasn’t fooling either of us but it was cute to watch her try. It was cute to watch her do anything. 

“Thank you.”

I kissed her cheek and leaned in close to whisper, “You look lovely, too, Allie.”

I smiled innocently and raised my voice back to a normal level.

“Shall we go in?”

“After you, cheeky,” she teased. 

She _did_ look hot. She had on black cigarette pants with a cream colored silk blouse and a sexy black tie that I very much wanted to take off. Black and cream checked Mary Janes and gold jewelry completed her outfit, plus a leather jacket draped over her shoulder that made me wish she was wearing only that. I filed that away under ‘ _Things I’d like to see some day_ ’. 

I felt bold and confident here, where I had felt utterly positive that Allie wanted me for herself for the first time. She had struggled terribly letting me go the last time we were here and I had pushed her hard for more.

It was strange how places had feelings. Like my house felt secure and light. Allie’s house felt curious and whimsical, and, to me, Marco’s was all flirtation and Allie’s perfume.

—

***Allie***

We got a cocktail while we waited for one of the more private booths in the back to open. I had a feeling we might need it. I felt, more than saw, Bea’s eyes close at the first sip of her drink and nearly shivered with vicarious pleasure. 

It was a relief to take our small, red leather booth. If I was honest, I needed to sit down. I gestured for Bea to go first and I scooted in after her, sliding an arm around her shoulders. I nearly regretted the move as she simply turned into it, dropping a kiss on my shoulder. 

_Fuck_. She’d been all over me since the moment we’d met outside tonight. Or maybe this was just how it was with us. We took turns but at least one of us was always just moments away from stripping the other one naked. Right now, it was definitely Bea’s turn, though, giving me those lingering looks and crossing one of her legs over one of mine underneath the table. 

“Bea, I’m warning you,” I said playfully, “You might want to stop pushing me.” 

I leaned one hand under the table and gently but firmly slid it behind her knee and deposited her leg back on her side. 

She just chuckled as if she found this cute. _Maddening woman_. Bea reached into my lap and took my hand, rubbing our joined knuckles up and down over the zipper of my pants.

“Or else?” She breathed into my ear. 

I swallowed hard at her challenge. 

“Or else,” I slid a hand up her dress, stopping at mid-thigh and stroking her skin softly. “since you’re having trouble being patient, I can take you into the bathroom and have you right here,” I said simply and smiled at her, a flash of teeth. 

“You wouldn’t,” she smiled back prettily, with something alarmingly close to delight. Bea did love to push my buttons. Her expression made me want to laugh but I didn’t want to encourage her. 

—

***Bea***

Umm... Allie’s eyes were glowing, an ebbing Pacific Ocean blue, disappearing as her pupils dilated the way they did when she... _oh fuck_. We really couldn’t. _Could we?_ Oh, but I liked the way she was touching me. The small circles her fingertip was making on my thigh had me close to whimpering. I wanted more and, our games aside, I knew she did, too. I was feeling warm and a bit dizzy. 

“This is the last time I’m going to tell you. You know what’s going to happen if you continue to play this game, Bea.”

I smiled down at our hands, amused at her attempt to control herself. Her language always became more formal then, perhaps from so much schooling. Or perhaps she thought it made her sound authoritative. I didn’t care why. It was sexy and a little bit funny, which also made it endearing. 

I rubbed my right hand over her ribcage through the fine silk of her blouse and leaned over to whisper in her left ear, tucking her hair behind it and breathing her scent in. 

“Allie... would it count as teasing if I told you that last night I touched myself thinking about the time we made out in this bathroom?”

“Fuck, Bea!” She hissed and grabbed my hand tightly, pulling me to my feet. 

_Oops. Guess so!_

She stopped at the bar briefly, handing the bartender a bunch of cash before turning towards the restrooms, never letting go of me for a second and never looking back at me. I found this much more attractive than I wanted to. _God, why does she have to be so fucking hot?_

_—_

***Allie***

After I’d paid to ensure we wouldn’t be interrupted, I pretty much dragged Bea to the ladies’ room, locking the door as I pressed her up against it. 

“Bea. Are you fucking crazy?”

Bea just laughed and I couldn’t help but grin and shake my head. 

“You are, aren’t you? And now you’re driving me crazy, too.”

“I am pretty sure I’m doing exactly what you want me to do, Allie. Or do you not want me to-“

I wrapped my arms around her waist and tugged her up against me. 

“Oh my god, just fucking kiss me, Bea!”

“Well, now look who’s the impat-oh!”

Then my tongue was in her mouth and her arms were draped around my neck. I could feel contentment radiating from her. I pressed her back against the wall and ground my hips against hers, delighting at the vibration of her moaning into my mouth. It shot straight through to my clit and it took me a moment to find my voice. 

“What do you want, Bea?”

Her eyes opened and her gaze was filled with need. I wanted to hear her say it before we went any further.

“I want you to fuck me right here just like you said you would, Allie.” 

Jesus. She sounded like a child who had been promised candy. Except I was the one who wanted to devour her and her sweetness. 

—

***Bea***

Allie’s face was flushed and she looked so gorgeous, my blonde bombshell. One of her hands tangled in my curls as she kissed me again, her other hand sliding up under my dress. She pushed my panties down and immediately slipped her index finger inside me and began moving it in and out of my wet heat.

“Ohhhh. Fuck, Allie!” 

I bit my lip to keep my voice down and watched her touch me. Watched her watch me, until my eyes shut involuntarily . 

“Yeah?” She whispered, her breath hot in my ear, bringing me back to her. “You’re _so_ wet, baby. Does that feel good, Bea?”

“Yesss,” I managed, wiggling against her for more of the exquisite relief she provided. 

“Good,” the blonde stopped her movement entirely. 

“Allie!” I gasped in protest. 

Her laugh was low in my ear and I felt a tremble of outrage, of _need_. 

“Don’t worry, Bea,” she started moving her finger inside me again, but much more slowly now. “I just want to hear about you touching yourself last night while I touch you right now. You were thinking about us in here?”

I blushed at her prompt. 

“Bea...”

She circled my clit and pressed against it. 

“Yes! I thought about us kissing last time when you met me here. How sexy it was. How good you felt.”

“Did you make yourself come, Bea?” I heard her breathing speed up. 

“No. I got so, so close, though, Allie. I get so turned on thinking about you,” I shuddered as she kissed my neck and moved her hand faster, her finger thrusting in time with her thumb swiping my clit. 

“Yeah? Fuck, that’s hot. Tell me more.”

“I was thinking about your body up against mine. Your lips on my skin. For pleasure, not work. Just because we wanted to. It felt so hot and fast and real. I didn’t even know just what it was that I wanted when we were in here last time. I knew I wanted you, though, Allie.”

—

***Allie***

There she goes again. I’m finger banging her up against a bathroom door at a bar and she manages to make it a black and white movie. She really is the total package. 

“And do you know what you want right now?”

“Yes, Allie.”

“What’s that?” I breathed, my forehead against hers as she smiled at me, panting as I kept up my rhythmic movements.

“For you to add another finger and fuck me a little harder, please, Allie.”

I laughed out loud at her unexpectedly forward request and immediately complied, throwing one of her legs over my hip, grateful for my flats and her heels, and giving her what she wanted. 

“Oh! I was only jok-Oh. Ohhh fuck! Allie, I think I’m going to-“

“Yesss. Come for me, baby. I know you need it, Bea. I know how much you love my fingers moving inside of y-”

“Oh my god! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” She groaned, riding my hand furiously, her head tipped back, looking wild and gorgeous. 

“Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie, Allie...” she whispered, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly as her hot, slick internal muscles contracted on my fingers, her hips still bucking against me. 

When she finally came back to herself it was as if she’d woken up from sleepwalking only to find herself in Marco’s bathroom with me holding her and pressing soft kisses to her hair. Bea shook her head at me with a blushing grin before resting it on my shoulder, her legs still wobbly. 

“Um. Wow.”

I held her tightly and kissed her cheeks once she looked back up at me. 

“You should have called me last night, Bea. I would have helped you get there.”

Bea didn’t speak but I could feel her happiness in her more relaxed kisses.

Then her hands were undoing my pants and just that contact had my hips thrusting towards her. 

_Yess. But no. But..._

“Oh. Bea, that’s okay, you don’t have to-“

“Allie,” she teased, “If I check, and I am going to check, are your panties going to be all wet right now?”

Her voice was raspy and hot and she raised an eyebrow at me playfully and untucked my blouse. “ _And I_ am _going to check_ ”. So cheeky. It was amazing how she could go from wanton and begging to this.

She placed small kisses under my jawline, sucking lightly at my skin every so often and smiling at my reaction. I forgot that she was waiting for an answer. 

“Well?”

“Yes, Bea, I’m soaking wet for you. You have no idea what it does to me when I make you come.”

She shivered at that and I couldn’t help but smile. The smile she gave back was that of a well-satisfied and mischievous woman. In other words, I was screwed. 

“Don’t you _want_ me to touch you, then, Allie?”

“Yesss.”

I was shaking in anticipation, to be more accurate, and I was sure she could feel it. 

“Yes what, Allie”

I took a deep breath and tried to get myself under control. Nope, not happening. Giving up, I bit her earlobe gently and whispered.

“Please, please, please touch me, Bea.”

“Okay, baby.”

She swiftly turned me around with that surprising strength of hers, so that her front was pressed into my back, facing me up against the wall as she simultaneously slid one hand up under my blouse and the other down into my panties, wiping the smile right off of my face. 

“Jesus, Bea!”

“Is that good, Allie?”

“Are you fucking kidding?”

She laughed and kissed her way along the underside of my jaw line, rubbing my clit just a beat too slowly, enough that it felt incredibly good but also ensuring that I stayed entirely desperate for more. Clever woman.

She removed the hand that was under my shirt to push my pants from my hips and then slid my panties down. 

My hips flexed at the touch of her hand on my naked center and I ground myself back against her. I cried out something unintelligible as she began rubbing my clit in fast little circles. She was getting way too good at this. 

Bea sucked lightly on my neck and rubbed a thumb over each of my nipples in turn before pinching them to a dusky pink and making my mouth open.

“You’re so beautiful, Allie,” her voice was hushed as she began to dip two of her fingers in and out of me, one hand under my bra to squeeze my breast in time with her thrusts.

I couldn’t form full sentences but she hushed me anyway, turning me around to face her again, her mouth immediately on mine. 

“I’ve got you, baby,” she held me up as she swallowed my urgent sounds. Bea circled my clit rapidly while she pumped her fingers harder, curling the tips and hitting my G-spot, making my jaw drop as a wave of heat engulfed my body. 

“That! Fuck! Do _that_ , Bea, please!” 

I was nearly crying I was so close to coming.

“This?” 

She repeated the movements more slowly and smiled when she saw my eyes roll back as she dragged her fingertips over my G-spot. 

“Or maybe more like this?” 

She increased her pressure and pace a bit, fucking me relentlessly. I struggled not to scream as my release tore through me, leaving me gasping and holding on to her like my life depended on it, her hand soaked to the wrist by my arousal. 

“Bea. You sex goddess,” I panted.

She laughed at the contented wink I gave her and handed my glasses back to me in exchange for a soft, chaste kiss. I didn’t remember her taking them but I found the idea oddly sweet; even fooling around in a public toilet, we already had ingrained cooperative behaviors. She always took my glasses for me and I always traded her a kiss for them back. I always got our water for after sex. We depended on one another, in these small ways but, for women who hadn’t experienced that before in any deep or true way, it was special. It made me hope for more. 

—

***Bea***

I’d thought I would never have a sexier, more intense moment than Allie making me come in Marco’s bathroom. Then I made _her_ come in Marco’s bathroom. 

Apparently hitting her G-spot also hit a mute button, as Allie seemed shocked into quiet. 

I fixed her clothes quickly but tenderly, zipping her pants and adjusting her blouse before I fixed her tie with a gleam in my eye. 

“You like the tie?” She smiled. 

I nodded.

“I know Debbie only has class until nine. But come home with me and you can see me in nothing but the tie...”

I looked at the time. 

7:05

It didn’t make much sense since Debbie would be home by 9:30 and I would have to travel to Allie’s and then to mine but there was something in the way she was asking.

I kissed her cheek. 

“You don’t have to bribe me if you just want my company, Allie.”

I looked at my shoes, thinking perhaps I was wrong, until her finger tipped my chin up in a request for eye contact. She stayed quiet but I could feel her thinking.

“We’re still doing that whole honesty thing, right?” She sighed. 

“Yes, please,” I confirmed. 

I braced for something bad but hoped against it. It was tricky getting used to this part of being vulnerable to someone. It just had to be worth it and she definitely was. 

“I would really, really like to just spend more time with you this evening, Bea.”

Oh, thank god. She was so sweet but I didn’t tell her so; I didn’t want her to feel even more self-conscious.

“Do you want to come home with me instead? I like to be there when Debbie gets in around 9:30. We can go to your place but we’ll have more time at my mine.”

“I just want to be with you. I don’t care where.”

She was soft and in what I recognized, from my own experience in our sessions, as recovery mode. I realised how much I wanted her like that in my bed, when she would be most likely to let me take care of her.

“Allie,” I kissed her softly. “Let’s go.”

“Are you okay?” I asked her in the backseat of the taxi. 

“Yeah. Bea. Are you? Was that too much? I hope you didn’t feel disrespected, because-“

“Allie!” I laughed. “Are you kidding? I felt a lot of things but _disrespected_ isn’t on the list. I felt... desired, and my body felt mind-blowingly amazing, I felt, yeah, a lot. All of it good, though. Are you okay, baby? Did I do something wrong?“

My stomach began to hurt at the idea but her hands were quickly smoothing the worry lines from my face. 

“No. No, not at all, Bea. You were _fantastic_. I think that was the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had in my entire life. You gave me a simultaneous G-spot and clitoral orgasm while holding me up against the wall of a bar bathroom. That is impressive as shit, Bea.”

“I don’t know what some of that means but I do like to impress you, baby.”

“Looks like things are working out, huh?”

Our driver turned and gave Allie a thumbs up and she laughed so hard I thought she might choke and handed her a bottle of water from my purse. 

“Hey! Um, yes, you could say that. Sorry about... that conversation.”

“Not necessary. She’s right, lady. That _is_ impressive. I’d get a billboard if I could do that.”

Allie was giggling.

“Do you _know_ this man?” I asked, lost.

She giggled harder until I pinched her. 

“Ow! Ow, sorry, it’s just funny. George picked me up the last time we met here and he saw us kissing goodbye.”

“My advice was that she should go for it, for the record.”

“You’re a wise man, George,” I smiled. 

I wondered if it was some kind of sign, us being picked up by the same driver tonight. Probably not, we were at the same bar, but still. I hoped George was a fast driver. I wanted every minute I could spend with Allie.

—

***Allie***

I was so glad I’d been brave enough to ask for more time with her. After such tremendous intensity for both of us, I couldn’t stand the thought of getting into separate cars, let alone going to our separate homes. I just really needed to lie down with her. Hold her and be held by her. I was surprised by how much relief I felt when she agreed and took me home with her. It would have felt hollow and empty and sad to leave her there and my heart leapt at the thought that she wanted the same thing.

We paid George and heavily tipped him, made it through the Smith gauntlet of locks and alarms, and put our bags down on the kitchen counter. Bea was watching me closely. 

“What?” I asked curiously.

“Come,” she held her hand out for mine and I accepted wordlessly. 

She led me to her bedroom and, in a gesture I found adorable, held onto my waist with both of her hands in order to balance and step out of her heels. She opened the top drawer of a bureau and pulled out some tee shirts and shorts for us, keeping mine on her dresser while she changed in front of me, giving me a wink when she saw I was watching.

I laughed and took in her small black shorts and a heathered green tee. She looked youthful and cute, casual in contrast to the classy, refined dress she had worn for our drink. I held out my hand out for the set of clothes she had picked for me. 

“Uh-uh-uh,” she teased, shaking her head. 

“No?”

I looked at her expectantly and she just smiled. She leaned down and slipped my shoes off and then held out her hands for mine, pulling me up to standing. Bea slowly undressed me and redressed me in nearly matching clothes to hers, a heathered blue tee and gray shorts, letting her fingers coast over my warm skin as she went. Finally, she removed my glasses and set them on the nightstand. 

“Better?”

“Very.”

“Very better?” She teased. 

I grinned. 

“Yes. Very better. 

“Okay, silly girl.”

Bea climbed into her bed and held up the duvet for me. 

“Get in, baby,” she yawned, “I want to hold you.”

“Debbie, though,” I worried. 

“In two hours,” Bea said. “I’ll set my alarm. Unless you don’t want a snuggle?” she shrugged, aiming for indifference but unable to keep the grin from her mouth. 

I laughed softly and played along. 

“No, I do, I do! Snuggle meeeee! Pleeease, Bea!” 

Bea laughed at my goofy begging as I slid under the covers and happily curled into her, feeling the redhead’s arm drape around my waist, her breath warm on my neck, one of her fingers drawing pleasurable nonsense at the base of my spine. The peace I felt was deep and rare and I felt warmed by gratitude. 

“How do you always know what I need?” I asked Bea sleepily. 

“I dunno. Same way you do it? Mmm. Ooh, I’m sore.”

“Poor baby,” I kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m sore, too, but I like being sore from you.”

Bea nodded and smiled. 

“Me too. It’s a reminder of you and how I got sore in the first place.”

“Exactly,” I agreed with a grin. 

—

*****Debbie*****

The lights were off. Weird. Maybe Mum had a migraine. _She would have texted me and let me know, though._ Everything else looked normal outside. I used my phone and called up the entry and exit logs for the alarm before going in. Mum had gotten home and disarmed then set the alarm again around 7:30, no activity since. _Good, safe_. The locks were done up properly. _Good, safe._ I called quietly for Mum and saw the soft lamp was on in her room. She must have fallen asleep early. I poked my head into her open door. 

I immediately popped back out into the hallway and flattened myself up against the wall with wide eyes. Well. Holy shit. There’s is definitely a woman in her bed. I mean, not just any woman. Obviously, it’s Allie. 

_This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill,_ and yet I have no training for this.

_Do I wake them up? No. Mum would be so so embarrassed._

I peeked back at them and spotted Mum’s purple dress and heels, the ones I’d had to talk her into buying a few months ago, hanging on the back of her wardrobe. Interesting. They’d gone out. And then here. They both had Mum’s cosy clothes on though. Okay. So. They wanted to be comfortable and snuggle? I wondered whose idea that was? Either way, I was amazed Mum was okay with it. It was beautiful, actually. 

I heard a small cough. Sapphire blue eyes had popped open and were looking at me with unmistakable fear. _Oh, that was funny._ I didn’t crack a smile and instead decided to torment the blonde for just a few more moments. 

I crooked my finger at her and watched her carefully ease herself out from under Mum, being especially gentle with her bad shoulder, although it was healed, as Mum always reminded me. I liked that Allie was gentle with it anyway. Mum was constantly forgetting to take her supplements to reduce the inflammation, though. I wondered if I could use Allie to correct that. She tucked one of Mum’s wild curls behind her ear with a private smile before she seemed to remember my presence and pulled her hand back. 

—

***Allie***

_What the fuuuuck? Bea set her alarm! How did this happen? Oh right, we are insatiable and I thiiiiink I may have turned the alarm off after we made love again? Fuck, I’m sore._

“Debbie. Listen. Please. I’m so sorry. We just got tired and I’d planned to leave before you got home but I guess the alarm didn’t go off...”

She hadn’t spoken but was leading me down the hall. She opened a door. 

“Linen closet. Extra towels and toothbrushes and everything you might need are in here. Help yourself to anything of Mum’s you want, don’t touch my stuff.” She grinned at the blonde. “Do you need anything else?”

“Debbie. I should go.”

“Do you want to go?”

I chose my words carefully. 

“I need for you to feel comfortable in your home, Debbie.”

She smiled. 

“That’s sweet, Allie. And hilarious. I’m not afraid of you. Do you know how many self-defence courses I’ve done? Stay, if you want to. I don’t know and I don’t want to know but I’m guessing she would be sad if she woke up without you. If you decide to leave, get one of us so that you don’t set the alarm off, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Debbie. Are you sure-”

“Yeah, yeah,” she smiled. 

“You’re being suspiciously cool about this,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Why?”

The girl grabbed my hand and marched me back down the hall to Bea’s room. We both looked in at her. She was sleeping on her tummy, her head tilted toward us, a smile on her face. 

Debbie pointed at that beautiful face and then pulled me back down the hall.

“For awhile, after she came home, she just didn’t sleep. I mean to the point she was hallucinating. They had to admit her to the hospital again twice. It was...”

I saw the girl compose herself, lock it down and try to put it away, the way Bea did. She was too young for that. 

“It was hard?” I encouraged. 

“Yeah,” she made a relieved sound, “For both of us. She agreed to take sleeping pills after that but it was miserable. Then there was the whole deadbolt debacle.”

Debbie saw the confusion on my face and enlightened me.

“She was afraid she could have a bad nightmare about him and hurt me. It took a few trips to her therapist together to convince her that she could trust herself. I think she felt guilty underneath everything, although she shouldn’t.”

“She wanted you... to deadbolt her in her room at night?”

I folded my arms tightly, felt even the skin of my face tighten up.

“I know, right?” Debbie rolled her eyes. “Things evened out. She got better. She worked hard. Still nightmares, still only getting a couple of hours at a time, but it was livable, I guess. Not dangerous, at least. She could drive again.”

I really didn’t like this. I felt almost physical pain thinking of Bea living that way and my fingers were twitching to go back to her, to feel for myself that she was alright now. 

“Then she started sleeping a bit better. And I found _you_ on her FaceTime,” Debbie smiled. 

“And now she not only sleeps, she smiles in her sleep. So long story short, that’s why I’m being cool about this. Any other questions?”

I knew I should probably quit while I was ahead but I couldn’t resist. 

“Does this mean I have to sleep with one foot on the floor?”

Debbie grinned.

“‘Night, Smartarse.”

I smiled into the dark hallway. Well, what would have been the dark hallway if every outlet didn’t have a nightlight in it. I turned and went to the kitchen, quietly pouring us two glasses of water. I was standing in a stork position, because life is short and my legs are long. 

—

***Bea***

I found her in my dark kitchen, only moonlight to complement her natural beauty. She looked cute in my clothes. 

“You’re here,” I said, surprised at the relief in my words. 

“It’s creepy how quiet you can be, really.”

We smiled at one another. 

“Our alarm,” I winced. 

“Sorry, babe. I think that was my fault. I kind of remember you blowing my mind and then trying to snooze it but I must have turned it off. Um, I talked to Debbie.”

“How did that go?” I said warily. 

“She showed me where the towels and toothbrushes are.”

I laughed. 

“No. Really, she did.”

“My Debbie? Hmm. Maybe I socialized her better than I thought.”

“Or maybe she just likes me. I’m pretty irresistible, you know.”

“No argument here,” I gave her one of the smiles that I hoped she could feel physically warm her. 

I guessed so, as she moved closer, kissing my lips and declining to hand me my water glass. She carried it into my bedroom and set it on my nightstand for me. I ducked my head into the doorway. 

“I’m just going to say goodnight to her.”

Allie winked adorably.

“I’ll be here.”

—

I knocked on Debbie’s door. 

“Hey, Mum! You’re awake!”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry about that, Deb. We set the alarm but-“

“Mum. It’s your house. You’re allowed to have your friend over. Plus, she’s a woman, it’s... different. I don’t think I would like coming home to find some guy here, just a head’s up. I don’t know which way you’re leaning,” Debbie grinned at my blush. 

“Only Allie’s way,” I whispered. 

“Why are you whispering?” Debbie whispered. 

“Because she has a _huge_ ego and I don’t want to boost it even higher.”

Debbie laughed loudly. 

“You two are ridiculous. I like her, Mum. Okay, good night now!”

“Rude.”

“Hey, I’ve got all night. I also happen to live here, though, and Allie doesn’t so,” she motioned me towards the door. 

“Okay, okay!”

I smiled at her from the doorway, my wise girl. 

“Aw. Mum.”

Debbie came over and hugged me and kissed my cheek. 

“That’s more like it.”

I noticed the door shut immediately behind me and laughed. 

—

***Allie***

I was flopping around in her bed like a turtle stuck on my shell when Bea got back to her bedroom. She stood over me with a hand on her hip and a quizzical look on her face.

“What are you doing? Are you injured in some way?”

“Oh, hi. Nope! I missed you. I was bored so I’m being a turtle.”

“I was gone for like five minutes. I don’t want to know about the turtle thing.”

“Time is an illusion, Bea,” I raised my eyebrows. 

“Okay, well, scoot over, Einstein.”

She gestured for me to make room for her. 

“You continue to impress me, Bea Smith.”

“The feeling is mutual, baby. You comfortable? Have everything you need?”

I grabbed her and tickled her before wrapping my arms around her. 

“Yes. Now, I do.”

She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it. 

We were quiet for a few moments. 

“Hey, Bea?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so excited to sleep next to you that I don’t think I can fall asleep.”

“I know what you mean. This is so nice. Okay, turn over, Allie.”

I rolled half on top of her, facing her, and kissed her cheek. 

“Other way, dork,” she smiled. 

I agreeably flip-flopped and she scooted close to me, running her fingertips up and down my back. I heard her listen to my breathing, making sure I wasn’t crying and was moved by her sensitivity. 

“Your turn,” I rolled back towards her. 

“For?” she asked. 

“Back rub.”

“I wasn’t done with yours.”

“Bea. You’ve given me absolutely everything I need tonight. I just want to rub your back and feel you fall asleep and hold you in my arms until the morning.”

—

***Bea***

I found myself quite emotional at that but just nodded and kissed her before I turned over and accepted her hands on me, fighting to stay awake until she gathered me in her arms and breathed in my shampoo. I fell asleep immediately after that, dreaming of the woman right beside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Not what I had planned for this update but I have chapters of Healing and the next chapter of this both still in editing and I’m not landing them the way I want to. I did need to put out something, though, just so I don’t fall out of habit, so this little bit of a continuation from last chapter. Next chapter, we really will go back to business (and a surprise!). Thanks so much for your patience and encouragement! 💜


	9. Chapter 9

***Bea***

I could feel myself waking up, slowly surfacing. Or maybe I was still dreaming? Even with my eyes closed, I knew I was in my own bed. However, I never slept naked. There was also the small matter of the hand on my ass. _Allie_. I smiled and stretched happily. 

It felt like Christmas morning, rolling over to see her in my bed. I nearly expected to taste peppermint. She was awake, her gaze on mine the instant I turned, her lips curving, eyes brightening.

“Hey, baby,” she whispered, soft and happy. 

I let my smile speak for itself and savoured the moment, interlacing my fingers with hers, feeling the light pressure we always exchanged between our palms. 

She seemed content to stare. Nobody had _ever_ looked at me like Allie did. Sometimes I thought nobody had ever looked at _anybody_ the way Allie looked at me. Perhaps I’m being silly but I have nothing to compare this to. All I know is how it feels. 

—

***Allie***

“Wow.”

Bea and I had always had this. This _thing_. This shared frequency between us. We were two women of science dabbling in telepathy and kismet and love spells and all manner of unfamiliar alchemy. This morning, though, the link between us was electrified and seemed nearly visible. 

“I like waking up with you,” she tilted her head and smiled, vulnerable and gorgeous. 

“Wow,” I repeated. 

She grinned and perked up. 

“Allie. Novak. Have I left you, of all people, speechless? Or is your dictionary just not open this early?”

I laughed at the pleasure in her warm rasp and put my chin in my hand for a moment before pulling her up tightly against me. 

“Well. If I had to pick just one word right now, I’d choose cwtch.”

“Pardon?”

“Cwtch. It’s Welsh for ‘hug’ or ‘cuddle’ but the broader meaning is ‘the safe place that a person who loves you provides’.”

A beat actively pulsed between us before she kissed me quickly, both of us dancing around that big word. 

“Okay, now you’re just showing off,” she laughed and tickled me which led to some giggling and kissing until a sharp knock came at the door. 

We both went silent and covered our mouths, which only made us laugh harder. 

“Be right there, Deb!”

“Shit,” Bea whispered. 

—

***Bea***

_Shit!_

I clambered over Allie and out of the bed, pulling on a tee and shorts and raking my hands through my hair before I opened the door a quarter of the way, leaving a naked Allie out of view. 

Debbie gave me a once over and her eyes began to twinkle. I silently begged her to leave it and, finally, she relented. 

“Good morning, Mum. I just wanted to see if you two are having breakfast.”

Judging by Debbie’s tone, we were. Debbie did like her routines, and she benefited from them, so I had no issue reassuring her we would be out in five minutes. 

“Okay. That went well.”

“Your shirt’s inside out,” Allie observed. “Also, it’s the one I was wearing last night.”

I looked down and sighed. 

“Fuck it. Okay, here you go. Come on, we are being summoned for breakfast.”

I whipped the shirt over my head and handed it to her while I hunted down the other one. 

—

***Allie***

I breathed in the smell of the two of us on the tee shirt before I pulled it on and caught the shorts Bea tossed me. 

We ate a quick breakfast of tea and yoghurt and fruit with Debbie as she chatted away and didn’t bother to conceal a huge grin every time Bea looked at her. 

Debbie left first, grabbing her backpack and laptop and water bottle. 

“You can take the car today if you want, Deb. I’m going to Uber with Allie and I’ll Uber home later.”

“Wow. Thanks, Mum!” 

She took the keys and kissed Bea’s cheek before heading for the door.

“You should have sex more often!”

Bea’s face turned scarlet, her mouth open. I gave her a wink and slid my hands into my pockets. 

“Not possible, Debbie. Trust me.”

“Allie... That’s revolting.”

“You asked for it.”

“Goodbye, you crazy ladies. Mum, come lock the door. Teach Allie to lock it, too.”

“I am pretty sure I can work locks. I have a doctorate,” I smiled. 

“Yeah,” Debbie said. “Lotta doctorates crying down at Home Depot. Learn the locks and security system. Please. If we have false alarms they are less likely to take a real one seriously.”

I quickly cleared my face of levity, assuring her I took her concerns seriously. 

“Okay, Debbie. I’ll learn it right now.”

Debbie nodded and left.

“She’s going to stand on the other side until she hears me start locking up,” Bea said, motioning me towards the door.

“She seeing someone about all that?”

I worked to keep my tone casual.

“Of course. You know how much we love therapy around here.”

“I know how much _you_ love it,” I teased. 

Bea taught me their security system and I memorized codes and locks that would never protect them from memories of a dead man.

We changed our clothes and called an Uber. I knew I was smiling like an idiot but I couldn’t help it; I loved this. Sleeping with her, waking up with her, taking her back home with me. 

We had originally planned for lunch and then a session but that was before our impromptu sleepover. Neither of us mentioned the change in plans, eager to stay in one another’s company. 

—

As I veered towards my office, Bea kept going straight.

“Bea? Where are you going?”

“Bridget’s office.”

“But why?”

“I have an appointment.”

“Do you?”

“I do.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? What’s-“

“Bea! Good morning. Right on time,” Bridget smiled at her and held her door open, interrupting my query.

“I think Allie had better come in as well, yeah?” Bridget asked her.

“Okay,” Bea sighed. 

I didn’t appreciate being ambushed and thought about declining but I was curious and knew I would regret it if I was childish now. I shut the door behind me and sat next to Bea on Bridget’s couch. Bridget sat across from us in her chair, looking relaxed and open, in her work zone. 

“Okay, you two. Let’s have this conversation. Bea, why are you trying to pay us when Allie doesn’t want you to?”

My irritation must have been obvious on my face and Bea began playing with her fingers nervously. 

“You are _still_ trying to pay that _bill_? _This_ is what your appointment is about?! We slept in your bed together last night. We took an Uber here together just now! Just for context, Bridget.”

“Noted,” Bridget said with a small smile. 

“It’s not right that I am costing all of you money. Money is not a big issue for me. And Allie, you have to make a living. If you don’t take money from me, then you’ll have to work with more clients and you can call me uptight but I value monogamy and I’d rather have-”

“And you assume I don’t? That’s really nice, Bea. Maybe it’s what we mean when we say we ‘value’ it. Do you think you can own me if you buy all of my time?”

“No! Allie. That’s not what I-“

“Do you think you can just _purchase_ loyalty and fidelity?” 

Bea looked really upset and my mood immediately shifted. I consciously unlocked my jaw and breathed deeply, relaxing my body and regaining my composure. After a moment, I reached to cup her face with my hand, stroking her jaw with my thumb. 

“You can’t _buy_ what I feel for you, Bea.”

My words were heated and I watched her melt under them. She leaned into my hand.

“Fuck, Allie. That isn’t fair. I wasn’t ready for that.”

Her voice shook and she leaned forward, her lips firm against mine, kissing me with just a hint of desperation that made me want to take her right there. When she pulled back and looked at me, I knew I had to come clean. _Fuck_ , this was uncomfortable.

I gave Bridget a helpless look and she nodded her encouragement. 

“Okay. Bea. Um. Just so you know, I haven’t been seeing any other clients.”

She pulled back. 

“Since when?”

“Ummm. Since our first session, it’s been just you and me.”

I heard her sharp intake of breath. 

—

***Bea***

I tried to keep my face blank. I’d suspected Allie hadn’t been sleeping with any clients since we had made love in her bedroom. I had just felt it. She was too honest and genuine in her expression of feeling towards me for me to believe otherwise. I hadn’t realised she’d done it so soon, though. 

“How did you know?” I asked her, mystified. 

“That we would end up...?”

I nodded. 

“I didn’t know, Bea. But, for once? I hoped.” 

She leaned in and kissed me and I wrapped my arms around her tightly, my head swimming with the implications of her revelation. 

“Ahem,” Bridget finally interjected, accurately guessing we had forgotten her presence. 

“I’m just going to make an observation here. Pardon my Franky, but fucking is free. As is friendship. As is dating. Anyone here maybe a little bit afraid of dropping the formality of your arrangement? Of giving up guaranteed appointments and inherent walls and space?”

Bridget waited and raised an eyebrow incredulously. 

“Nobody, huh?”

We both slowly raised our hands. 

Bridget waited for a beat and then, as if it was obvious, “Okay. Talk about that more? Allie, you first.”

I took a deep breath as she turned towards me, her knees alongside mine. 

“Okay. Ugh. This is hard.” 

She took my hand before she spoke again.

“I’m scared to change my life if you aren’t going to stick around for it. Bea, I don’t let people in. Not into my bed or my heart. I want to, with you. Us. All of it. But I would be lying if I said giving up the boundaries I’ve become comfortable with is easy. I _can_ do it. I’m _going_ to do it. We’re _already_ doing it. I’m just... a little bit scared you will change your mind and stomp all over my heart,” Allie admitted.

“That’s really good work, Allie.” 

The shine in Bridget’s eyes was enough to confirm she agreed with Allie’s self-assessment. 

“Bea?”

_Ugh. My turn._

“I suppose I feel the same way. I don’t like the idea of you changing your life around because of me when I don’t even know what I’m capable of giving you. I would _never_ hurt you on purpose, Allie, but I don’t want to hurt you by not being whole enough to be what you need.”

“ _Bea_. You’re not listening. You’ve _already_ changed everything. I’m not worried about your capabilities or what’s in here and in here,” she tapped my head and my heart. “I’m only asking you to control these,” she pointed to my feet. 

I was moved by her vulnerability and wanted nothing more than to reassure her. I needed a moment and took it before I spoke. 

“Allie. I’m not going anywhere. I know how much you love your words... There’s only been one word I’ve needed to get through the past three years.”

“Debbie,” she nodded, filling in the blank so quickly that I saw Bridget smile nearly as widely as I did.

“Yes. But things have changed for me, too. Now I have two words to get me through the day. Two words that make me want to see another sunrise. Even when the night is filled with sirens in my head. Especially then. _Debbie_. And now, _Allie_.”

I took both of her hands in mine. 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

The endearment tipped her over the edge. Bridget handed her a box of tissues and Allie nodded her thanks and cried quietly. I gave her my full attention. She seemed to need it when she cried. 

Allie so often used humour to deflect. She was guarded in such a subtle way, most people would never see it. When she actually showed her pain or hurt or vulnerability, it felt important to me to honour it. I opened my arms and I was immediately glad I did, as Allie wrapped hers tightly around me and put her head on my shoulder. I rubbed circles on her back and waited for her. 

She quieted after a few minutes, her breathing even again and her tears stopping. 

“Thanks,” she sighed in relief, tipping her forehead against mine and and kissing me softly.

—

***Allie***

I turned from Bea’s embrace to find Bridget’s mouth hanging open. 

“What?” I asked. 

“No, nothing! Sorry. I’ve just really never seen you...”

“I know,” I laughed and cleared my throat. “She turns me to mush. Don’t tell Franky.”

“My lips are sealed. You won’t be able to hide that for long, though. Okay, so where does that put us with money and your relationship?”

She nodded encouragingly at me and I gave her wide eyes back. 

“What is it?” Bea asked nervously. 

“Okay. Bea, I’m interviewing for a teaching position at the university next week. I got my doctorate there and Bridget and I both have contacts in their psych department. They need someone to teach in their human sexuality and gender studies programs as well as intro psych. I think it’s a good fit. I can consult here, I’ll still be financially involved in the business, but it’s a good time for me to make this change. And it gives us a chance to do this properly. If that’s what you want.”

“You would do that?” She asked, taken aback. 

I just laughed.

“Yes! What do you not understand, Bea? I’m...”

She nodded and blushed. 

“Me too. Okay. But I want to help then.”

“What do you mean?”

“With the business. I know this is more than work for you all. But you do need to keep the lights on here.”

“Bea, we aren’t taking your money.”

“Allie, let’s hear her out, yeah?”

Bea nodded appreciatively. 

“I was thinking, I’ve had a ton of book offers. I never took them because I didn’t need the money and I didn’t think I could do it properly. Bridget, you and I could write together, if you’d be interested. Your informed and professional opinion would be helpful both for the book and for me. Allie, you would be a great help as well. There are certain things I can’t say, legally, but it’s salacious enough that it would sell no matter what.”

“I don’t want you to trade on that for us. No.”

“I’m being practical,” Bea argued calmly. “You can’t just say ‘no’, Allie. You need to work on compromising.”

“I’m good at getting you in compromising positions.” 

I tried embarrassing her and it worked but she shook her head. 

“Allie. Be serious.”

“I’m very _seriously_ against that idea. It won’t be good for you, Bea. Reliving that. You’re taking big steps forward. We aren’t going to profit from sending you back. Or from having Debbie reading that kind of book. Bridget, back me up here.”

I folded my arms and shook my head. 

“Allie does have a point. But Allie, you also need to listen when Bea tells you what she feels able to do and not do and what support she needs. I have some other ideas as well.”

“Like?”

Bridget ignored me and engaged Bea.

“Bea. We need more doctors for people like you. I’d like you to help me design and run a post-critical treatment course for clinicians, so they can treat patients, particularly women who have experienced trauma, with more skill. Do better with them and for them. We could run a pilot program out of here afterwards offering a free year of post-trauma care to women who need it. I think you are uniquely qualified to direct this.”

Bea took that in for a long moment. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I could do that. I would need my other therapist to consult as well. She might remember more of the first year after than I do,” she admitted. 

—

***Bea***

I contemplated Bridget’s idea and then sat back.

“What if we went bigger?” 

“Bigger how?” Bridget asked. 

“Would you consider rebranding?”

“What as?” Allie asked curiously.

“The first exclusively female, and that includes all staff, post-traumatic care clinic for women. Outpatient sessions on everything. Touch, Allie. Maybe just talking about it but talking about how to engage that way again. It’s completely ignored by doctors, especially male ones. We could offer coping techniques to help the women with everything from panic disorders and reintegrating into work or family life to supporting them as they rebuild their emotional personhood. With the psych experience and academic connections you have, and with me as your ambassador, I think we could really make a difference in how these women recover.”

Bridget was leaning forward over her legal pad, practically drooling. 

“Well. I know your vote,” Allie smiled at her. 

I looked at her nervously.

“What do you think, Allie?”

“I think it’s genius, babe. We need to talk with everyone. Let’s brainstorm a bit and we’ll have a meeting and discuss it. Two weeks?”

We agreed and wrapped up the session. Allie took my hand on the way out and led me to her office. 

—

***Allie***

“Well. That was... unexpected.”

“Sorry.”

She was looking at the ground, her cheeks red, feeling chastised. _Fuck_.

“Bea, it was good! Productive. We needed to talk. I feel better about things. How about you?”

_Ah. There’s that smile._

“So much better.” 

She slid her arms under my jacket and pulled me close.

“I do still want to have a weekly appointment with you. Is that okay?”

I smiled at her curiously and she elaborated. 

“Like where we focus on sex therapy and making progress there. I know we can be together anywhere and other times but this is still different. Does that make sense?”

I laughed a little at her confused face. _Cute. Oh, what was I going to say? Right._

“We can do that. What do you like about it? That is different from outside of our sessions.”

“I’m not sure. I like the way you take care of me. Not sexually. Well, I like that, too. I like your clothes...”

“Do you like that it’s something we maybe shouldn’t be doing?”

That concerned me but I was shortly relieved by her response. 

“No, I don’t care about that. I like breaking the rules with you sometimes, sure, but that’s not the thrill for me.”

“Okay. That’s good. So you like my persona at work? Hey, why are you laughing? Bea, that’s mean.”

She only laughed harder, her arms tightening around my waist, and I couldn’t help but grin and shake my head. 

“Okay. Why don’t you just say ‘sex therapy’ when you want that kind of attention and headspace, Bea? I like the idea of making sure we regularly devote time to that and we can keep appointments if you like, but you can also have it whenever you want. My care and attention, that is.”

She blushed at that and I smiled and rubbed my thumbs over her cheekbones. 

“Beautiful.”

“Sex therapy.”

“Exactly.”

She shook her head but her eyes were imploring as she said my name. 

“Allie.”

“Oh! Now?” 

She laughed as the lightbulb went off and I couldn’t help but join her before I kissed the sound away and led her upstairs. It was a huge weight lifted, knowing for sure that she wanted this. Wanted me. 

—

***Bea***

I was still smiling from the day as I tidied our house that evening. I picked up the clothes Allie had slept in, deciding I would sleep in them myself tonight. There was a cream-coloured envelope sitting underneath them on my dresser and I picked it up curiously. That tricky woman. 

I opened it and found a notecard inside. I found myself staring at my teacup sketch printed on the cover. I shook my head in wonder and looked inside.  
  
  


Bea,

_I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed_

_And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane._

_(I think I made you up inside my head.)_

_-Mad Girl’s Love Song, Sylvia Plath  
  
_

Consider me moon-struck and quite insane.

Love,

Allie 

I picked up my phone and had her there a moment later. 

“Bea? Hello? Can you hear me? I can’t hear you, babe.”

I shook my head. 

“I’m here. Just quiet.”

“You okay, babe?”

I nodded and swallowed the tears that threatened as I held up the card to show her. 

“Ah, you found it! Good!”

Her face filled with pleasure. 

“What did you do?”

“What do you mean? I ordered stationary with our teacup on it. I put a pack of the notecards in your desk, by the way. Right hand side, top drawer.”

_Our_ teacup. 

“Allie...”

“Are you upset? You don’t like it?”

Her voice was quiet now and I shook my head rapidly. 

“No, I’m really happy. It’s so sweet. I just don’t know what to say.”

“I told you I loved it,” she smiled. _God, she was gorgeous._

“Yeah. You did,” I smiled back at her. 

“Hey, Bea?”

“Yes, Allie?”

“Um. So, over here we try to have dinner together every other Friday. Me and Franky and Bridget and Liz. Sometimes Erica.”

I raised an eyebrow and stayed silent. 

“Bea, I’d like you to come with me.”

“Okay! Clothes off then!” I joked.

“Naughty,” Allie chided me with a smile. “I mean to dinner. Friday. Liz will be at her daughter’s but the rest of our lot will be there.”

I hoped I’d kept the grimace off of my face. I wasn’t much for socializing. Harry hadn’t allowed me to have friends and then I was the Red Widow and now I was just too awkward. But...

“Is it important to you, Allie?”

She didn’t answer immediately, which was answer enough. I watched her with interest. 

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” she finally said quietly, “but yes, it is important to me. I’ve never brought anyone to family dinner. My life is small on purpose. These are my people.”

“I can understand that. I’m just not very good with people, Allie.”

She looked sad. 

“Okay,” she whispered. 

“What? No, Allie, I’ll be there! I’m just letting you know. I don’t want to embarrass you.”

Her smile was electric and I inhaled more deeply than usual.

“Not possible, Bea. All you have to do is show up and I’ll be happy.”

—

***Allie***

I hung up with Bea and put my phone down on the kitchen table. She’d liked the card. I smiled to myself. I’d worried about walking the line between sweet and crazy but she’d liked it. I felt high from my success. From her. I was so distracted, I didn’t even hear the footsteps on the back staircase.

“Hey. You okay, Al?”

Franky poked me in the forehead. 

“Yeah? Why?”

“Oh. You’re just starin’ into space like a fuckin’ mental patient, that’s all.” 

I sighed. 

“Can I ask you something without you being a total dick about it?”

The brunette narrowed her eyes and sucked on her bottom lip. 

“Nah. Probably not, mate. But you can ask me something!”

“You can ask me, too!” 

Bridget walked in after her wife and flashed me an annoyingly adorable smile.

I sighed and put my head in my hands for a moment, a gesture copied from Bea, as they sat down. Bridget patted my knee twice and then waited patiently while Franky’s body silently jangled with anticipation on my other side. 

“Right, okay. Come on, then. Out with it,” Franky finally said, bouncing her leg nervously. 

“Okay. Um. This might sound stupid but... I’m not sure if I need to see my doctor or if my heart is sore because of Bea.”

“Sore? Like, whaddya mean? Like she hurt your feelings?” Franky frowned at that.

“No. No, no. How do I explain? It feels... like it’s been getting a workout. Like it went from just sitting on a shelf in my chest for years to beating her name all day long. And now it’s sore. Not when she’s with me, though. Then it beats too fast or too slow and I get this weird tickling feeling. Am I dying?”

Franky clapped her hands together and grinned at me. 

“Holy _fuck_! You’re like _proper_ in love with her, aren’t you? Oh my god. Allie Novak. You absolute idiot.”

I shook my head slightly at her glee but couldn’t bring myself to deny it. 

“You are. Admit it,” she goaded. 

“Franky, fuck off! I’m just asking if that’s what it feels like. When you’re... ? Does your chest literally ache or should I see a cardiologist?”

“Allie,” Bridget smiled indulgently. “You’re a healthy young woman. Yes. Your sore chest is coming from emotion. There have been studies that show the stimulation of adrenaline and norepinephrine flood you, it gives you that physical sensation. That’s what you’re feeling. You’re okay, Allie.”

I just nodded. I vaguely remembered reading about the study Bridget mentioned but I hadn’t thought to apply it to myself. 

“She’s coming to dinner on Friday.”

The pair of them locked eyes and I tried to read them, relieved when slow smiles spread across their faces. 

“Oh, babe,” Franky said, “I’m so happy for ya. Really.” 

She wrapped both of her arms around my head in a weird and annoying but fierce embrace.

I finally managed to pry her off and we both wiped our eyes. 

“Okay. One more thing, though.”

I looked at Bridget and held her gaze, blue eyes on blue. 

“What is it, Allie?”

“I worry that I feel almost addicted to her. She makes me feel better than ice, better than anything ever has. I miss her all the time I’m not with her. I’m pretty much willing to do anything for her. We spent last night together at her place and tonight I can’t sleep, it’s like I’m _craving_ her. That can’t be normal.” 

Tears started flowing down my cheeks and I knew I was being irrational but I couldn’t seem to stop. 

“Allie,” Bridget said gently, while Franky blotted my face with her sleeve from her perch on the arm of my chair. 

“You don’t have a problem with love addiction. You haven’t been in a relationship in years. Before that, you were badly hurt and it took you some time to recover. You feel very strongly for Bea. You’re getting dopamine rushes when you’re with her. This _is_ normal, all of it. Do you remember when Franky met me?”

I did. She was right. Franky had been a dancing, grinning, insufferable fool for Bridget when she’d fallen for her. Even more so than usual. At that I broke down, reaching some sort of emotional limit. My heart was fine. My addiction issues weren’t the problem. I was just me and I was in love and absolutely terrified. If I fucked this up I’d have only myself to blame and if I hurt Bea, I wouldn’t be able to live with it. 

Franky messed up my hair and laughed as she and Bridget again exchanged those loving private smiles that gave me a pang in my chest and I wished for Bea all over again. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Al. You’re just gonna have to feel it. You can’t analyse your way out of this. You think this one would be sitting there if that was possible?” Franky laughed loudly and inclined her head towards her wife. 

“I have a good feeling about this. Plus she’s way hot. What do you think, Gidget?”

I wiped my eyes and looked at her intently. 

“I think...”

Her eyes told me she was thinking of our session that morning, though she wouldn’t discuss it in front of Franky. 

“I think that you and Bea have every chance to be happy and healthy and whole together. I really do. You know I wasn’t all for this in the beginning because of the client conflict. We’ve handled that. I see the way you look at one another, Allie. You’re so happy lately, it’s contagious. The whole house can feel it.”

I exhaled slowly as she grinned and continued.

“I think you should go for it. Actually, I don’t think you have much of a choice. I think you have to at least give it your best shot.”

I nodded. 

“George was right the entire time,” I said to myself. 

“Who the fuck is George?” Franky asked as I stood up and she slid off of the arm and into my chair. 

—

***Bea***

By the time I made it to Allie’s house on Friday, I was a nervous fucking wreck. She’d suggested I come a bit early so I could relax and get comfortable and I’d agreed. It could only help, plus I wanted time alone with her before our group dinner. Time to kiss her and touch her and hold her in my arms before we joined the rest. My body needed hers, wanted her hands, her mouth, her eyes on me. 

“Ready?” Allie asked me when it was finally time to head to the dining room.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said.

The glass of wine Allie had prescribed for me before dinner did little to quell my anxiety. 

“Bea, you’ll do just fine here tonight. Everyone is nice. You know Bridget pretty well by now, yeah? You can always chat to her.”

That was a bit more comforting and so it was a huge relief to see Bridget at the table already and to feel her steadying presence. Franky was setting down beautifully plated food. 

Bridget stood and kissed us each on the cheek, her smile knowing and happy. I felt strange socializing with a therapist. She knew so much about us, it made me feel a bit exposed. She quickly put me at ease, pouring me a drink and chatting. Her energy was calm and gentle and I allowed myself to stand in it and soak it up. 

This house. This comfortable, strange house of lovely, complicated people, where things moved so fluidly that sometimes I wondered if the very architecture might have changed upon my next visit. 

I crossed this soft social boundary here but it was good. I could do this. Plus, I needed to know if I could work with them if we were going to consider moving forward. 

We moved to the other side of the table and Allie and Franky hugged rather roughly. Franky welcomed me with a devilish grin. She gave me a half-hug and then stood next to me and casually placed her hand at the base of my spine, low enough that Allie immediately adjusted it for her, placing it closer to my shoulder blades and earning a wicked laugh from the brunette. 

“Sorry! Just getting to know your girl better, Al.”

Allie just rolled her eyes as Franky winked at me. This one was all cheek, I could tell. I sensed deep loyalty to Allie though, which softened my perception of her. Plus, Bridget married her. How crazy could she be?

The brunette slipped her mobile out of the pocket of her trousers. 

“Erica is on time for once,” she announced. 

Two minutes later a stylish blonde came into the dining room moving at high speed on even higher heels. She was chattering at a correspondingly rapid pace until she brought herself up short directly in front of me. 

“Hey. I know you.”

I felt the others exchange glances.

“Maybe you’ve run into her around here. The coffee shop down the street?” Bridget attempted tactfully.

“No...” 

I watched the lightbulb go off in her head with dismay. 

“Holy shit! You’re the Red Widow!”

“Erica. Jesus.” 

Franky gave her a look. 

“I’m sorry! I‘m just surprised. You could have told me,” she cut her eyes at Franky who rolled her green ones right back. 

“Yeah. I prefer just ‘Bea’ though,” I said in as nice a tone I could manage, feeling Allie’s fingers dance in approval at my lower back. 

The blonde had the decency to look embarrassed. 

“I do apologize, Bea. I’m Erica Davidson. I’m a lawyer. I followed your situation closely. It was an absolute travesty.”

“That’s enough, Trouble,” Franky said, a warning tone in her voice, but Erica brushed her off, leaving Bridget to watch Bea closely and decide if she would intervene. 

“I heard you negotiated your settlement like a pro with the PD, though. Their lawyers were really impressed. I don’t know the details, of course, but you know, people talk. I hear it was a record-setting number. A fuckton of people got fired.”

Erica was practically salivating. 

“Yes. I can’t talk about it. I signed an NDA,” I said with as much diplomacy as I could muster, which wasn’t much. 

“Of course. Nicely done, that’s all.”

I nodded, uncomfortable at being the center of attention and unsure about this woman and her sources. 

“Thanks.”

“You look _fantastic_ , by the way,” she said. 

For some reason, people always seemed surprised that I’d opted not to keep the blood-soaked look. 

Franky laughed. 

“That’s a big compliment coming from Erica, Bea. She’s extremely superficial.”

They all laughed, including Erica, which made me like her just a bit more. 

Dinner was loud and overwhelming but also warm and friendly and I was surprised to feel myself calm as they filled the space, laughing and talking over one another. 

—

***Allie***

Things were going really well. Even better than I had anticipated. Bea was quiet but seemed to be content. Everyone was enjoying the wine I’d chosen and the mood was relaxed. 

I went into the kitchen to see what the hold-up was with dessert and found Bridget and Franky laughing like schoolchildren, their heads bent together. 

“And what are you two giggling about in here?”

Franky grinned. 

“Erica. She’s so thirsty out there. Laying it on pretty thick with Bea. I’m surprised you’re letting her get away with that.”

I laughed. 

“It’s entertaining. Plus, it’s hardly annoying since Bea has absolutely no idea that Erica’s hitting on her,” I said with a mischievous grin. 

Bridget covered her mouth and then Franky‘s as they laughed even harder. 

Franky wiped her eyes. 

“Oh fuck, that’s funny! My abs hurt. I _love_ this dinner.”

“We should probably tell Erica,” Bridget said finally. 

“Don’t you dare, Gidge.”

I winked at Bridget as I carried the chocolate pie out of the kitchen. 

—

***Bea***

I had another bite of the delicious chocolate dessert Allie had served. _Mmm. Delicious._ Speaking of delicious, I felt Allie’s eyes on me and turned to look at her. 

“You have some chocolate right here,” Allie gestured to the side of her mouth. 

I picked my napkin up from my lap but she reached over and pushed it down.

“Allow me.”

She kissed the corner of my mouth softly and sucked at it before flicking her tongue up and down over the spot. I managed to hold in the moan that rose up from my stomach, but a sound of want escaped my throat. At that, Allie smiled and pulled away. For some reason, everyone looked at Erica. 

She stabbed her fork into her pie.

“I hate all of you.”

They all laughed and she smiled. I looked at Allie curiously and tried to read her eyes. 

“Oh,” I said, blushing, my comprehension setting Franky off again. 

“Mummy?”

I looked up towards the mahogany pocket doors that led from the kitchen into the dining room and saw the most incongruous thing. A fair-haired boy of about six stood in the doorway in blue Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas.

A girl near to Debbie’s age came flying in the door behind him.

“I am so sorry, you guys! I just went to wash my hands and he was down the back staircase.”

“It’s okay, we know how fast he is,” Franky smiled at her and scooped him up. 

“Indeed, we do. You can head home if you like. Thanks for staying extra, Kate.”

Bridget nudged the boy’s bare foot and he monkeyed his way from Franky’s arms into Kate’s. 

“Sorry I goed downstairs.”

“That’s okay, buddy. Just wait for me next time, yeah?”

“Kay. I will be a better waiter.”

She smiled at him.

“Good boy. I’ll see you after school on Monday, yeah?”

Kate set him down and waved to the table as she left. The boy looked around with appraising blue eyes that even I instantly recognised as Bridget’s. He saw Allie and began running until he had careened around the corner of the table and launched himself at her.

“Aunt Allie! I thought you goed out! I wanted you to do my bedtime story tonight, not Kate,” he pouted. 

“I was busy tonight, pal. I’ll read to you at breakfast tomorrow if you want. And you be nice to Kate. She works hard to take good care of you, ya little monster, yeah?”

Apparently Allie’s reading was in high demand. 

He accepted this, his hand stroking her hair with obvious affection. _It would be ridiculous to be jealous of a child, right? Yeah. Definitely._

“Who’s her?” He pointed at me, sensing my attention. 

“Leo, _she_ is my friend, Bea. Bea, this is Leo. He’s the king of the jungle around here.”

He regarded me solemnly for a moment. 

“Bea,” he repeated. 

I nodded.

He contemplated this and then looked from Allie to me. 

“A is for Allie. B is for Bea. C is for...”

He looked around the room, trying to continue the pattern. 

Just then, Erica returned from the bathroom and Franky’s shoulders started shaking helplessly with silent laughter, only laughing harder when a grinning Bridget hushed her. 

The boy clearly knew her well and jumped down to greet her with a kiss. 

“Auntie Erica! Didja bring me a present?”

“Excuse me?” Franky gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Sorry, Mama, I forgetted. Auntie Erica, you look _so pretty_!”

“Ah, now you’re learning, padawan.”

Erica laughed at both Franky and Leo and thanked him, reaching under the table for her purse. 

“Here you are,” she handed him a small book. 

“Trains! Thank you!”

He held up the book victoriously to show Allie and she made an incredibly excited face at him that had me biting my lip to keep from laughing. 

“Want to sit with me?” Erica patted her lap in invitation. 

He considered the offer. 

“No thank you. I want Bea.”

I swallowed hard. _Hadn’t expected that._

“Yeah,” Erica said with mild annoyance. “Get in line.”

His brow furrowed and he glanced behind my chair. She rolled her eyes and smiled. 

Allie glanced at me and I nodded and scooted my chair back from the table a bit, opening my arms.

He climbed up carefully this time and sat in my lap facing me. His intense scrutiny was mildly unnerving. 

“Do you talk?” he whispered, gently touching a soft little finger to my lips. 

Allie laughed at that. 

“Yes,” I smiled. “I’m just a little bit shy.”

“Oh. That’s okay,” he nodded at me encouragingly. A sweet boy. 

“I like your hair.” He twirled his fingers in it. 

“I like her this,” he held up a spiral to show Allie. 

“Curls, bub. They are pretty, aren’t they?”

“Yes! We like your curls, Bea.”

“Thank you, Leo. I like your pajamas.”

He looked down at them and back up at me. 

“Thomas pajamas! Wanna see my room upstairs? I have lots of trains,” he offered. 

“You sound just like your Auntie Allie,” I answered, feeling a flush of pleasure when everyone, including Allie, laughed. 

Leo grinned at me.

“She’s only tricking you, Bea. Auntie Allie, you don’t even have _any_ tracks in your room!”

Allie and Franky were both laughing so hard that they were crying. 

“Leo, once you go upstairs it’s into bed with you, love,” Bridget told him. 

“Not yet, Mummy, _please_. I want to stay with you and Mama.”

Bridget smiled and relented. 

“Okay, but soon, baby.”

“Gidge. You’re letting him get away with-“

She halted and I ignored the awkward moment, keeping my eyes on Leo.

“Soon means later,” he whispered conspiratorially to let me know he didn’t have to go yet. 

I nodded and he placed his small hand on my cheek. 

“Just shy, Bea?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, his sweetness and the smell of his baby shampoo making my voice a bit thick. 

His little hand patted me. 

”Okay.”

I felt Allie’s arm come up around my shoulder and she squeezed it with her hand, dropping a kiss onto my other shoulder and one on top of his head. 

He looked over at her intently.

“Why are you grilling me, pal?”

“Do you like Bea best?”

Allie sat back a bit and squeezed my hand. 

“Well, I think she’s pretty special, yeah?”

He nodded and mimicked a classic Allie head tilt. 

“I’m the best boy, though?”

“Of course, pal. You’re always my best boy.”

He nodded and settled against me and then glanced at my dessert plate with wide eyes and back at me. 

I laughed and scooped up a small bite of the chocolate pie onto my fork and fed it to him carefully. 

“Mmmm! Thank you such much, Bea!”

He used his manners conspicuously, if incorrectly, beamed at me, and then shot a wickedly triumphant look at his mothers. Allie had to cough to cover her laugh. 

“You’re pushing it, Leo,” Franky warned. 

“And you’ll need to brush your teeth again,” Bridget informed him. 

He just nodded in satisfaction and leaned his head back against my chest, holding his new train book and flipping through it while he played with my curls. 

He looked up at me. 

“I’m her best boy but you can be her best girl if you want.”

_Yep, that’s Bridget’s boy._ I smiled wryly at his casual intuition.

I couldn’t help but run my fingers through his fine hair as I looked at Allie, finding her eyes already on me, projecting so much emotion I had to breathe deeply to take it in. She nodded, letting me know she agreed with Leo.

“Deal,” I told him, my eyes not leaving hers. 

—

***Allie***

I saw Franky and Bridget exchange a look. Even they couldn’t resist the sight of Leo welcoming Bea in his own special way. Offering to share me with her was the icing on the cake, leaving all of us both amused and touched. Bridget had taken Franky’s hand at that and the brunette had kissed it and held onto it. _They are cheering for us_ , I realised. Nothing would have deterred me from pursuing Bea, but it was nice to have their approval, big and small. _Even if Leo thinks I am worth one bite of pie_ , I laughed to myself. 

Our voices quieted as it got later. Erica had another engagement and left us. I noticed she gave Bea a lingering hug goodbye and chuckled to myself. 

Leo eventually fell asleep in Bea’s lap and she offered to carry him up but Franky insisted that she hand him over. 

“He’s heavier than he looks and our apartment is two floors up.”

“I remember those days,” Bea said fondly, brushing back a piece of his hair as he settled in his Mama’s arms. 

“Oh, right. You’ve got a kid. Debbie. Real spitfire,” she laughed. “You’ll love her, Gidget, she does _not_ hold back.”

Bea’s brow furrowed. 

“How do you know about Debbie?”

I held up my hand. 

“Franky was with me when Debbie finally called me back when you were ignoring me in favor of your throwing dishes. Remember? AC⚡️DC tee?”

“Ah, yes. I hope Debbie wasn’t too... aggressive.”

“She was fine,” I said.

Franky laughed. She noticed Bridget taking an interest. 

“She put this one right in her place. I thought she was going to cry,” she pointed at me and I made a face. 

“Like you weren’t scared of her, Franky. You made me get out at their corner.”

“To be fair, last time I drove you to a girl’s house she did take my mirror off with a baseball bat.”

“That is fair. I did replace it. Also? It was like six years ago so stop trying to stir the pot, Doyle.”

“I’m just saying. Okay. I’m going to get this boy in bed. Gidge?”

“I’ll just help them-“

“No,” Bea said. “You’ve helped us plenty today. We’ve got it. Thanks for a lovely evening, really.”

Bridget smiled at Bea happily but Franky’s grin was for me. Happiness threatened to overwhelm my sore heart.

—

***Bea***

After we worked efficiently to clear up, I felt Allie come up behind me and lift my hair up to place a kiss on the back of my neck, making me shiver and turn around into her arms. 

“Want to go up to my room? I may not have any trains but I have better toys than that,” she winked.

“I really, really do...”

“But?” 

“Allie. Why didn’t you tell me about Leo?”

She averted her eyes and sighed. 

“Did you think I would judge them? For having a kid here?”

“I don’t know, Bea. We are unconventional, I get that. But Bridget and Franky and Leo have their own apartment on the third floor. His life is totally normal, other than having me and Liz around all the time.”

“Allie. I didn’t exactly raise Debbie in ideal circumstances. He seems like a very well-adjusted little boy. He’s clearly important to you. I just... I want you to tell me about all of the things that are important to you. Okay?”

She nodded at this and her hands started wandering up and down my sides, fluttery touches that made my heart race. 

“You,” she said after a moment. 

“What?”

“You. You’re important to me.”

She looked so earnest, so beautiful. I would sketch her like this. But those thoughts were for later. 

I pressed my body flush against hers and kissed her with slow heat, building up to the breathless and pink-cheeked Allie who bit my bottom lip lightly.

“Allie.”

My voice was even lower than usual and heavy with emotion. 

“You’re important to me, too,” I whispered, keeping my eyes locked on hers. 

Then her mouth was on mine, demanding and hungry. She slid a hand up my back and to my neck, holding me there. She kissed me furiously and then slowed herself down, panting as she pulled back to look at me.

“Fuck, Bea. You make me crazy. I want you all the time,” she admitted, biting my neck gently, as if to demonstrate her inability to control her desires. 

“God, me too, baby. I don’t know what you’ve done to me but don’t stop. Take me upstairs, please?”

I felt her nod into my hair and her hands ghosted up and down my sides again before she pulled me forward and we headed for the stairs. 

I followed her to her bedroom without hesitation, my body burning for hers, my mind running the word _important_ on a loop.

—

***Allie***

“Thank you,” I pulled back from a kiss and whispered in her ear. 

“For what?” she asked, innocent again as she tilted her head and removed an earring, placing it in the dish on the nightstand that I’d left there for her. 

“Dinner. I know it wasn’t the easiest thing for you. It meant a lot to me to have you there.”

“Of course, Allie.” 

She said it simply, the way she offered all of her gifts to me, without fanfare, beautiful in the absence of ornamentation.

_Speaking of..._

“Bea?”

“Yes, Allie?”

_God, every time she said my name, it sent electricity through my body._

“I want to take all of your clothes off and touch you everywhere.”

Bea hummed her approval to this plan and I pulled away teasingly at her lack of verbal response.

“Words, please.”

She raised an eyebrow and simply began unbuttoning her own shirt. 

I tsked and shook my head and her fingers stopped. 

“I said _I_ wanted to take your clothes off.”

I smiled and winked at her and she dropped her hands to her sides. 

“Oh, this mood,” she laughed. 

“I think you like it,” I teased her as I finished unbuttoning her blouse and pushed it from her shoulders.

I circled my index finger, indicating for her to turn around. She rolled her eyes but indulged me. I placed kisses along her shoulder blades and down her neck and spine before unhooking her bra and allowing it to join her blouse. I held her there and unzipped her skirt from the back, letting it, too, fall to the ground. My hands explored all of her available skin now that she was in just her underwear. I kissed her neck and nipped at her earlobe, one of my hands caressing her breasts while the other flattened across her abdomen and held her tightly against me, her skin warm through my clothes. 

“So? Do you like this Bea?”

“Yes! I like it. Are we ever going to take _your_ clothes off?”

I just shrugged, to mimic her previous nonverbal response, and she rolled her eyes again.

“Okay. Well, _I_ am going to lie in your bed in my underwear and wait for you. You join me when you are ready, Allie.”

My mouth went dry. 

“What?”

_Okay, obviously Bea doesn’t know how to play this game._

She gave me a contented look as she settled her head against one of my pillows and slid her hands down to the waistband of her panties, drumming her fingers there as if indifferent. 

_Or maybe Bea just plays to win. Damn._

I took my time taking my clothes off, deliberately not looking at her. Hanging them up, matching the delicate seams. My bra joined them on the hanger. I turned and smiled at her in just my panties and earned a smile back. She patted the bed and licked her lips. I grinned at her. 

—

***Bea***

God, she looked hot just standing there in her panties and a smile. Perhaps my favourite look on her. That was a pretty wicked smile... Ah. She was still playing. Silly. Instead of joining me on the bed, she pulled a chair over and sat down in it. She crossed her legs and propped them up on the end of the bed with a smile, very clearly, if silently, offering _your move_.

I found it amusing that she was trying to exploit my impatience for her. I would only use it to undo her. I’m a very patient woman when I want to be. I just don’t usually want to be patient when Allie is around. But she did want to play so I would get it out of her system. 

“Okay, Allie. If you don’t touch me soon, I’ll just touch myself. You can watch, like on FaceTime. I’ll let you think about it. You can have five minutes to choose. Touch _or_ watch.”

—

***Allie***

I had to work to keep my jaw from dropping. She had hit a nerve and she knew it. She knew how frustrated I could get when we FaceTimed and I couldn’t touch her. Although it was a useful tool in getting her to talk about sex and clearly it had boosted her confidence enough that she was challenging me in bed. 

And now this five minutes business. _Holy fuck_. I would have laughed at the situation if she hadn’t maneuvered me into being wet and three feet from her and somehow out of control. Again. My brain was drawing a blank. I wanted her so badly that it was killing my game. 

“Allie. Will you _please_ come up here? I’m being nice and asking you one more time...”

_Was that charity? Oh, man. Franky would laugh her ass off at me right now._

_Worth it._

—

***Bea***

I saw the moment she gave in and it was a bit satisfying, if still silly. _I win! Okay, maybe I get it. A little. I would still rather she just... oh. There we go._

Having Allie on top of me, kissing my neck, made me feel aroused and safe. Both feelings were new to me but in combination, _wow_. I hadn’t thought I would like it, anyone being on top of me. As always, Allie proved to be different. Her weight felt good and comforting and I embraced it, doing my best to immobilize her there on top of me for a moment, my legs hooking around hers. 

“You’re impossible,” she groaned, flexing her hips against mine. 

“You’re just a sore loser,” I chided, holding her close and grinding myself against her.

“I’m not sore yet but let’s keep going,” she laughed, tossing that blonde hair. 

“Yes, please.”

I laughed at the little growl she made before she started kissing my neck. 

“What do you want, Bea?”

“Hmm?” I asked absently, shivering at the cold left when her mouth deserted a spot on my neck. 

“You win. I admit it. What do you want?”

I felt silly that I still didn’t feel like I knew how to answer that. Well, there was that one thing...

“What would you have wanted? Assuming you had won?”

“To make you come.”

“Allie.”

“It’s true! That’s the sexiest thing in my world right now, babe. Deal with it.”

I laughed. 

“Bea?” she encouraged. 

I sighed and felt embarrassed. 

“Someone once asked me to pretend to be a centaur.”

“What?!” I asked. 

“I’m just saying. Whatever it is, you aren’t going to shock me. But if you can’t be an adult and ask for it then you can’t have it.”

I groaned, hearing that playful tone creep back into her voice. 

“Well, okay then. If only to occupy your tongue so that you can’t talk for a few minutes...”

She looked at me with such keen delight that I laughed. 

“Would you?”

She nodded but rotated her hand as if to encourage me to complete my sentence, laughing at the huff I let out. 

“Fine. Will you use your mouth to please me, Allie?”

“I was hoping you would ask,” she said honestly, kissing my mouth before she moved to settle between my legs. 

—

***Allie***

It worked out nicely that we both wanted the same prize. I could tell it meant a lot for her to ask and I was even more determined to make it special for her. I briefly wondered if the intimacy of the evening, the success at dinner, had any correlation and then told my brain to shut up and get back to the matter at hand. 

I kissed her legs, starting at her ankles and slowly moving my way up. 

“I might not like it.”

I paused as I reached her knees and heard the nerves in her voice, reaching up to hold her hand, slowing us down for her.

“First time, baby?”

“Yes. Lots of firsts with you, Allie. Is that weird?”

I reveled in her trust, as always. 

“Not weird at all. Personally, I find it extremely hot being the first one to give you anything you want, baby. I do think you will like this, Bea. But you are in charge and I want you to stop anything you don’t like. Always. Okay? If you don’t like it, I’ll stop right away and do something that you know you like instead.”

“Okay, Allie. I’m probably just overthinking it.” 

Her smile begged indulgence and mine assured her there was no need. 

“You look beautiful,” I told her. 

She shook her head, her eyes damp and shining out from under her curls. 

“Yes. You do. Do you feel safe, Bea? Happy? Comfortable?”

“Yes times three,” she whispered. 

I nodded and resumed my path and didn’t pause again until I was placing kisses on her inner thighs, watching her muscles twitch in response. I waited for her to look at me before I carefully placed a hot, wet kiss to her clit through her underwear, sucking gently, listening to her gasp of pleasure before risking another look at her face. 

She was watching me. _Hot._

“Take those off of me, you crazy woman!” 

I laughed at her demand and complied. She did win. Still, lowering my mouth to her, it hardly felt like a loss. I winked at her and started by pressing the tip of my tongue against her and then lapping gently at her clit, enjoying how responsive she was. Between her natural shyness and this being her first time, I’d been prepared for her to shut down but she seemed to be opening to me even more. I felt her body relax and allowed myself to explore her a bit more, teasing her for the small amount of time I could, wanting to make this last for her, although I knew it was unlikely from my fiery queen. I paused and whispered her name over her clit. 

She shivered at the warmth and thrust her hips back up towards my mouth. My own hips were moving as well, eager for the relief of pressing against her or against anything, but I could easily ignore my need to marvel at hers. For now. 

“Allie, please!”

I kissed her all over and slipped my tongue inside her before flicking it against her clit again.

“Does it feel good?” I pulled back to smile at her. 

“I was about two minutes away from coming in your mouth so _yes_ ,” Bea snapped at me in sexual frustration and I laughed and went back to work. 

A moment later her hand was tangling in my hair and she was gently tugging me up to her face. 

“Too much?” I asked. 

“No. Sorry, Allie. I didn’t mean to sound... aggressive like that.”

“Bea. I liked it! You’re fine. I want you to ask for what you want and tell me how you’re feeling, okay? That’s always good. More?”

“Can I kiss you?”

I recalled her using those words at the beginning of our therapy. The context had certainly changed. Then it clicked and my mouth quirked up at the corners. 

“Ohh. You want to taste yourself, Bea?”

“Never mind,” she blushed. I found her curiosity sweet and her shyness irresistible. 

“No ‘ _never mind_ ’. It’s perfectly normal to want to try that, Bea. You taste so good. Let me show you?”

“Okay,” she nodded shyly. 

I kissed her deeply, my hand at the back of her neck, and let her go, watching her face as she considered it. 

“I want to do this to you, too,” she informed me with certainty. 

“Jesus Christ, Bea. You’re killing me tonight. You do know that, yeah? One thing at a time. I wasn’t finished here,” I swiped my tongue over her clit. 

“No, me neither,” she joked. 

Bea joking during sex was always good for progress. 

Nonetheless, my tongue swiftly took away her ability to speak, although the sounds she was making were enough to drive me close to the edge. When I felt her slide her hand into my hair and gently direct me to keep my attention on her clit, I obliged and slipped a finger inside her at the same time. 

“Ohhh, Allie.”

I really liked this part with her. 

I worked her up higher with my tongue, swirling it around her clit as I slipped a second finger inside her slick heat and felt her muscles stutter and trip before my name exploded from her lips and she lost all control, begging and swearing as I soothed her through the intensity of her orgasm. She sat up and reached for me nearly blindly and I scooted forward, putting my thighs over hers and tugging her body forward to lean on mine. I flattened my palms against her back and just rocked with her for a few minutes. She didn’t speak but her breathing did begin to even out and I slowed our movements and tipped her back a bit so I could kiss her. 

“Was that okay, Bea?” I held her until she pulled back with a laugh. 

“Allie. Are you kidding? That was a million times better than I could have even hoped it would be.”

She leaned back and propped herself up on her elbow and I stretched and settled alongside her. I loved it when Bea felt like talking. Sometimes she couldn’t and that was totally okay, but this was nice, too.

Her stare was intense. 

“What?” I asked curiously. 

She shook her head. 

“Please?” I asked.

“I _missed_ you,” she finally said. “I missed this. Being with you. I know it sounds crazy but I did. I always do.”

She blushed at the admission and looked down. I tipped her chin up and beamed at her. My sore heart was not alone.

Maybe that was the entire point. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! A packed chapter, I know. Lots going on in this house! I can’t wait to hear what you all think of it. What did you like, dislike, what would you like to see? Open to everything here, since you are the best readers around 😍.
> 
> 💜💜💜


	10. Chapter 10

***Allie***

I woke up with my head already hurting. It was a long week. I missed Bea. Unable to think beyond that, I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my phone.

“You’re up! Good morning, my baby.”

She was dressed and sketching but put it down to look at me more closely.

I instantly smiled. My head quieted.

“Are you okay, Allie?”

“I just miss you, Bea.”

I felt teary and, although I held it in, I could see her concerned face.

“I know, baby. I’m just going for a coffee with Erica this morning and then I’ll be straight over to yours, okay?”

“I feel bad. I have to study. I just need some you.”

“Allie. You don’t have to explain. And you look like you need a hug.”

“Well, I’ll need more than that, surely…”

Bea smiled at me and shook her head.

“I know exactly what you need.”

“Always. I can’t wait to see you,” I grinned like a fool, rewarded by a stunning smile and a nice shot of cleavage as she rolled onto her stomach on her bed.

“Okay. You have a nice time with Erica and then come to me, yeah?”

“My arms will be around you so soon,” Bea promised and blew me a kiss before we disconnected.

I rolled onto my back and sighed happily, my smile still ridiculously huge.  
—

***Bea***

I was shifting nervously. I’d accepted Erica’s coffee invitation mainly to rile Allie and I smiled now, thinking of the consequences of that. I still had a bite mark on my inner thigh. I blushed.

“You’re thinking about her.”

Erica smiled and sipped her coffee, watching me closely.

“Yes,” I admitted.

She laughed.

“It’s very cute.”

We had been discussing what we had in common, the crazy sex house, as I affectionately thought of it.

Erica’s glances were occasionally predatory enough that I considered going to the bathroom and texting Allie for help but I held my ground. As usual, I struggled with what to say.

“I’m curious. You’re an attractive woman-“

“Why, thank you. I was beginning to think you hadn’t noticed,” Erica flipped her hair and I shook my head with a laugh. I had to give her credit for trying. Again.

“So, you know my history. If I may ask, why is it you see Franky? Why this… arrangement? It’s obvious how close you are. With all of them.”

Erica sighed at that.

“Well. That is quite the complicated question. We have that fondness, you know. We’ve developed a deep friendship. But if you mean the reason for my sessions?”

I nodded and she considered her answer before shrugging in a way I read as honest.

“I’m just quite socially awkward, really.”

“Are you?”

“Are you being sarcastic?” She raised an eyebrow.

My mouth opened. 

“No!”

“Okay. See, I didn’t think so, but I was only like seventy percent sure.”

She smiled and I laughed. 

“Yeah. I have a bit of that. I know what you mean.”

“Then you know how exhausting it is.”

I just nodded. I did know what she meant. People still felt like a foreign language to me occasionally.

“So, sometimes I just can’t stand the thought of going on a date. I mean, it got a lot better once Franky told me I was gay. Well, once I finally accepted it. But still. With someone or even alone sometimes it’s just like I can’t shut my brain off to get there. She can do that for me. I can relax and just trust her and give her control and I know she’ll get me there and take care of me.”

I nodded. All of this made sense. Then I reached my stumbling block, what I’d really wanted to ask.

“But she hits you.”

“ _Sometimes_ she hits me. Yes. Not hurts me. There’s a huge difference, Bea. And I want her to. I understand with your background why you wouldn’t want that, but for me, a little bit of pain is pleasurable. It helps with my focus, keeping my brain and body in the moment.”

Erica leaned forward and took my hand in hers. I was fairly sure she was trying to comfort me. 

“She never scares me, Bea. I always know what is going to happen and I can always say no. Fuck, I don’t know about the why, you need Bridget or Allie for that. I just know that I like it and I can trust Franky.”

“I kind of get that. I don’t know what I would be into if I hadn’t met Harry, you know?”

She contemplated that for a long moment before she just smiled and continued. 

“Bea. Are there things you let Allie do that you wouldn’t trust someone else with?”

“Of course. Like... everything.”

“Well, it’s just like that for me and Franky, okay? Except it can be sensual at times but not romantic. You trust Allie to do... whatever it is you two do. I trust Franky, even if what I’m trusting her to do is hit me with a switch and then rub cream into my skin and talk to me until I come and it feels better. If that’s what I want her to do or what she thinks I will like. By now, she knows better than I do. You see? Relaxing, to not have to think about it. I make decisions all day long, sometimes it’s the last thing I want to do in bed.”

I squinted. I couldn’t picture the brunette being tender like Allie was but then I thought about seeing Franky with her wife and son and changed my mind. 

I nodded and Erica shrugged again. 

“Some days I just can’t do it. And knowing I can save up the energy of going on a boring date full of talking and more social labour only to have it result in nothing or finding out we have no chemistry? That instead I can just have Franky talk me through an orgasm or four and then give me a cuddle. And then I can go home to my perfect apartment and have a perfect cocktail and sleep alone on expensive sheets, as late as I’d like. And she can go upstairs with Bridget and Leo where everything is loud and sticky and she is happy there. I can visit her world and she can visit mine. Have you been up to their apartment?”

I shook my head.

Erica shivered.

“I’d recommend a plastic poncho. Anyway, we all have our needs. We don’t have to be in love with each other to love each other. I love all of them.”

I nodded to myself, understanding perhaps a bit more of these complex crazy sex house dynamics.

“So how are things going with you two?”

I searched her face. I wasn’t sure what level of information normal people shared, let alone Allie’s people. 

I smiled despite myself, felt my cheeks go pink.

“Yeah, really good. Really, really, _really_ good!” I laughed.

Erica just laughed along with me, sounding utterly tickled.

“Sounds like fun to me. I can tell you she’s absolutely smitten.”

“Yeah?” I asked bashfully.

“Uh, yeah! She doesn’t even look at anyone else anymore.”

I sipped my coffee, noting the lipstick mark and thinking of Allie yet again. She was missing me this morning.

“Erica. Are you trying to make me jealous?”

“Is it working?” The blonde asked hopefully, making me laugh. 

She checked her phone.

“Shit. I have to go. We should do this again soon, Bea. Cocktails, though, next time!”

We stood and she hugged me goodbye. As she did so, I felt her thumb slip under the cuff of my shirt and brush over my pulse point. 

“If you and Allie ever wanted... company... I know how to be _very_ gentle, Bea.”

She pulled me back in and kissed my cheek softly before strutting away from the table, leaving me to cover my laugh with my hand.

This world Allie had brought me into was so strange. Yet everyone was their strange, honest self. Nobody hurt anyone else on purpose. They talked about real things. They mattered to one another. Who was I to judge that? Plus, I was _really_ looking forward to telling Allie about this coffee!

—

“I don’t know. It was interesting. I think in another life, if it hadn’t been for Harry, I might like to try the things she likes.”

Allie looked up from her screen and pushed her glasses up before speaking carefully.

“I’ll never, ever hit you, Bea. That’s a hard limit for me. Not even a spanking except like when you walk by and I can’t help myself and smack you on the ass.”

“No, I know, Allie. And I like it when you do that. Anyway, we play games that touch on the fun parts of all of that without anything too intense for me.”

“Too intense for _us_ ,” she corrected, not looking up from her typing this time.

She was so sweet I almost regretted my actions ahead of time but didn’t stop. 

“That wasn’t the best part! Then she rubbed my wrist and offered to have a gentle threesome with us!”

“What?!” Allie sat up straight. 

I laughed.

Allie’s eyes turned icy and she folded her arms.

“I thought it was funny, Allie.”

“Well I don’t think it’s funny at all. She shouldn’t have offered you that. 

“I’m not a child, Allie. I can speak for myself.”

“I know, Bea, but she’s doing it that way to irritate me and I don’t appreciate it. We are friends. It’s disrespectful of her to speak to you that way.”

“I see. So I guess you _don’t_ want to do it then? Okay, I’ll call her back. Awkward.”

Allie froze. She put down her notebook and her pen and lowered her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose. I felt a bit guilty at that. 

“Bea. Is that something-“

“No! I’m so sorry, Allie! That was mean. I was just kidding. I only want you, baby.”

Allie placed her hand to her chest. 

“Jesus Christ, Bea. Get over here!”

I grinned and walked behind her desk, moving to stand in front of her desk chair as directed. 

She hugged me around the waist, pressing her head against my stomach while I ran my fingers through her hair and massaged her scalp with my nails. The moan this elicited from Allie immediately made my stomach flip over and I rubbed her shoulders. She was so tense this week.

“I like these jeans on you,” she said appreciatively. “Turn around.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled. She made a circle motion with her index finger. 

I turned so she could admire my ass in my jeans and immediately felt her hands on me. 

“Mine,” she said, giving me a possessive little squeeze. 

“Yeah?” I teased, giving her a little wiggle that did earn me a soft smack and a laugh.

Then Allie stood and molded herself against me so that she was also leaning over the desk, my body pressing back into hers pleasantly, her hands cupping mine on the surface of the desk. She leaned down to whisper in my ear and I felt both hot and cold chills up and down my spine.

“Teasing me about wanting a threesome with Erica, Bea? Really? Just because I don’t spank you doesn’t mean I can’t think of some consequences if you want to fool around that way.”

“No thank you,” I said.   
—

***Allie***

_“No thank you”_

_She is fucking adorable._

“That’s not really how it works, sorry, babe.”

I stepped back from her and walked over to close and lock my office door. Her face looked filled with anticipation but not apprehension when I turned to walk back to her. I smiled to myself. That was perfect. 

“Bea,” I sighed, “I hope you realize that Erica put you in this position. And you did, when you allowed her to manipulate you into that little gambit.”

Her mouth opened thoughtfully but I continued.

“Yes, so you can thank her at least partially for your consequences. Up here, please.”

I moved my laptop and patted the top of my desk.

“Here?” She looked at me questioningly, not really asking about the location.

“Yes.”

I simply put my hands on her hips and lifted her up, setting her down where I wanted her, noticing with a smile that her feet didn’t quite reach the floor as they dangled in the well of my desk.

I took both of her hands in mine, leaned her forwards slightly, and wrapped her fingers around the edge of the desk loosely. I squeezed briefly to make sure she would be able to grip on safely and looked her in the eye.

“These stay here. Yes?”

“Yes but Allie-“

I shook my head.

“Yes?”

She rolled her shoulders sulkily and exhaled a big breath that had me tempted to laugh.

“Yes, Allie.”

I settled for a smirk and sat down in my desk chair, sliding it closer to her but not within touching range for either of us. If I was going to maintain control, I wouldn’t tempt myself too much by having her skin within reach. 

“Or?” Bea asked inquisitively, flexing her fingers but not removing them from the desk.

I began unbuttoning my shirt and saw her lips part.

“Or I’ll have to stop. And then I will get frustrated. And this will take longer. You will get frustrated and I won’t be able to help you. So just be good and accept your consequence, yeah? You had your fun and now I’ll have mine.”

“Allie. You’re not really going to…”

I nodded.

“Yes. And you’re going to watch. No touching. But I want your eyes on me. Okay, Bea?”  
—

***Bea***

“Okay, Allie.”

My response was nearly hypnotic. I understood what she was doing and it was frustrating and hot already and she was only lingering on the third button of one of those expensive blouses of hers that I found so enticing. 

I swallowed hard when she slipped the blouse from her shoulders, displaying a pretty navy camisole with a lace trim over a thin matching bra.

Now this did feel like punishment as I wanted my hands between that silky camisole and her soft skin in a way I hadn’t known it was possible to want until recently.

She ran her hands up to cup her breasts, squeezing lightly, her arousal evident beneath the sheer cups of her bra. Her eyes stayed on mine while mine raced to take all of her in. Fuck.

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d like sharing my attention with someone else, Bea. What do you think? Would you like to wait your turn to kiss me?”

I must have made a sour face as she laughed, husky and knowing.

“That’s what I thought.”

I watched pleasure flick through her eyes as she caressed her breasts in front of me, pinching her nipple so that I was holding my own breath.

“Do you want to have to wait your turn for me to touch you, Bea?”

I watched her fingers move down to undo her trousers and found myself wiggling on her desk a bit, gripping the edges with my hands as Allie had shown me. She’d known exactly what this would do to me. _Damn, she was good._

“Well. Bea?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” I breathed a little unsteadily. “I don’t want to wait and I don’t want to share you.”

She liked this. Her eyes were glowing and her skin was flushed.

Her underwear matched the navy bra and camisole and my mouth opened again, perhaps to beg her, I don’t know. She spoke first, a finger stroking over the growing wet spot on her panties. _Fuuuuuuck_.

“So do you want Erica, then, Bea? Hmm?”

“No, Allie. I only want you.”

“Sure about that, Bea?”

Her hand dipped into her panties and I bit the inside of my cheek and bounced a little in my spot on the hard desk, making her laugh.

“I’m positive, baby. Erica is only a vase.”

She paused her movements enough to listen to me continue.

“She’s beautiful. And cold. Artificial. Static. Vases need flowers to bring them to life, to fill them up, to add the real beauty. You’re a flower, Allie.”  
—

***Allie***

I swallowed hard at that.

“And you and me?” I asked her curiously.

She looked away for a moment and then back at me. 

“We’re both just random wildflowers who grew where we could manage it, I think,” she offered finally.

“Bea.”

For a woman who claimed talking and words weren’t her strong suit, she sure was hitting it out of the park. 

“Come here.”

I did up my trousers and patted my lap, my voice a bit hoarse with emotion. 

“Yeah?” She double checked before she swung herself off of the desk and into my lap with a laugh.

She slid back on my legs as requested, leaning in to kiss me, tentatively at first until I placed a firm hand at the back of her head and pulled her mouth to mine for better access.

This seemed to free her and her kisses became ravenous, apologetic, beseeching. I finally drew back to breathe and admire her and still her roaming hands so that her gaze likewise stopped moving and settled on me again, warm.

“Bea. That was so romantic, I’m going to forgive your little practical joke and just take you upstairs and make love to you. What do you say to that, wildflower?”

“Yes, please,” she grinned, running her fingers over my face gently.  
—

***Bea***

As relaxed as Allie had been after we had made love and cuddled for a bit, two hours later she was in serious study mode.

“Babe. Do you really need to read all of this? What is it?” I eyed the color-coded system with distrust.

“It’s everything that has ever been published by each member sitting on the interview panel,” Allie said matter-of-factly.

“Oh. Okay. Can I get you anything? Tea?”

“Nah, thanks, Bea.”

“Okay. Well, I’m just going to give you some space. Maybe go have a chat to Bridget.”

“Okay, baby. Have fun,” she said, barely looking up. I nodded, mostly to myself, and went downstairs. 

I nearly ran into Franky at the big doors opposite the dining room. She had an iPad in her hand and some storage bins under an arm.

“Hey, Red. Whatcha doin’?”

I shrugged self-consciously.

“Ah, I dunno. Allie is studying. I’m trying to get out of her hair for a bit.”

“You’re looking for Bridget?” She grinned.

 _Shit_.

“No, not at all. Um, what are you doing?”

“Playroom inventory. Very exciting.”

I considered for a moment before I found her green eyes.

“Can I help? I’ve never seen the playroom.”

Franky pulled a face and then grinned at me.

“You sure, Red?”

Well, now I absolutely _had_ to.

I nodded.

“If you don’t mind. I’m curious.”

“That’s one of my favorite qualities in a woman. ‘Course I don’t mind. Come on, then.”

She keyed us in and I looked around keenly. I’d sort of expected red and black bordello but everything was simple and clean. The colours were warm in the expansive space. There were little nooks, more private areas. Some things were locked up.

I could feel Franky’s eyes on me and she finally said, “I’m just going to do product inventory in those drawers over there. If you need anything or have any questions, I’m happy for the distraction.”

“Okay. Thanks, Franky.”

I walked around as casually as possible. I could see three beds tucked into different alcoves. At another, I paused, looking at the suspension that hung from the top.

“Sex swing,” Franky called.

I blushed.

“Hey, you might like that one, Bea. It’s very… bouncy. Tell Al. I’m sure she’d love to get you up in that thing,” the brunette laughed.

I just hummed noncommittally to myself but I did wonder about it. It seemed a bit too intimidating for right now, though.

I joined Franky by the drawers she was sorting and my eyes widened at the amount and variety of… implements.

“Yep,” she nodded. “This is basically the dildo superstore. Anything you could want, pretty much. Feel free to look, Bea.”

I did and some of them didn’t even make sense. I would have asked Allie but didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask Franky. She sensed my awkwardness and put a hand on my shoulder with a giggle.

“Don’t be scared, babe. I’ll tell ya somethin’, a dick’s a lot better with a woman behind it,” she winked.

I blinked and blushed scarlet. I could feel the heat from my face.

“Do you mean like a…”

She giggled again, this playful Franky. She was nearly girlish in delight at showing off.

“A strap-on, yeah. We have some! Harnesses are in this closet,” she pulled open a closet that had a bunch of outfits in it as well as a dozen harnesses hung up.

“It’s important to try different ones, if you’re gonna be the one wearing it,” she opined.

I just shook my head, unable to meet her eyes. She laughed loudly and patted my back.

“That’s okay, that’s what I figured, Princess. Let Allie do the work,” she winked.

_So Allie has done that. Well, of course she has. But she likes it? Why else would Franky mention it? Do I want that?_

I continued to look around while Franky sorted and tidied her bondage gear as if it were exercise equipment. I picked up an item and keenly read the instructions with it. Hmmm. I thought perhaps Allie could use a break from the stress from her interview prep. Her little scene in the office earlier may have been play but it also told me she was wound tightly. Perhaps I would just have to help with that.

—

***Allie***

I finally headed downstairs in need of a break. Well, in need of a redhead. I found her in the kitchen with Franky and Bridget.

“Hey baby,” I kissed her cheek and wrapped my arms around her from behind.

“Hi, Doctor. How was your studying?”

“The same,” I sighed.

“Don’t worry. Our Allie is aces at cramming.”

I made a face at Franky.

“Why are you like this?”

She shrugged.

“Nobody knows. Oh, hey, you might wanna take your girl here down to the playroom one night. We were in there earlier and I have a feeling she was wishing she was with you, not me.”

I found myself incensed by Franky’s grin.

“What do you mean you were in there with her? What the fuck, Franky?”

“What, Al? She’s an adult. She was curious.”

“You should have asked me.”

“I don’t need your permission to look at Franky’s weird sex room,” Bea interjected.

“Yeah, that’s fucked up, Al. Hey, it’s not… never mind.”

“No, I know Bea. That’s not-“

“You are just having trouble sharing your toys, I think. Bea and I get along just fine. Don’t we, Bea?”

Franky slipped her arm around Bea’s shoulder, her hand dangling just a little too close to her chest for my liking. 

My best friend waited a beat and then winked at me and I lost my shit. The next thing I knew, my palms were on her solar plexus, driving her back against the wall. 

“The fuck?!” She yelled, grabbing for my wrists. 

Then I was flat on my back, staring at our ceiling and I realised my girlfriend had put me on my ass. Right. All those self-defence classes. 

“I’m going home,” Bea looked down at me, her face all disappointment. 

“No! No, please don’t leave. I- can we talk? Will you let me up?”

She leaned down and whispered in my ear. 

“Oi! What’s she saying? Is this some kinky game you two are involving me in? Because I want to know the rules first so I can beat Allie.”

“No competitive sex games,” Bridget said absently, taking a bite of the cake she was eating as she largely ignored their scene from her bar stool.

“Babe. Are you not going to...”

“To what?” She asked, licking frosting from her finger in a way that made Franky think of sex games again but the brunette shook her head to clear it.

“You know... _Bridget_ this. Allie almost hit me! Bea is like a martial arts star and we didn’t know! She’s not letting Allie up!”

Bridget rolled her eyes and took another bite of her cake. She paused and held her fork aloft, leaning forward over the counter so she could see Bea, still straddling my hips and thighs and pinning my arms. 

“Bea? Do you want to let Allie up?”

Bea seemed to consider it and fixed me with a look. I nodded eagerly. 

I got to my feet and looked at her. She folded her arms and I sighed. 

“I’m sorry, Franky. I should not have responded to your... joke that way.”

Bea nodded in approval. 

“But you keep your fucking hands off my girlfriend,” I hissed.

“Allie!” Bea’s voice was sharp. 

Franky laughed happily. 

“Bridget!” I protested. 

“What?” The blonde said, her mouth full.

We all stared at her.

“Bunch of children,” she shrugged. 

Bea stepped between us and gave us each a dirty look.

“You two are making Bridget stress-eat cake and you’re making me crazy.”

Bridget hopped down off of her stool and even though she was well on her way to the doghouse, I noticed that Franky couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose at how cute the petite woman’s move was.

“Would you like to have tea in my office, Bea?”

“Yes, that sounds nice. Thank you, Bridget.”

“You two clean up your own mess,” Bridget said lightly.

“Allie,” Bea warned, “touch her and you won’t be touching me.”

“Franky,” Bridget implored, “stop provoking her. Come on. Be mates.”

“Honestly,” Bea shook her head and accepted a plate of cake from Bridget. 

“No cake for you two until you stop this,” Bridget said, nearly regretfully.

We heard their heels click away

“Look what you did,” Franky sighed, collapsing into a kitchen chair. “Now we don’t even get cake.”

“I don’t care,” I sulked.

“It’s from Nucci’s,” Franky implored. 

“Damn,” my resolve wavered. That was really good cake. 

“Sit down. What’s this about, Al?”

“I don’t know. I guess you’re right. I am having trouble sharing her. I hear you make her laugh and I’m jealous. Then you and Erica are poking at her. I just don’t like it. What if you upset her?”

“Allie. That’s ridiculous! She is so into you it’s disgusting. It’s good she is making her way around here. She’s holding her own! Not easy to do with this lot. You’re not giving her enough credit, really. Try and think of it that way. Also? Bea is gonna be upset sometimes. She didn’t looked thrilled when she knocked you down to defend my honor just then.”

I cut my eyes at her grin. 

“Listen. You can’t go through life rushing around keeping her from ever getting upset. First of all, won’t work. Second? That woman can handle it. By the way, I don’t love whatever Erica is doing either. She’s such a brat sometimes. I’ll speak with her. She’s probably going for your attention but I wouldn’t give it to her.”

I nodded. 

“Did you think Bea looked kind of like a Disney princess when she was mad at us right now? I don’t know why but she did.”

“Mate, did you hit your head when she kicked your arse?”

“Franky…”

“Don’t!” The brunette shoved me back lightly and then grabbed my hands.

“The cake,” she whispered.

I nodded.

“Let’s clean up, then. Ugh, she’s pissed.”

“You’ll work it out, babe.”

—

***Bea***

“Allie is adjusting,” Bridget assured me.

“Her feelings are intense and they are all teasing her quite a bit lately. She’ll be okay. You keep putting her in her place though, right? That was impressive, by the way.”

“Thanks. I can’t believe she put her hands on Franky like that, though.”

“Bea. I understand what that looks like framed in your context but Franky and Allie are just like that. They are very close. They’ve worked together. They’re family. They are big on touch, as you know. They are rough with one another sometimes. I can’t tell you how many split lips and broken picture frames they’ve screamed for me about over the years. They love one another. They’re just like... two big gay golden retriever puppies. Gets messy sometimes.”

“But they’re adorable?”

“Yeah,” Bridget sighed. “They are, aren’t they?”

“So that didn’t concern you?”

Bridget shook her head. 

“No. Not at all. It’s just... an overflow of emotion. They aren’t actually upset with one another and they aren’t actually fighting or trying to hurt one another. Now, that would concern me. This? Allie is just anxious and she’s asking Franky to help her work it out in their own childish, dysfunctional way,” she shrugged. 

“Okay. I trust you. But Allie’s going to have to ‘calm her tits’ as your wife would say, at least when I’m around. I’m not used to that and I don’t want to be.”

“Good. Tell her,” Bridget smiled and curled her legs under her. 

—

***Allie***

“Allie. What is this? Fighting with Franky. Being upset if I talk to Erica. I can handle myself.”

Half an hour later, I had cake but I also had a very irritated girlfriend in my bedroom.

“I know you can!” I protested. 

“Well it doesn’t feel like it when you run around policing all of my social interaction.”

She said it gently but firmly and I felt guilt hit me in the chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said, tearful now.

“That’s not what I’m trying to do, Bea.”

“Okay. So what _are_ you trying to do?” She asked, trying to stay calm.

“Protect you!” I smacked my hand against my face and winced. She rubbed the red mark my ring had made on my cheek and frowned before kissing it.

“Explain, please, Allie.”

I sighed.

“I promised I would protect you and I’m afraid I won’t be able to and then you will be disappointed and leave.”

I couldn’t look at her but I could feel her hands washing over me, running through my hair and down my back and around to my lap and my own hands.

“Well. That’s a lot of anxiety to make up, isn’t it? You can’t protect me from life, Allie. And I don’t need you to. You just be my safe place if I do get hurt, yeah? That is the only promise I need.”

I struggled a bit but got it under control and just squeezed her hand. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So dial it down. Okay? I prefer to knock you flat on your back for fun.”

That made me smile.

“Come on. I’m ready this time.”

“Allie.”

She laughed and I felt full again. 

“Hey. It’s Tuesday. Let’s go have a drink at Marco’s.”

I felt Bea’s arms slip around my waist from behind and smiled.

“I want to go out with you, babe. So tired, though.”

“I know you’re tired, baby. It’s early. We’ll just have a drink or two. I’m going to help you relax.”

Her voice held something cocky and playful in it and I turned so I could see her face, wrapping my arms around her in return and kissing her lips lightly.

“And how are you going to help me, Bea?” I teased.

She smiled a smile that spelled nothing but delicious trouble.

“You’re stressed out and trying to control everything and that’s only making you more tired and more stressed. I want you to give me control tonight. Let me take you to Marco’s for a drink. Then I’ll come back here and finish helping you relax and I’ll sleep in your bed tonight and make sure you have nice dreams.”

She sweetened the pot with that last bit and I was weak, too weak to resist a night of rest in her arms. If she wanted control, she could have it.

“Okay, Bea,” I whispered, kissing her lips softly and sighing. “You’re in charge.”

I smiled. I could see she hadn’t thought I would go along so easily but the truth was, for the first time, I was in a relationship with a woman I trusted. The thought of giving her control would have been terrifying even just weeks ago but already I could see it might be relaxing to just let Bea be in charge. Plus, I liked that she wanted to try. I was still pissed at Franky but ultimately, Bea’s little trip to the playroom was paying off nicely for me.  
—

***Bea***

I made sure to handle everything from the Uber to holding the car door, two of Allie’s traditional tasks. She’d protested and I’d grabbed her butt, clad in the jeans I requested she wear.

“Your only job tonight is to sit back and look beautiful and let me take care of you. Can you try for me, baby?”

Allie laughed.

“It does sound like an enormous hardship but I’ll try. For you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, kissing her softly.

We were amongst the earlier cocktail hour patrons and easily reclaimed our booth. Halfway through our first drink I handed Allie a small bag. She instantly looked up with questioning eyes.

“There are a pair of panties in there with a pocket for a very quiet bullet vibrator. You are going to go to the restroom and change into these and put the vibrator in the pocket. All you need to do is turn it on. I’ll control the rest from my phone.”

Allie’s surprise took a moment to morph into delight.

“Bea Smith. You are so tricky. Found these in the playroom, did you?”

“I did. And I thought it might be a nice way for you to relax and give me control for a bit. How do you feel about it?”

“I’ll be right back,” she grinned in answer, brushing her lips over my jaw.

—

By the time we had finished our next drink, Allie was hyper focused on the erratic pleasure that I was delivering her. She was hanging on my every word and begging for kisses and touches.

“That’s so good, Allie. You look so relaxed. So beautiful.”

“Okay, Bea, now can we... oh. Bea. Let’s...”

She could barely talk- for once- and it was intoxicating knowing I was doing that to her. 

“Bathroom?” She finally managed. 

I gave her a sympathetic look and pushed a piece of blonde hair out of her eyes.

“No, baby, not tonight.”

Allie’s mouth dropped open.

“But.. but I need…”

I turned the toy down a tiny bit lower as I leaned in close to her and whispered.

“Allie. Listen to me. You have nothing to worry about. I’m in charge. I know what you need and I’ll take care of you. But if you can’t listen?”

I turned the vibrations off completely and elicited an audible “oh!” from Allie.

She opened her mouth and I put my finger over it.

“You just have to trust me, Allie. I’m going to give you a moment to calm down. I’ll be right back. Don’t get up, baby.”

I smiled and walked away without looking back, knowing she would be proud of that if she was watching. And she was watching.

—

It worked because upon my return, a different Allie waited for me. She asked how I liked my cocktail and told me I looked beautiful. At this, I turned her vibrator on, straight to medium, and watched her eyes roll back a bit, reaching to wrap an arm around her waist and keep her close and steady.

“Do you want to go home, baby?”

“Yes, please, Bea,” she managed, her lips hovering for a moment before I claimed them, keeping the kiss light.

I stood and held out my hands to her and pulled her up, again realising how much she was actually struggling. I turned down the vibrations to a calmer level and she sighed.

—

***Allie***

Well, it had been the longest taxi ride home of my life. I’d been half in Bea’s lap, her lips on my neck, and jumping off of my seat every time we hit a bump. She was merciful but teasing, reminding me who was the boss tonight. It was sexy on her, I had to admit.

We finally made it to the bedroom and stripped down to our underwear. I went to step out of the special pair and Bea’s reaction was instant. 

“Did I say you could take those off?”

“Bea. Are you serious?”

“Allie. I think there is some confusion about what we agreed.”

“Enlighten me, please,” I smirked.

“You agreed that I’m in charge. Maybe you don’t understand what that means,” Bea said, her serious voice definitely turning me on.

“What?” I asked.

I felt my breath leaving me as I was spun around and pressed against the wall, Bea’s hips holding me in place, not to mention the hand Bea had around each of my wrists, pinning them to the wall on either side of me.

I shivered as I felt her breath tickle my neck. Then that sexy rasp was in my ear.

“You don’t run this bedroom. I do.”

“Yes. Yea, Bea. Got it.”

She loosened her hold and then moved me gently, careful now, touching my jaw as if it were made of glass as she tilted my head and kissed my lips.

—

***Bea***

“Lie down on the bed, please. On your back for me.”

She gave me a wry smile but settled herself in place as requested.

I stood at the bottom of the bed for a moment and watched her. Let her see how desired she was. And reminded her who was in charge. Then I climbed up onto the bed, over her, only my hair tickling her skin. I was purposefully slow and controlled, my kisses firmly placed, a hand on her face. I was grateful for all of the push-ups I did; I was easily able to hold myself above her while she twitched underneath me, soft bare skin arching towards mine.

“Bea! Please!” She finally bit out.

I laughed and allowed her to pull my body down flush against her own for a kiss. God, she felt good.

I kissed my way down her sensitive skin, taking my time, enjoying her full attention. When I finally reached her clit, I held her hips in place as I blew warm air over it before she thrust up at me and I felt a surge of powerful sexuality. 

“Mmm, Allie,” I hummed as I applied my lips to her clit and began to suck on it very gently. Oh, she liked that.

I smiled and released it with a small _pop_ sound. I flicked the tip of my tongue back and forth and up and down as she had done to me previously and felt my own desire begin to trickle down my thighs again as Allie bucked underneath my movements and made noises I had never heard from her before.

I’d never felt so powerful in my entire life. Forget all of those self-defence classes and therapy, I should have skipped straight to ‘make a gorgeous woman squirm underneath you’. It was doing wonders for my confidence. 

“You taste so fucking good, Allie,” I moaned, knowing she would like to hear it. Plus it was true, she was delicious. She smelled like sweet, warm, humid sex and her taste was somehow sultry and intoxicating, an elixir I couldn’t have described but instantly became addicted to.

“Yeah? You like it, Bea?”

“Mmhmm, I do. I just want to drink up every drop of you, baby.” 

That had her hips wriggling in excitement and I dipped my tongue back down to run through her folds and up to her clit, playing there while slipping two fingers inside her. 

“Fuck, Bea!!”

“Good?” I asked.

“SO good, baby. Jesus Christ!”

I nodded and leaned back down to circle her clit with my tongue slowly at first, as I got the hang of it, and then faster, making her arch up into my face with a desperate sound. Waves of heat threatened to drown me in their swells as I forced myself to concentrate. 

I felt her hand gently pushing my head down and I followed her silent request, licking her clit harder and faster while I pumped my fingers inside of her, until she was thrashing on the bed and whimpering for me. The sight and sounds of Allie completely undone and spread out before me, so very desperate to come, were so fucking hot. My own muscles were randomly clenching, my body begging for the new sensations it had so recently discovered. But this was about her and I redoubled my efforts. 

“That’s it, baby. Your only job is to let it feel good. Just take it, beautiful. That’s so good, Allie,” I whispered curling my fingers while I circled her clit with the tip of my tongue.

“BEA! FUCKKKKKK!”

Her thighs shook around my face as she screamed my name, squeezing me as her orgasm pulsed through her. 

I slowly cleaned her up while she panted, sensitive to her little twitches and to the feeling of her hand on the back of my neck, eventually stopping me. 

“Come up here, gorgeous.”  
—

***Allie***

_Holy fuck. That was so intense. I swear it’s because of this empathic connection we seem to share. She knows what to do because she knows how I_ feel. _Either that or_ _she’s been watching dozens of hours of instructional pornography but I doubted that._

 _It’s so strange and overwhelming and fucking hot with her. I can feel it when I’m pleasing her, too. I just_ know _what she needs._

Her face was buried in the crook of my neck shyly and I smiled. I would never tire of this dichotomy, a babe in the woods one moment and just a total babe the next. 

I kissed her and tasted myself on her lips and groaned again. Her first, I realised. It didn’t matter, I would have found it every bit as wonderful if I was her hundredth. I couldn’t deny that I felt special, though. That one of the very few good things to come out of what Bea went through was that it brought us together. That we were given this time and these experiences to share.

I’ve had all types of sex. Except this kind. I’ve encouraged my clients, and Bea, to have real sex with connection, to be vulnerable. With her, I can finally take my own advice.

Not being in control often felt like giving something up and it could frighten me. Giving Bea control tonight was different. I trusted her with my mind and body. I closed my eyes and smiled.

I heard her breathing next to me and remembered she was coming down from her own high.  
—

***Bea***

“Bea.”

I turned my head, automatically smiling at her.

“Yeah.”

“It’s tiring being in charge, hey?”

I thought for a moment. 

“Is that what it is, Allie?”

“Yeah. I think so, babe.”

“Do you feel like this after we... not that I feel bad, but it’s a little heavy and I usually feel all floaty and that’s not fair to you.”

“It’s not quite the same. Don’t get me wrong, Bea, that? Was amazing. You and I would be what’s called ‘switch’ because we are exactly that. When we play we can switch who is in charge, who is directing things, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have natural inclinations. You’re naturally more submissive and I’m naturally more dominant, that’s all. It takes more energy to do what isn’t as natural for you. I loved it though, it was really relaxing so thank you, baby. Plus it’s nice having a first of my own with you. I feel so much better than when I woke up today.”

I wanted to jump up and down, I was so happy to have given her something, anything. I just smiled and ran a hand down her bare back. 

“I’m glad. I think it was good for both of us. I like taking care of you too, Allie. However you need.”

“Well you definitely did that. You are-“ she yawned, “-full of surprises.”

Her eyes were already closing and I kissed her gently and slid closer, holding her closer, always closer.

“Allie. Here, baby. I’ll be the big spoon. You just... okay then.”

I shook my head as she was suddenly immovable, all warm breath and naked skin and beauty at rest.

—

I swung my legs over the side of the bed. Allie slept on undisturbed. I knew she was exhausted from all the preparation she was doing for her interview at the university. Plus, I had well and truly worn her out. After our adventurous evening, I had fallen with her easily, finding comfort in her warmth and weight. Something intruded, though, and I found myself awake and unable to go back to sleep. I wouldn’t wake Allie, she was so tired. I could handle this. I was craving something and I tried to put my mind on it.

My own wants could be elusive at times. I’d spent so long abdicating all choice that it could be overwhelming. I looked out the window. The sky was a particularly glowing midnight blue. I wanted a beer. I was restless and I checked Allie’s small kitchen, although she kept nothing in it. I would have to change that. I cast an uncertain look at her before I put on my robe and went downstairs.

She must have seen the light from the fridge.

“Bring me one?”

I looked around quickly.

“I’m outside, babe.”

Franky waved at me through the window and I gave her a shy smile and nodded.

I found the side door and went out on the back deck to join her, finding her bundled in blankets in an Adirondack chair. She indicated the other one and passed me a blanket in exchange for her beer.

“Thanks.”

It was cold, but a good, clean cold. I inhaled deeply.

“It feels clean,” I said absurdly. “Sorry. That was stupid.”

“Nah.”

Franky closed her eyes and breathed in.

“It does. It’s nice. How ya doin’?”

“Fine. Why?”

I always probed the response there, wanting to know my own tells so I could cover them better.

“No reason. Relax, Red. Just usually when I have company out here this late and they’re drinkin’ beer, maybe they got something on their mind. That’s all.”

“No. I just can’t sleep. How about you?”

She just smiled and shook her head. She wouldn’t crack that easily and I knew it.

“Just a long day, Red. Long day. But you know about those.”

“Yeah,” I sipped my beer uncomfortably.

“So, Leo sure is fond of you. Second only to our Allie, of course.”

I laughed.

“He’s so cute. Really, Franky. He’s... something.”

She liked whatever she saw in my smile and the one I got back was open and warm. It was just a moment but I felt it all the same. I decided to end it before I ruined it somehow.

“I’ll leave you to your relaxing, then. I’m just going to grab a couple of beers to bring up to Allie’s.”

“Get whatever you want, Bea. You’re one of us. Just help yourself, yeah?”

I nodded, shy at her kindness. I tucked the blanket back into her lap and took a risk of my own and squeezed her hand.

“Don’t stay up too late, Franky.”

“Aw, Bea. I’m touched. I’ll be right. You run upstairs. Press one of those cold beers against missus up there and have her help you get back to sleep,” she winked and grinned.

I grinned back this time.

“I think I’ve put her out of commission for the evening.”

“No shit,” Franky laughed. “You really do like a challenge. Cheers, Red!”

I blushed and clinked beer bottles with her.

“She’s really so tired, Franky. Go easy on her, yeah? She’s so stressed about this job interview. I don’t know why. She’ll get it for sure.”

“Ugh!” Franky made a strangled sound.

“What?” I asked in alarm.

Franky smiled tiredly at me. The brunette’s long day was showing.

“Honestly, the pair of you. Red. She’s not stressing the interview. She’s stressing what it represents. She’s doin’ it for you guys. She wants ya to be proud of her. She wants to show you you’re important to her. Riiiiight?”

She was nodding at me as if I was simple and I nodded back.

“I didn’t think of it that way.”

She sipped her beer and shrugged.

“Eh, it’s nothin’. Can’t hang out with as many shrinks as I do without picking up a thing or two. A beer is just... the perfect thing right now. Thanks, Red. I’m glad you came down.”

”Yeah. Me too,” I smiled.

”Goodnight, Franky.”

—

***Allie***

I didn’t hear my keypad but I did wake up just as the door swung open. Barely in time to brace myself for impact and cover most of myself and Bea before Leo launched himself into my bed. 

“AUNT ALLIE! Mama said I c’wake you... Hey, BEA is here! G’day, Bea!”

It was clear he could not be more delighted by the redhead’s unexpected presence and I couldn’t keep the grin from my face. 

“G’day, Leo,” Bea tucked the duvet under her arms and grinned at him, looking radiant and, it struck me with satisfaction, much healthier than when we’d met. 

“Did you have a sleepover?”

“Yeah, we did. Morning, pal.”

I kissed his head and gave Bea an apologetic look. She just shook her head and smiled. 

“I wanna come to the sleepover next time! Can I read with you guys until breakfix is ready? Hey! I can’t get under the covers!” 

He slipped through my hands and ducked under the bottom of the duvet near our feet despite my protests and began army crawling upwards before we heard giggling. 

“Oh, you’re naked!!!”

He laughed loudly as his head popped back out and he leaped off the bed, running to the top of the stairs so his voice would carry. 

“MAMA! Bea had a sleepover but she forgetted her pajamas so she’s NAKED! They BOTH are! Isn’t that funny?!”

Bea blushed and put her face in her hands and I just laughed as he ran back to us giggling. He was six. It was funny. 

I heard Franky’s boots moving double-time on the stairs and she appeared in my doorway wearing an apron over her clothes and a huge grin. 

“G’day, lovebirds! Sorry! Didn’t realise! Okay, let’s go, Leo, that’s enough naked ladies for you this morning.”

“Only three,” he argued.

“That’s my boy,” Franky shrugged at us. 

She lifted him upside down and dangled him down her back while he protested and reached for me. 

“Breakfast in fifteen unless you have better things to do,” Franky winked at us and carried her son out of the room, shutting the door behind them with her foot.

“Aunt Allie! Are you married to Bea now?”

I shook my head as Leo didn’t give up, shouting through the door. 

—

***Bea***

Well, eating breakfast with new people doesn’t become _less_ awkward after your presence is announced at top volume along with your state of undress. Allie and I received clearly coached apologies from Leo and a promise to knock in the mornings. 

Bridget came breezing into the kitchen and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Bea. I heard you were here,” her eyes danced with humour. 

I grinned back at her. 

“I think everyone in Australia did. Good thing he’s so cute.”

“Leo, I swear you are going to fall down and I am not going to hospital this morning,” Bridget said, kissing Franky and sniffing the travel mug of coffee her wife handed her, making little “mmmm” sounds to both. 

“I’m fine, Mummy! I’m a lion.” 

He was crawling his way across the bar stools at the counter until he got to Allie, roaring and climbing into her lap facing her.   
—

***Allie***

Leo’s arms were loose around my neck as he leaned over and noticed the scar curving around Bea’s shoulder with interest, her tank leaving it exposed where her robe had fallen down. I winced internally, anticipating what he might say, but he was quiet. 

Bea looked up when she felt Leo’s small fingertip tracing her scar. 

“Did you fight a monster?” Leo asked solemnly after a moment, his cornflower blue eyes looking up to Bea’s for an answer. 

“Actually, I did. Yeah.”

“But you winned? You killed the bad guy?”

“I did.”

“Wow! Did you know that, Aunt Allie?”

“Yeah, pal.”

“That’s why she’s so special, because she’s a superhero?”

“One of many reasons.”

“That’s so cool, Bea,” he climbed over to her lap and traced her scar more confidently, adding some sound effects to his imagined battle. 

—

***Bea***

“Are you letting these ladies eat, little lad?”

Leo’s head shot up and he grinned. 

“Gramma Liz! I sawed Bea naked. And she’s a superhero!”

“Well. Sounds like I’ve missed a lot, then!” 

She leaned in to kiss him and he held her face. 

“Did you have a nice sleep, Gramma?”

“I did, Leo, you sweet boy. How about you? What did you dream of, my darling?”

“Yeh, trains!” he laughed. 

“Ah, trains, again! Isn’t that funny?” 

Liz pinched both Allie and I on our cheeks. 

“You look like teenagers, the pair of you.”

I blushed and wished Liz a good morning, surprised to find that when she patted my back I felt calm and comforted, rather than the mild distaste for uninvited touch I had thought was instinctive by now. Interesting.   
  
“I heard you’re not married to her,” Leo said sympathetically to Allie. 

Allie choked on her juice. 

“Leo, we talked about this! Stay out of it.”

“I _know_ , Mama,” he told Franky, rolling his eyes at her in perfect mimicry of her own version of the gesture. 

His heart beat Doyle and his brain was all Westfall. It was like he just couldn’t help but try to help. 

“Auntie Allie. She’s your best girl, she’s a superhero, and she sleeped naked with you. I’m just saying you should marry her before someone else does. Ironman, maybe. Or SpiderGwen.”

Allie laughed. 

“You’re _just saying_ , huh?”

She tickled him and he giggled. 

“Yeah! I’ll marry you, Bea!”

“Thank you, Leo. It’s nice to be asked.”

“See?” Leo kissed Allie’s cheek.   
  
Bridget clapped her hands.

“Okay, baby boy! You ready? We need to get going! Lunch is in your backpack and Kate will meet you at pickup. Give everyone kisses!”

Leo and Bridget kissed everyone goodbye and were nearly out the door when Franky stopped them for one last cuddle. 

“I’ll walk with yas!” Franky said impulsively at the last minute, throwing her apron down and flashing us a smile. 

“Right. Back after the school run.”

“Take your time, Franky. You’re free until noon, darling,” Liz called to her. 

It was very sweet, watching the brunette. She didn’t want to let her family out of arms’ reach and I felt myself warm towards her again. Her sharp edges made me careful but in moments like this, I enjoyed a peek behind all of that razor wire. 

Allie turned to me and sipped her tea. 

“And that’s how we start the day around here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it. More to come soon if you’d like to read it! ❤️💜.


	11. Chapter 11

***Bea***

I bolted upright, sweating, my heart pounding, mouth dry. It took me a moment to fully wake, to breathe and realise I was in Allie’s bed. _Safe_. _Safe. It’s okay. Safe._

“Bea?”

Her lamp clicked on and she looked at me, her eyes widening.

“Bad dream?” She asked softly.

I was trying to decide whether or not to tell her when she caught me.

“You’re okay, Bea. I’ve got you.”

Through my dream, I’d finally remembered what set Harry off, what began the entire event that would turn me into the Red Widow. The spark that lit the flame before his fire raged through my body, my house, my family, burning it all down.

Harry had been drunk and knocking me around and when that didn’t satisfy him, he decided he would move on to humiliation.

“Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to tell me the details if you don’t want to.”

Allie’s voice tugged me back to the present. She looked tired and I felt my eyes tear up.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Her thumb stroked my cheekbone and she shook her head in confusion.

“Sorry for what, babe? You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I woke you and now I’m keeping you up. I know how tired you are.”

I looked down and watched a couple of tears land on the duvet, swiping at my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Bea. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere except right here, awake with you. No ‘sorry’, okay? What can I do to help?”

I looked up at her from under my damp lashes and swallowed hard, nodding to myself.

“He... um...”

She nodded encouragement but I still felt a reluctance. Not because I didn’t want to tell her but because I remembered how affected she was by the videos of me during the aftermath. She didn’t say it, but I knew it made her angry to even think about him. Allie wasn’t going to drop it, though.

“He told me to get on my hands and knees on the floor. I thought he was going to rape me again. He kicked me hard in the side with his boot. Then he told me to bark.”

“To _bark_?” Allie asked incredulously. 

“Yes.”

I felt deep shame redden my cheeks but defiantly refused ownership of that feeling.

“And you wouldn’t,” she said softly, knowingly. 

“No.”

“It escalated from there.”

“Yes. I know it doesn’t make sense but I was _used_ to him raping me.”

Allie swallowed hard at that and I flinched but continued.

“He had never told me to bark before. Pretty stupid thing to risk my life over, huh?”

Allie regarded me seriously.

“Your life was at risk every day you were in that house with him. It wasn’t your fault.”

I knew that, intellectually, but the feelings were a bit more ambiguous.

“Did something trigger you, Bea? Do you know what made you think of it?”

“I just remembered it. In the dream. But I’m positive it was real.”

—

***Allie***

She shivered and lifted her singlet and examined her ribs, exhaling once she’d reassured herself the bruises weren’t there anymore. 

She shut her eyes tightly and I forced myself to breathe, hoping to help her regulate her own ragged breathing.

“In the dream, I could finally hear him, finally remember that first day. ‘Bark, bitch. You’re gonna bark. One way or another.’”

She began shaking and I snapped my fingers softly in my lap and said her name, not wanting to touch her but needing to bring her back to me. 

“Bea. You’re here with me now. You’re safe. Can you open your eyes?”

She did and immediately moved towards me before halting. 

“What?” I asked. 

“I’m all sweaty and gross,” she grimaced. 

“Come here.”

I drew her into my lap and held her tightly as I inched us to the edge of the bed. 

“You know? A dog did bark at one point, outside, and he laughed and laughed. Now, I think it must have been a police dog.”

Her voice sounded a bit far away for my liking. Once my feet were firmly on the floor, I kissed her salty lips and stood, lifting her with me. I carried her into the en suite and set her down on the countertop by the sink, pressing another, more firm kiss to her lips before I stepped away to turn the shower on. 

“Okay?” I asked her. 

“Yes,” she nodded, a little numbly. 

I kissed the crown of her head as I slipped her singlet over her arms and pulled her towards me and off of the counter before easing her shorts down for her. I quickly kicked my own clothes off, noticing she wasn’t moving, not even her eyes. She appeared captivated by a decorative shower tile. 

“Bea?”

She turned to me and tried to show me how she felt, as she so often did, but couldn’t quite manage it, finally settling on a bewildered look. She leaned closer and began tapping my shoulder rapidly. 

“I know, baby. Whatever you have to do to get through tonight is okay. If you need to put it away, you can do that. If you can talk, I’m here to listen. I can hold you, touch you, give you space. What do you need, Bea?”

“Keep me here?” she looked so deeply into my eyes, I wondered what she could possibly be seeing.

“Okay. Come on, Bea. The water is going to feel nice, yeah?”

She just nodded. 

“Talk when you can, babe. About anything. It’ll help.”

I stepped into the shower and held her hands as she stepped in after me, shivering a bit until we shut the door. 

“Hey,” I whispered, pulling her under the warm spray with me. 

She smiled and ended up spitting out water before she answered

“Hey.”

I pumped some body wash into my hands and lathered it before I started slowly rubbing it over her skin. Her eyes closed. 

“With me, Bea?”

“Yes, Allie. Totally with you. This is good.”

“Good. Just keep thinking of the feeling of the water on your skin. My voice. My hands on you.”

“Your mouth on me?”

She smiled, seeming already lighter than when she’d woken. I couldn’t help but feel grateful that I was able to comfort her, at least.

“If that’s what you want, Bea.”

“That’s what I want, Allie.”

I kissed her and held her and made love to her softly and slowly in the shower, a cocoon of steam and warm water and safety surrounding us. 

She was all smiles again when we climbed into bed. 

—

***Bea***

“You seem relaxed now,” Allie observed as we settled back into bed.

“You’re very good at relaxing me,” I said sweetly. It was a deflection nonetheless. 

“Do you want to talk more, Bea?”

I rolled over on my side and faced her, sliding a hand up and down under her shirt, absently teasing her stomach. 

“I’m good for now. I think that... maybe I remembered after all this time because I finally feel safe. Do you think that’s true?”

“It could be,” She acknowledged. “That’s amazing progress, Bea.”

“It might happen again,” I whispered. 

“It might,” She agreed. 

“But I’m not scared,” I smiled, “Thank you, Allie.”

“For-“

“For _all of it_. You know what I mean. 

“Anytime, Bea. Plus, it’s not like I’m complaining about getting an extra shower with you.”

“Mmm that was nice.”

She was watching me closely, constantly reaching for me with little touches, gestures, reassurances. I had a feeling she planned to keep watch until I fell back to sleep. Guilt flared again. I knew Allie was beyond tired and we both had busy days tomorrow. In fact, I might not even see her. The thought made me sad, even though I knew it was silly. In a way, I was grateful for this odd bit of time together in the witching hour, regardless of what prompted it.

“Allie, I’m fine.”

“Yeah you are!”

I rolled my eyes but smiled at her.

“You sound like Franky.”

”Okay, first of all, that’s mean, Bea. Secondly, ew.”

I laughed at the sour face she made.

”Let’s go back to sleep, baby.”

Her blue eyes probed and assessed before she nodded and scooched closer to me, wrapping me in her arms and squeezing me before placing a kiss on my temple.

—

***Allie***

I had stayed up until I was sure Bea had fallen back to sleep. I was awake anyway, thinking of her dream, her memory. I felt rage flare in my chest and quickly tamped it down, knowing she would somehow feel it and wake up if I didn’t calm myself.

After such a rough night, the next day had been hellacious and passed in a blur. I was eating lunch and texting Bea and the next thing I knew it was dark out. I sighed and dug into my homework.

—

I opened my eyes as I heard a tapping sound. Quickly orienting myself, I cursed as I realised I had fallen asleep at my desk reading a fairly disturbing paper on evolutionary psychology that argued psychopathic traits might be biologically advantageous in humans. It was a bit of a dense read but the author was on my hiring panel and I’d resolved to do all of the research I could. I _needed_ to get this job. The tapping sound repeated and my eyes moved to the door of my office as I called, “Come in!”

”Hey, you,” Erica smiled as she let herself into my office and shut the door behind her.

I was _not_ in the mood for this. I swiftly crossed the room and opened the door again, fixing her with a stare. She remained silent, looking somewhat bemused.

”What’s up?” I finally asked.

”Just wanted to say hello. I was on my way out and saw your light on... I can stay if you want some company.”

She flashed me an inviting smile and I sighed. I would have let it go. I really would have but then her hand was on my cheek and I felt a flash of anger as I stepped back.

”What? We aren’t friends anymore just because you have Bea now?”

She sounded mildly injured but I recognised her attempt at manipulation easily.

“You know how much I care about you, Erica. Don’t push me and don’t start that about Bea. You don’t want to come anywhere near that.”

She assessed me thoughtfully and gave me a small smirk.

“Wow. So serious, Allie! You don’t have to be like that. I know you aren’t always like that.”

I grabbed her arm before Erica’s hand made contact with my skin again. She didn’t move, other than raising an eyebrow as if to suggest this was mere foreplay.

“Erica. Stop playing games. I’m telling you. I’m unavailable and so is Bea. It’s not a challenge. Accept it and just be our friend. I really want that.”

“And that’s _all_ you really want?” She asked coquettishly.

_Jesus_. She was tenacious, I’d give her that.

“Yes. It is.”

She shrugged casually.

“Okay. No problem. I _am_ happy for you, you know, Allie.”

“Thanks. Hey, are you coming to dinner next week?” I tried moving to safer ground. 

“Maybe. Do you want me to?”

I sighed and took my glasses off.

“ _Erica_.”

“Right,” she smiled, “Yes, I’ll try to make it.”

I smiled back at her.

“Sounds good.”

She gave me an unusually appraising glance.

”What?”

”You look exhausted, Allie. Where is Bea?”

I sighed wistfully

“She’s at home.”

Erica rolled her eyes good naturedly.

“Just call her. My car will drop you off on the way.”

I checked the time. Just before ten. I debated it for half a minute before the urge to sleep next to Bea hit me with force and I sent her a text.

_Allie: Hey baby. Sorry I missed your call. Fell asleep. Can I come over?_

She sent back a video of her patting my side of her bed and I grinned.

—

As I stepped from Erica’s hired car, I saw Bea’s front door open. She’d been watching out for me. The thought warmed me. I saw Debbie come out and lean into Bea’s side, both of them already in their pajamas. Debbie had a unicorn onesie on while Bea was in one of my old Uni tees and a pair of shorts. I don’t know which ensemble made me smile harder.

“Hey,” Bea said softly, looking at my face carefully and then lifting her free arm to draw me in for a hug.

I was a little surprised to feel Debbie’s hand come up and pat my back lightly. _I must really look like shit._

“Hi, you two. Don’t you look cute?”

Debbie smiled and turned around with a wiggle, showing me her rainbow tail.

I felt profound relief to be here, with them, and silently thanked Erica. She was a pain in the ass but she was right. I would sleep better here.

—

***Bea***

Allie’s surprise visit had been more than welcome. She’d looked so tired that I hadn’t questioned her, or even talked much. I’d simply led her to my bed, bringing her a glass of water and then rubbing her back until she fell asleep, finally peaceful.

She’d slept solidly through the night and I woke up with an arm and a leg thrown over me, her face tucked into my neck. I smiled to myself at how mushy Allie got when she was tired. Debbie did not come to wake us for breakfast, to my surprise. I managed to crawl out from under Allie and found Debbie in the kitchen.

“What?” Debbie asked when she turned and saw me staring.

“Were you just going to let us starve?”

Debbie laughed.

“Allie seemed like she needed the sleep.”

“Not as much as I need breakfast with my two favourite girls,” Allie said from my doorway, watching us with a smile.

We were eating when Debbie gestured to Allie’s tote bag.

“Why do you have a folder from my school?”

Allie looked surprised and I realised she hadn’t made the connection.

“Allie has a job interview there tomorrow, Deb.”

“Hey, do you know any of these people, Debbie?” Allie handed her a list of the hiring panel she would be sitting for.

Debbie tapped the third name on the list.

“This one. She’s a total Francophile. Drop in a quote from anybody French and you’ll have her on your side. Oh, I took a class with Professor Killian. He’s really nice. If you give him an opening, I bet he will toss you an easy question.”

“Debbie!” Allie shrieked excitedly and was out of her chair.

For some reason, Debbie got up, too, and began running away from Allie, giggling. I watched my girlfriend chase my daughter around the table until she caught her and smacked a big kiss on her cheek.

“Does that help?” Debbie asked.

“Are you kidding? Yes!”

Debbie looked pleased as she sat back down. I beamed at both of them.

—

I’d hopped out of the shower before Allie and was sitting at my vanity in my robe by the time she joined me, wearing a spare robe of mine that was appealingly short on her. I murmured my appreciation and she winked.

She bent to kiss me, hovering nearly out of reach so her lips made only brief, teasing contact. I laughed and wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down to me for a proper kiss.

“Ah, better.”

“Very better,” Allie agreed. “What are you doing?”

I held up my bottle of Vitamin E oil and she licked her lips before hesitating. I raised an eyebrow.

“May I?” She asked softly.

I hesitated. It was sweet that she wanted to but I felt a bit exposed. I decided that was silly and I finally nodded and handed her the bottle.

“Up, please,” she gestured for me to stand.

I complied and watched as she turned the small bench so it was perpendicular to the table, gesturing for me to straddle it and following suit right behind me.

“This okay?”

I nodded and she tapped my lips.

“Yes,” I verbalised for her, rolling my eyes but smiling.

I undid my robe and slid it off and she kissed the scar on my shoulder, just a gentle press of her lips and the warmth of her breath warning me before her hand slicked oil over my skin and she kissed the opposite side of my neck. 

I laughed. 

“That’s way too much, Allie!”

“Well. I like you slippery!”

“But I’m going to have to sit here forever for it to soak in.”

“Oh _no_ ,” she continued to rub the oil around my arm, following the curved line where doctors had stitched me back together.

“Bea, are you saying you will have to sit here naked with me for even longer? I will _definitely_ be more careful next time.”

I just grinned at her. 

“Cheeky. Thank you.”

That sobered her a bit for some reason but she smiled. 

“Where next?”

Ah. That was clever. I was sure she knew where most, if not all, of them were by now. She allowed me to show her the way I wanted to, at my speed, her face still relaxed.

“Here,” I pointed down my forearm and she rubbed the oil into the jagged scar with her thumbs. 

“Thank you.”

“Bea. You don’t have to keep thanking me.”

I just nodded at her because she was wrong. I did need to. 

I held my other arm out to her and showed her a small mark on the inside of my bicep. I could tell by her frown that she hadn’t noticed it before. 

“Is this from a...”

“A burn. Yeah.”

She nodded but she looked a bit sick and it made me feel awful. 

“Here. I’ll just do it. I’m used to it.”

My voice sounded clipped as I took the bottle from her and Allie looked hurt. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I couldn’t seem to look up at her. I didn’t want to cry. Not over this.

—

***Allie***

“Bea. I’m sorry.”

“I know. I know you didn’t mean to. But you just looked at me like-“

“No! Bea. It’s not you, baby. I just... I don’t like that you got hurt. It’s hard to think about it sometimes. _You_ are perfect. I love every inch of you and I wouldn’t change anything except to take away your pain if I could. I’m sorry I made you feel bad. It’s... actually, um, someone else I know has some burn scars and it kind of reminded me of that, too. Please let me finish? I love your body. I want to know how to take care of it. Plus what if you break an arm and a leg or something? I should know how to do it.”

“Like in _Misery_?” Bea asked suspiciously. 

I laughed and felt relief course through my veins as she handed me the bottle back and kissed my cheek. 

“Okay. Here.” She pointed to a some thin white horizontal marks on her side. 

I slipped my robe off and pressed myself against her back as I rubbed a drop of the warm oil over her ribs and kissed her dry shoulder. 

“Would it be weird if I found this sexy? Not the fact that it needs to be done. But being here with you, naked, rubbing oil on you? Yes, I like this.”

“You don’t have to explain, Allie. It is nice. Intimate.”

Bea tipped her head back to kiss me and then laughed as she pulled away teasingly. 

“You look all... glowing,” I told her, briefly speechless. 

“You look all beautiful,” Bea shrugged, making my smile widen. It wasn’t to last. 

“Allie? Who hurt Franky?”

_Oof_ , that took me by surprise. I sometimes forgot how observant Bea was.

“Oh... It’s not mine to tell. I mean, you know I’ll tell you anything about me, Bea.”

She nodded, but her face looked serious.

“I understand, baby. I wouldn’t want you talking about my history and I respect hers. She was a kid though?”

“Yeah.”

My voice was rough and I saw her mouth tighten as she nodded.

“Bastards. Poor baby.”

“Where next?” I barely managed the words. 

—

***Bea***

I looked up into the mirror immediately at the timbre of her voice. Tears were streaming down her face. 

“Oh, Allie. You’re hurting that we were hurt?”

She nodded and I cleaned her face with a tissue, as her hands were oily.

“Baby. It’s okay now. I know you feel this _responsibility_ but I don’t know why. Your heart is so big sometimes I think I could just hide away in there. Look at me.”

I waited patiently and looked for her eyes in the mirror.

“Allie. You couldn’t have protected Franky or me back then. And we are so lucky to have you now.”

She shook her head and I heard her breathing kick up.

“Are you okay? What are you thinking?”

My questions were tentative and Allie took a deep breath before her words rushed out.

“That I’m a fucking _liar_. Because I say I’m not ashamed of myself but I am. Not because of what happened to me. But because I let it take away some of my humanity. Because I didn’t always help. There were other girls... I should have at least tried. I was afraid but that isn’t an excuse. Then I just cleaned myself up and went to school and pretended. I think maybe I was always pretending, hiding, until I met you.”

I stood and turned before sitting again, facing her now, wrapping my legs around her waist and pulling her into a long, tight hug. When I spoke again, I kept my voice soothing and quiet.

“Allie. All you do is help. It’s your most natural instinct. You were a _child_ then. An _abused_ child. Do you blame me? For the things I’ve done? For what I cost myself and Debbie over the years? For these scars?”

“Bea. Of course not!”

“Exactly. Allie. I’ll do anything to help you work through these feelings... but I don’t want to be your atonement.”

My lip quivered, just a slight betrayal before I got it under control.

“Oh, baby. You’re not. That’s not what this is.”

I didn’t ask the obvious question, just nodded and wiped her cheeks for her again.

Allie rubbed some of the extra oil into my shoulder and kissed my lips gently before directing me to turn around again.

Our emotions settled as she continued on and took a task that used to be traumatic then had slowly moved to mundane, and turned it into something damn near romantic.

—

***Allie***

I felt better after Debbie’s tips and Bea convinced me to take the day off and just review my materials in the morning before my interview. I was getting close to burning out and knew she was right. Plus, she _may_ have whispered some suggestions about spending the rest of the morning in bed together that were guaranteed to persuade me.

Getting a good night’s sleep had helped my outlook immensely and I found myself with plenty of energy to please her, kissing every scar I had touched earlier before putting my lips to better use.

Even though we had gotten plenty of exercise together, we decided to go for a run and then had lunch outside at a cute little café near my house. We were close to Leo’s school and I texted Franky and offered to pick him up.

_Franky: He’ll love that. I’ll let Kate know. Thanks, Al._

I held Bea’s hand as she craned her neck during the chaos of dismissal time, scanning the crowd of littles for ours. I realised he would be looking for Kate and called to him as he walked out with his class.

“LEO DOYLE WESTFALL!”

His head popped up and Bea squeezed my hand, smiling.

“MALLIE!” He shouted joyfully, followed by, “AND BEA!”

Her smile was nearly as big as his as he came running towards us, his little backpack bouncing. I waved to his teacher, who knew me by now and waved back at us, smiling at how happy her pupil was as he charged at us and nearly knocked us down with his flying hug tackle maneuver.

—

***Bea***

Leo rambled about his day at school as we walked home with him between us, clutching our hands in his. I met Allie’s eyes over his head and grinned. I was so pleased to see her relax. I felt very confident she was over-prepared for this interview and would benefit more from a break than anything else.

We were having a snack in the kitchen when Franky and Bridget came down the back stairs. They had used their time wisely, if their messy hair and lazy smiles were any indication and I tried not to laugh. 

“Mummy! Mama! I did not even KNOW about the surprise!”

”What surprise, grommet?” Franky kissed his head.

“The Mallie and Bea pick up surprise!”

Bridget laughed and Franky groaned. I cocked my head. I hadn’t been sure the first time but this time, I definitely heard it.

“Is he calling you ‘Mallie’?” I asked, watching Allie’s eyes twinkle in response.

“That was Leo’s baby name for her,” Bridget offered, smoothing her son’s hair back affectionately.

“He was born during Allie’s... time off,” she explained.

“Major depressive episode,” Franky added in a helpful tone.

Allie rolled her eyes but Franky continued.

“After her last breakup she just stayed home and snuggled with him and Bridget. We were afraid he would never walk because she didn’t let Little Lord Westfall’s feet touch the ground. Around four we switched to Aunt Allie because Mama, Mummy, Gramma, and Mallie is a lot for one house.”

“That is so sweet,” I kissed Allie’s cheek, noting she looked mildly embarrassed but happy.

“Oh yeah,” Franky rolled her eyes. “It was real sweet when she actually got dressed and left the house or he woke up and she was down in her suite. He would just cry in his crib. ‘Muh Allie! Muh Allie!’ That turned into Mallie.”

Leo laughed, obviously familiar with this story. He stroked Allie’s hair. 

“I cried because I loved you such much and I was just a baby.”

“That’s right, bub. You’ve been my best pal since you were born. You kept me company when I really needed a friend.”

She smiled at the memory.

“And you wiped my poop because you are My Allie.”

“Yes. That too,” she conceded.

—

***Allie***

My interview outfit was a bit sweaty by the time I made it home the next afternoon. I knew Bea and the others were waiting but I hadn’t texted after my interview. Better to just go home.

I keyed myself in and immediately heard Bea’s footsteps hurrying towards the front door.

“And?” She asked, biting her bottom lip.

Bridget and Franky and Liz were not far behind her.

“Well? How’d you go, love?” Liz asked excitedly.

“Al?” Franky asked, a note of concern in her voice.

”That’s Dr. Novak, University of Melbourne, to you,” I finally grinned.

They cheered, none louder than Bea, and she was in my arms before the others could rush us with congratulations. Bridget opened a bottle of champagne and poured glasses for all of us. Franky made a toast that managed to be both vulgar and sweet at the same time. Bea picked up her phone.

A moment later, we heard a knock at the door but Bea beat me to it.

“Debbie!” I grinned in surprise.

“Congrats, Professor! I heard you guys are in need of some swag!”

Debbie began handing out “University of Melbourne” sweatshirts, handing me my blue one last. She shook her head at my teary eyes.

“Don’t,” she ordered strictly before hugging me tightly. I nodded into her curls and met Bea’s eyes, overflowing with happiness.

”So if I take one of your classes, automatic A, right?” She teased.

I laughed and she handed me another sweatshirt. It was a kids’ version of the ones she’d gotten the rest of us and everyone exclaimed over how cute it was and how much Leo was going to love it.

“Put them on!” Debbie encouraged us, “I want a picture.”

We obliged and I knew without even seeing it. This one would be a keeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took me a little bit, but I should be quicker with the next chapter. What say you, patient and lovely readers? 💜


	12. Chapter 12

***Allie***

The mornings I woke up next to Bea were always special. The mornings I could talk her back into bed after breakfast? Those were even better.

We’d slept at my house as Debbie had plans with friends anyway. After a much less jarring wake up call from Leo than the last one, we cuddled and read with him until Franky shouted up that breakfast was ready; or in her parlance, “CHOW TIME!”

After a lively meal, I watched as Leo ran back inside for one more hug from me and then headed for Bea before leaving for school. I shared a grin with Franky from across the room, noting her almost involuntary nod as she watched them together.

“What’s the hold up in here?”

Bridget stepped back inside, sipping from her travel mug.

“Ohh.”

Her mild annoyance instantly transformed into an indulgent smile and she waited patiently as Leo whispered something to Bea and linked fingers with her before letting go and running for the door.

“Ready now, Mummy!”

—

Bea watched the three of them go, waving through the window. Once she turned around, I was immediately busted despite my half-hearted attempt to look innocent. She raised an eyebrow.

“And what might you be looking at?” She eyed me at my perch at the counter.

“Just checking you out, as always,” I matched her playful tone, delighting in her grin as she made her way back to me and moved to stand between my legs.

I was more than happy to accommodate her, especially when she reached up to cup the back of my neck and pulled me down to her for a kiss that quickly turned into full on making out, my hands settling at her hips and pulling her even closer to me.

“Okay,” I finally breathed, “Upstairs.”

“What?” she panted.

“Let’s go back to bed, Bea. Come onnn. Pleeease.”

I may have whined just a little, teensy, tinsy bit. She laughed and bit my pouty lower lip gently. My hands were undeterred in their migration down to squeeze her bum.

“Really?”

I kissed her firmly on her mouth again and then moved my attention up, placing a delicate kiss just under her ear and trailing more of them lightly along her jaw, pulling back teasingly when she made a low sound in her throat.

“What do you think?”

“But..” she blinked and looked around the kitchen, “we have to... tidy up,” Bea struggled but her thumb was sliding inside the vee of silk at the top of my robe, smirking as she saw my nipples harden. 

“Nuh-uh. Liz tidies breakfast. Get going.”

“Allie! You lot leave it a mess like this for Liz every day?”

I tried not to laugh at her incredulous tone and horrified face.

“You are _such_ a spoiled brat,” she shook her head.

“Don’t care,” I shrugged and smacked her lightly on her backside. “Go.”

Those amber eyes filled with mischief.

“Come on then, bratty girl.”  
__

***Bea***

I laughed as Allie jumped up and followed me upstairs as I keyed us into her suite.

Allie was so relaxed with her new job secured. Her body was physically looser, the casual way she had her arms draped over my shoulders, her legs pliable under my touch. I reflected on what Franky had said when I’d spoken with her during a midnight beer. It wasn’t the job, but what it represented to her. I’d been terrified of Allie changing her life around just for me until Franky pointed out that it wasn’t just for me. It was for _us_.

Now, she was easy and slow. Until I undid her belt and removed her robe for her; a favor she happily returned. She grinned as we joined hands, interlacing our fingers, and climbing onto the bed to begin our dance. I laughed at her silly wrestling and finally pinned her, kissing and touching her until she was too desperate to do anything but cling to me.

“I forget how strong you are,” she squirmed experimentally under me, earning a tighter grip on her wrists and a small bite on her neck that made her shiver. 

“Too much?” I checked. 

“Nuh,” she grinned. “Hot. 

“Yeah?” I held her but loosened my grip a bit anyway as I began to kiss my way down her body. 

“Mmm-hmmm!”

She soon arched upwards towards my mouth, making me laugh. My fingers slid to her hips, freeing her hands to tangle in my hair and pull. 

“Brat,” I bit her thigh. 

“Bea,” she laughed at the reprimand she so often used with me.

“Allie,” my whisper was deliberately raspy as I held her still with firm hands and dipped my head to swipe my tongue over her clit. She shook under my fingers and lips, all delicious sighs and gasps. 

“So needy this morning…” I murmured against her before slipping my tongue inside of her and swirling it around her heat.

“So sweet, Allie. What do you need now?”

“To come, Bea. Please. Just-“

“Okay, baby,” I soothed her, pressing a kiss to the bite mark on her thigh and working my way up. I straightened an arm and placed it just across her hips while I bent lower, my tongue hot on her clit and two fingers sliding into that wetness that was mine, moving until I found the way she wanted most. 

“Oh holy fuck, yes, _that_ , please!”

I smiled and continued. She was so close, so fast. Ordinarily, I might have teased her, drawn this out. Not when she was like this, though. 

“Bea! Fuck, I’m coming!” Her fingers tightened in my hair as she thrust against me and groaned her release, my curled fingers coaxing her along and then letting her down until she quivered and sighed and her entire body relaxed. 

I rested my head on her thigh and daydreamed for a moment. 

“Bea?”

She was looking at me curiously. _How long had she been calling me?_

I crawled up to kiss her, rejoicing in the curve of her grin against my lips. 

“Baby,” she kissed me, “you are so fucking hot. That felt sooo good.”

“Yeah?” I smiled. I was growing much more confident as Allie’s lover, but it was always nice to hear that I pleased her. 

“Yes. Come here. Kiss me, Bea. Tell me or show me what you want.”

I kissed her, feeling my face begin to burn for some reason. Allie stroked up and down my sides, she kissed my lips, dropped her mouth to my breasts. She was patient while my need both consumed and eluded me, sucking on my nipples and parting my thighs with one of her own. She pressed the pad of her finger gently against my clit and circled, tapping into the urgency I felt. I moaned into her mouth and tightened my legs against hers. 

“There’s my girl,” Allie murmured in my ear. 

“Yessss…” I threw my head back and brought hers to my breasts, my fingers combing through golden silk. 

She teased my nipples with her tongue and tapped and circled my clit until I pulled her face back to mine and begged her to fuck me. 

“That’s what you want, Bea?”

“Yes, Allie! Fuck me. Make me come on your fingers.”

She hummed happily as she slowly slid two fingers inside of me and I moaned into the crook of her neck as I moved against her. Her thumb teased my clit as she fucked me and her other hand held my neck in place as she kissed me, passionately but slowly, pulling back to watch my face as she stroked my G-spot and pressed her thumb down on my clit.

“Allie!”

“Yes, Bea. That’s so good. I’ve got you, baby,” she urged, her fingers quickening and pushing me over the edge. She left me clinging to her, sleepy and smiling.

—

***Allie***

My very satisfied girlfriend was recovering on top of me, lying on my chest as I ran my fingers up and down her back. She shifted until she found her particular favourite spot to rest her head and the contented hum she made as she settled there made me smile. We rested there, in the quiet morning, not quite asleep but pleasantly absent all the same.

She was stirring now, her fingertips moving on my skin idly. It struck me how the same physical actions I had once used only as a tool in working with others now brought me such deep peace. Once I had finally accepted her touches and the emotions behind them, accepted Bea and what she meant to me… it had changed everything, even something as simple as a fingertip gently tripping along over my ribs.

Before she cruelly evicted us from my bed, as I knew she soon would, I decided to float an idea, considering several before I picked one.

“Hey, Bea? Would you maybe want to try something new soon?”

This roused her more thoroughly and her eyes found mine, now keenly curious.

“Maaaaybe. What is it?”

“Well, I was thinking it would be very sexy if you would sit on my face sometime.”

She looked surprised and I sat us up a bit, keeping her in my lap, bending to press a necklace of kisses beneath her collar bones. She clearly needed a little bit of softness and reassurance.

“Yeah?” She asked uncertainly, leaning back against my bent knees.

“Uh-huh. It would be like when I go down on you except you could be in charge of what you want a bit more. You could control the speed and pressure... what, baby?”

“I’m worried I would smother you, Allie,” she said seriously. 

I worked to keep my face blank, although a case of the giggles threatened. It was a very common concern and I just nodded. 

“You’re afraid you’ll cut off my air and kill me?”

“Yes.”

“Bea.”

“Seriously,” she said, “I can’t afford the bad press, Allie. Can you imagine what they would write? ‘ _Red Widow smothers lesbian in sex romp!_ ’”

I burst out laughing, the movement making her bounce in my lap. She looked immensely pleased with herself.

“Funny girl. My hands could be on your hips or legs. And I could tap you if I needed you to move. You won’t hurt me, baby.”

She nodded, agreeing to consider it. I decided to make sure it stayed on her mind and dropped my voice to a seductive whisper.

“My tongue could be moving inside of you. Or I could rub your clit as you ride my fingers. Suck on you while you grind against me until you come in my mouth.”

I saw her whole body flush as she rocked her hips against mine at the words and then pulled me closer. I hid my smile in her hair. 

“Lots of choices. No pressure, just an idea. You think about it, okay, babe?”

She nodded and pushed me back against my pillows to be skin to skin again and adjusted her head until she reclaimed “her” spot.

That’s all I’d wanted to do, plant the seed and allow her to think about it. Now I would wait. I was in uncharted territory here and wanted to be cautious. However, I knew Bea never met a challenge she didn’t like. Plus, she wanted to please me. That was not something I’d had to factor in often, professionally or personally, in the past. I needed to remember to respect that and never push her too far. I would keep giving her control. The problem was, I couldn’t be sure she would stop me at her limit without pushing her close enough to check and I was entirely unwilling to do that. For now, I would let her lead me and always give her ideas well ahead of time so she never felt rushed or regretted anything.

”Hey, Bea?”

”Mmmmm?”

”What did Leo whisper to you this morning?”

”Can’t tell,” she yawned and smiled.

”You can tell me.”

”I really can’t, Allie. I pinky promised.”

”Oh, well, in that case...” I laughed and found her asleep on me again, a smile gracing her lips.

—

Three hours later, we were walking downtown, rather aimlessly, hand in hand. Bea patiently watched me ogle some shoes in a shop window, only indicating her boredom when she finally placed a kiss on my shoulder and bumped her forehead against it lightly, like an affectionate cat. I turned to her and smiled as we began walking together again.

“You know, I’ve never said... I really like that you are okay with public displays of affection.”

“Why?” She asked, genuinely curious, as I raised our joined hands to press a kiss to the back of hers.

“Well. I don’t know. Not all people are. You’re naturally a bit more reserved than I am. And then there’s that one other thing.”

She smiled at me. 

“That you’re a woman?”

“Yes. And that’s a first for you.”

“ _Everything_ is a first for me, Allie!” She laughed. “I like the feeling of standing next to you. Holding your hand. So if I want to touch you and I can...”

She trailed off and shook her head, setting her tote bags down on the ground before she was dragging my lips down to hers, pouring her emotion into a kiss that was both wanton and perfectly sweet. In other words, _Bea_. I didn’t move as she picked up her bags again.

“What?” She finally asked.

I just smiled and wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her again.

 _Say it. Just say it, Allie._

_Ut oh. What? That can’t be right._

—

***Bea***

“Hey, Bea?”

I had never heard that note in Allie’s voice and I looked at her carefully. 

“Allie? What hurts?”

“How do you know... fuck. Ow. Never mind.”

“Show me where?”

Allie lifted her shirt and pointed. 

“Don’t-“

I pressed my hand against her lower right abdomen and she hissed. 

“-touch!”

“Has your stomach been hurting?” I asked her gently, probing her eyes for the truth.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “It hurt higher up, near my belly button but now more there,” she pointed.

_Shit._

“Allie, have you had your appendix out?”

“No...”

My mouth set into a grim line. I took her hand and led her over to a bench, giving her a good look over as I helped her sit. I held the inside of my wrist to her forehead to check her temperature. She smiled at the gesture before grimacing again.

“We need to get you to hospital.”

“No,” Allie shook her head vehemently. “I’ll be fine. It’s just… ow… nothing, Bea. Ow! I just need to lie down for a bit.”

“Please don’t argue with me, Allie. If it ruptures, it could be dangerous.”

“No hospital,” she was wincing even as she said it.

I was pulling at my hair by this point, shaking my head, growing extremely agitated as my brain filled with conflicting thoughts and my concern for her hammered away in my chest and the sirens began to ring in my ears.

“Fuck, Allie!”

“What, Bea? It’s fine. Are you _angry_ with me because my stomach hurts?”

“Of course not! Allie, please listen to me. It’s not fine. Because if you have appendicitis you need to go to hospital. I want to go with you, hold your hand. I need to be able to-“ I shook my head in frustration. “But if you refuse and if we end up having to call an ambulance later, I don’t know if I can... I just…” I trailed off miserably, feeling like it was inevitable that I would fail her here. If not here, then another time. I was never going to be able to give her what she deserved.

—

***Allie***

_Oh, fuck, now she was crying._ I thought immediately of the video I had seen of her terrible experience with medics and the ambulance ride after Harry. I felt fucking awful that I had upset her and taken her to that place. I also just felt fucking awful. Something was wrong. 

“Okay. Okay. I get it. I’m sorry. Fuck, it really hurts, Bea. Let’s go.”

—

***Bea***

Her sudden compliance alarmed me and I quickly tapped on my phone. 

“I’m just going to text and ask Liz to pack you a bag with some pajamas and stuff. Okay? Someone will drop it by for us.”

Allie didn’t answer. 

“Baby?”

“Okay. Thanks, Bea. Hey, if I _do_ die, make sure you tell Franky she was wrong, okay?”

I realised she was worrying under her joke, her attempt to reassure me revealing what she needed. I kissed her cheek. 

“You’ll be okay, Allie. Stay here and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“No! Where are you going?!”

The panic in her voice made me want to touch her but I didn’t want to hurt her. I took her hand.

“Nowhere. Nowhere, baby. Here, squeeze my hand. How much does it hurt?”

 _Fuck_. I started looking for a taxi anxiously.

—

Six hours later, I was anxiously waiting for Allie to come out of post-operative care, pacing and craning my neck for a glimpse of her every time I heard the screech of a gurney heading towards us.

“She’ll be fine, love,” a nurse assured me. “Won’t come any slower if you sit down and wait.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself. We’d said I was Allie’s sister so that I would be allowed with her. Nothing could have kept me away but it was just easier.

Finally! Finally, one of the many times I jerked my neck to peer down the hallway, there she was. A nurse and an orderly were moving her on a gurney.

“Allie! Hey!”

She looked upset but gasped when I leaned over the side rail for her hand and walked with them.

“Bea!”

“Hey, my beautiful girl! How are you feeling?”

She just shook her head and winced.

“Ah, so _you’re_ the famous Bea,” interjected an Irish nurse with dark hair and amused blue eyes.

I looked at her curiously and she smiled.

“First word she said when she could speak. And the second, and the third…”

I blushed a little but part of me was pleased, no sense in denying that. I followed them as they wheeled her into her room and made quick work of setting her up.

“Ah, now you have her, love,” the nurse raised the bed so it was inclined, patted Allie’s shoulder, and transferred bags to the IV station next to Allie’s bed. “If she needs me, don’t hesitate to push the call button, Bea. I’ll be back to check on you soon, Alison. Doctors’ rounds are in an hour.”

I thanked her and Allie ignored her, her gaze fixed on my face.

“You didn’t leave,” she said hoarsely.

“Of course not! I’ve been right here waiting for you.”

At that, she started to cry. 

“Ohhh. Don’t cry, baby.”

“My throat hurts, Bea!”

God, she sounded so sad and scared it physically hurt me to hear it. I just wanted to fix it for her. 

“I know, sweetheart,” I said sympathetically. “It’s from the tube, it’ll feel better soon. How about some ice, yeah?” I held out the cup the nurse had left on the tray.

She nodded meekly and opened her mouth. Apparently I would be feeding her the ice chips. _Okay then_. I just smiled and placed one on her tongue. 

After about twenty minutes of ice chips and sad faces, I saw pain surge in her eyes.

“Baby, you need to press your morphine pump.”

She shook her head.

“Allie-“

“I will. Just want to tell you something.”

I felt her squeeze my hand nervously.

“What is it, Allie?”

“I felt like such shit when I woke up. I genuinely thought I had overdosed again and it was fucking terrifying and then I remembered. I remembered you.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. That must have been so scary. You’re okay now. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Allie nodded and cried more.

“Meds now?”

She nodded more and I leaned over and pressed her thumb down on the button she was holding ineffectually.

“What else do you need, sweetheart?”

“Would you lie down with me?”

“Is that all? Of course. Move over just a bit for me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You would _never_ hurt me, Bea,” she said sincerely.

I melted just a bit and kissed her lightly.

“That’s right, baby. I want to be careful of your stitches, though, okay?”

“Okay,” she said quietly, looking unhappy.

I toed my shoes off and put my purse on the windowsill behind the bed, climbing in behind Allie who rolled closer to me immediately, her grip surprisingly strong, her cheeks salty.

“You’re scared,” I whispered softly, knowing my own skyrocketing heart rate wouldn’t be helping. I deliberately tried to slow it.

Allie nodded against my shoulder.

“That’s okay. Because I’m not. Okay, Allie? So you can be scared because I’ll take care of you.”

“You’re so… good to me and so…”

I looked and smiled at her eyelids fluttering.

“Beautiful...”

“Shhh, baby. You’re the beautiful one. Let’s sleep now.”

I wouldn’t have bothered to rest if I’d realised how brief her nap would be and that she would try to sit straight up with her mouth already moving even before opening her eyes.

“Allie! Easy, easy. Slow, sweetheart.”

I fussed with her pillows and checked her bandage, looking up to meet an accusing stare from her blue eyes.

“I just remembered. You’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad, Allie. That doesn’t matter. Just let me take care of you.”

Allie began to sob silently and I sighed, knowing her emotions were being hijacked by her meds and by pain. I remembered all too well the post-anesthesia come down. Debbie once sat with me for an hour while I cried because my ice chips were melting. She’d tried getting me new ice chips but I simply started the cycle over, lamenting their fate. 

“Oh, Allie…”

I wiped her tears and turned on the television, hoping to distract her for a bit. It worked, too, for about four minutes.

“Oh no. You’re mad at me! I forgot _again_! Why are you so mad at me, Bea? That’s not very nice of you to be so mad when I just had a slurgery. Slurgery? Did I have a slur-gery?” She made an incredibly frustrated face. “What a stupid word I had!”

“Yes, you had an operation. Allie. I am not mad at you.”

“Yes. You were, too! Mad because...? I wouldn’t go to hospital? But I am _in_ hospital so... ohhhh you’re _not_ mad. You’re... tired? You can take another nap here! We have a bed, that’s good, right? Oh, or are you hungry? I can order you something! Can I have my phone? I miss my apps... my _applications_.”

She smiled like a cult member as she said the word, as if they were something wondrous and not fancy ways to order lunch or pay bills. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, Allie. After you sleep some more and let the meds wear off. Okay?”

“But my apps...” she said forlornly. 

“Oh my god,” I whispered to myself and rubbed my hand over my face, reminding myself to thank Debbie again later. 

“You promise you’re not mad?”

“I promise. Come here, let’s have a cwtch.”

We’d adopted Allie’s favourite Welsh word and it was special to us, although sometimes we would give Leo a cwtch, too. Allie definitely needed one. 

“Okay,” she sighed in my arms and I felt all the tension leave her body as she quickly fell asleep with her face between my breasts, making it hard for me not to laugh. 

Naturally, the doctor arrived ten minutes later, waking both of us and smiling at our awkward position.

“Hello again, Ms. Novak, I see you found your... sister?”

“Um, yup,” I tried not to laugh. 

“We’re a very affectionate family,” Allie said with a straight face, trying to break me and succeeding, feeling my silent laughter shaking against her body. 

Not to be outdone, I reached over and casually rested my hand on one of her boobs, making both of us burst out laughing. 

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” 

“That would be your stitches pulling,” the doctor said with mild disapproval.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised, trying to control myself. “Sorry, Allie.”

“You’re so cute,” she smiled dreamily at me. 

“And that would be the drugs,” the doctor said.

“No way!” Allie argued, incredibly offended. “She is super cute without drugs, too. Just look at her! Wait. Are _you_ on drugs?”

“Cute, cute, cute,” she whispered to herself and poked my face. 

I ignored her and addressed the surgeon. 

“So she’s okay? Surgery was normal?”

“As normal as emergency surgery ever is. She’ll be fine. Barring any complications, she should be able to go home tomorrow.

“Hey. I know you,” Allie said.

“Yes,” the doctor smiled and scribbled a note on her clipboard.

Allie’s eyes dawned with realisation.

“You’re the one that took my appendix!”

I laughed. She sounded very like Leo for a moment.

“She removed it for you, Allie, she didn’t _steal_ it.”

Allie nodded but crossed her arms and appeared to be warily guarding her remaining organs.

I smiled an apology at the doctor who just shook her head good-naturedly and gave me papers with instructions for Allie’s care and medication.

—

Debbie and Franky showed up to the hospital a bit later with a harried-looking Bridget. 

“I am not watching these two together again. Next time one has to stay home with Liz and Leo,” Bridget announced.

“Debbie! Tell me you behaved for Bridget.”

“Franky started it!”

“Did not! Debbie is teaching me self-defence! We were just practicing!”

They grinned and started shoving one another until I froze them both with a serious look. 

Bridget watched on and looked impressed. 

“Can _you_ teach _me_ that?”

I nodded casually and patted her arm. I noticed Debbie watching me as Franky crept over to peer down at Allie, roused by their commotion.

“Hey, Alliecat. How ya feelin’, champ?”

Franky rested a hand on her blonde head gently instead of messing up her hair roughly as she so often did. 

“Franky! Are you guys playing basketball without me?”

Allie looked looked genuinely hurt. 

The brunette’s green eyes went wide and she looked at me. I just smiled and shrugged. _Welcome to my world_.

“Nah, we can’t play without you, Al! You’re our best player!” 

Allie smiled and nodded to herself at that. 

“She’s wasted, hey?” Franky said to me with delight, her voice low. 

“Yes. And feeling quite sorry for herself. Your turn! Don’t give her any more juice, please.”

I took Allie’s hand and gave her a squeeze. 

“Allie, I’m just going to go have a snack with Debbie and then I’ll be back. Franky and Bridget are here to visit with you while I’m gone.”

She blinked at me and stuck her bottom lip out. 

“But... but I don’t want you to be gone at all!”

Goodness, she sounded pitiful. If she cried, I didn’t think I would be able to walk out of the room. I wavered briefly but Franky shook her head at me and Bridget laughed quietly. 

“Al, you’re embarrassing yourself. Let her go get a drink with her kid. She’ll be back. I’ll stay with ya.”

Allie regarded the brunette seriously and I tried to pick up the thread currently stretched between them but it remained gossamer and elusive.

“You’ll stay with me, Franky? Like last time?”

My eyes darted to the brunette’s curiously, finding her looking at Allie with a mixture of sadness and affection.

“‘Course I’ll be here! I got you, babe. Just like old times. And your girl will be back before you know it.”

Allie raised an eyebrow at me as if to confirm this information. 

“Yes, of course. I’ll be back in an hour, Allie.”

“You _pinky_ _promise_?” 

I smiled at her and kissed her gently as I linked my little finger with hers.

“Yes. Pinky promise. Remember what we said in Bridget’s office? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh yeah!” Allie said happily and looked over the side of the bed. 

“Yup. I can still see your feet. Okay. That’s good then. Have fun, make sure Debbie wears a jacket, eat something healthy, I love you! Bye, Bea!”

The whole room froze while Allie tried to drink from a nearly empty apple juice, the suction through her straw the only sound. 

“Oh my god, HI BRIDGET!” She graced the petite blonde with a huge smile. “What are you doing here?! Hey, do you have any juice?”

They were all staring at me and I just laughed, though my cheeks were flushed. I shook my head at them and headed for the door. 

—

“Hi, baby,” I kissed Debbie hello. “I’m just going to run to the ladies’ over there before I explode.”

“Wasn’t there a restroom in Allie’s room?”

“Yes, but she was scared for me to go in there. Don’t even get me started.”

“Oh, I remember those days,” Debbie laughed. 

I smiled at her and slipped into the restroom, locking the door and releasing a breath as I leaned against the counter for a moment.

My hands shook as I dried them and I took a breath and looked in the mirror. _You can do this. For her. You can._

Debbie was patiently waiting for me when I exited and I clocked her checking my eyes and made sure to give her a smile I hoped was reassuring.

My girl looped an arm through mine as we made our way down to the cafeteria, knowing the layout of this place nearly as well as our own home. 

“So. I heard that,” Debbie teased. 

“What?” I feigned ignorance. 

“Oh, I dunno. ‘Bea, let’s crazy glue our faces together, did you bring my umbrella, wear socks, I LOVE YOU!’” Debbie impersonated Allie’s compromised state and we both laughed. 

“So?” Debbie poked gently. 

“Sew buttons?”

“Mum.”

“She’s just zonked from the meds.”

“I don’t know about that,” Debbie said thoughtfully.

I lifted my head to look at her and suddenly burst into tears, unable to hold back when I could taste hospital.

“Oh! No! Mum, I’m sorry! We don’t have to talk about it!”

I got myself under control. 

“I think we’d better talk about it, Deb.”

We went to the cafe and ordered teas and a chocolate chip muffin for Debbie. 

“You love her, too,” Debbie guessed once we sat down, trying to make it easier for me, as always.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Like _hopelessly_. It’s embarrassing how much, Deb. We haven’t said it yet. Well, not properly,” I blushed.

“I’m thrilled for you, Mum. Allie’s friends are nice, too. I can tell you like them. Especially Bridget.”

“You’re a very bright girl, Debbie. You might want to consider psychology as well.”

She scoffed at that but her gaze remained fixed on me closely and she only proved my point.

“How are you holding up, Mum?”

“It’s not as bad as I thought. Not comfortable either but I don’t have a choice. Everything went well, though, so she’ll be discharged by tomorrow, I hope.”

“That’s great, Mum!” Debbie encouraged, trying to mask her unease at the thought of me spending a night here again.

“Yeah. About that. Debbie, I want to ask you... would you be okay if I brought Allie home with us? While she gets better?”

Debbie’s forehead creased. 

“But doesn’t she live with Franky and Bridget and Liz?”

“She does. But in her own suite and it’s upstairs. We have just the one floor, which would be easier on her with her stitches.”

I sighed. 

“Honestly, Deb? It’s not so much that she _needs_ me to take care of her, I’m sure they could manage just fine. But I _want_ to. If you are comfortable with having her around. I’ll worry less if she’s with us.”

Debbie pretended to think it over. 

“Okay. You can bring her home. But you have to feed her and walk her.”

“Are you sure? You’re okay with it?”

I hadn’t allowed myself to hope past this point but I was already thinking about being home with Debbie and Allie.

“Yes, Mum, of course. I’m not heartless.”

“You have a very big heart, Debbie. That’s why you guard it so closely.”

“Yeah yeah. Okay. I’ll go to the store and get all the stuff she needs, text me a list. Then call me tomorrow when you and the patient are ready to be picked up and I’ll come and get you. I’ll bring pillows for her in the car and everything. Just like old times.”

“Debbie. It’s not going to be like with me. Is this too hard on you?”

“No, Mum. I was just joking. Really. I want Allie to come home with us.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It’s worth it just for your stupid, happy face.”

“I let you spend three hours with Franky…”

“Speaking of. Franky and Bridget said I could spend the night at theirs tonight. Would that be okay with you?”

“More than. That’s a great idea. Use your manners and be helpful, yeah? And I don’t want to see you and Franky back here this evening so no more lessons for her just now, right?”

“Are you handling things okay, Mum?”

I composed my face very carefully. My daughter was shrewd and her attempt to catch me off balance triggered alarms.

“Handling what, Deb?” I sipped my drink.

“Hospital. I know…”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay, Debbie. You?”

“Yes. I don’t love it but Allie is here, so,” she shrugged.

I wondered if Debbie felt it, too, then. The race of adrenaline the smell of this place induced, the bitter taste of blood in my mouth. I didn’t want that for her and I felt the weight of my failures pressing at the back of my eyes again.

“You’re the best daughter in the world, you know.”

“I know,” she grinned.

“Okay. Get out of here. Thank you for going to the store! I’ll make a list now.”

Our embrace was tighter and longer than usual and I felt another pang of guilt. I sensed Debbie was trying to comfort me, as much as the reverse, and shame might have played over my face for just a moment when she looked back. I blew her a kiss and took another sip of tea with a shaking hand.

—

After a long, uncomfortable night, Allie wasn’t cleared by the doctor until late afternoon. I looked at my phone.

“Okay, baby, Debbie is going to be here in thirty minutes. You need to take one of these,” I handed her a pain pill and she shook her head.

“I’m okay.”

“You’re okay _now_. When we need to move you in and out of the car and get you settled, it will hurt. It’s better to get ahead of the pain now so it kicks in when you need it.”

I wiggled an apple juice at her enticingly and she reached for it. I dropped the pill into her palm and nodded, waiting for her to put it in her mouth. She rolled her eyes and complied and I handed over her juice.

—

***Allie***

“Hey! Looking for a hot blonde in a wheelchair. Looks like this one is taken, though. Seen any others?”

“Debbie!”

The sight of Bea’s daughter shouting out the car window was the first thing to bring a smile to my face all day and I could feel Bea relax beside me.

“Hey, Debs. Thanks for picking us up. How do we-“

“I got it,” Debbie said, hopping out of the driver’s seat.

She gestured for Bea to go around to the other door.

“Debbie, I can-“

“Mum. I know what I’m doing. Okay, Allie. Keep taking deep breaths. You’ll put your arms around my neck and hang on. We’re going to stand you up, turn you to your left, and slide you into the back to Mum. Okay?”

I looked at Bea nervously and she nodded encouragement.

“Okay,” Debbie nodded, “One, two, three, up!”

Debbie executed the move with a calm and confidence I wished she’d never needed to learn but appreciated all the same. Bea’s arms were waiting and she helped me slide in, placing a pillow behind me and another in my lap.

“Fuck!” I whispered. “You were right about the meds.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Home soon.”

“How am I going to do the stairs?”

My eyes began to tear up again. I wasn’t even going to be able to walk to my suite. I hated this already. I was lucky to have help but I didn’t want to _need_ help.

“No stairs at my house, Allie. Well, just the two outside.”

“Wait. We’re going to your house?”

Debbie laughed.

“As if she would let you out of her sight!”

Bea gave me a confused look.

“Yeah? We did talk about it but you were a bit out of it. Is that okay? I had Liz pack some things for you since I know Franky would have only sent lingerie.”

I knew she was trying to make me laugh but my throat was tight and I just crooked a finger at her, afraid to move my torso. My redhead indulged me and came close so I could press my lips against hers.

“Thanks, Bea,” I whispered, my tears hot on my cheeks.

“Silly,” she shook her head and wiped my face.

Debbie’s eyes flashed up to check on us in the rear view mirror.

“Thanks, Debbie.”

“For what? This is going to be fun. I’ve seen ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’!”

The girl grinned and I tried not to laugh, knowing it would hurt.

“I meant for calling me ‘hot’ again today. You really know how to cheer a girl up.”

“ _That_ she remembers,” she rolled her eyes at Bea.

They got me home to Bea’s house and into her bed without incident. Most of the next two days were a blur of sleep, pain, medication, and waking up to find Bea or Debbie peering at me.

By day five, I thought I would lose my mind and begged to be allowed out in the courtyard and Bea conceded. I knew I wasn’t being the easiest patient, either.

—

***Bea***

“Oh my god, was I this bad?”

I closed my bedroom door to let Allie sleep after she’d pronounced herself miraculously healed by the fresh air, and sighed at Debbie.

“No,” she answered.

I opened my mouth but Debbie held up a finger.

“You were way worse,” she grinned at me.

“She hates depending on us for everything. I know how that feels.”

“Good thing I have experience with stubborn patients,” Debbie said cheerfully.

I kissed her cheek gratefully.

—

Earlier that morning, Allie had demanded I help her put her socks and shoes on.

I’d given her a wry smile.

“No, I don’t think I will. Not with that attitude.”

Allie grinned.

“Oh yeah?”

I kissed her nose.

“Yeah.”

“Then Debbie will help me,” she shrugged happily.

My daughter laughed.

“Okay, Allie, but I would like to remind you that it’s shower night for you so... I think you’d prefer Mum’s assistance later. Might want to factor that.”

Allie rolled her eyes

“Fine. Bea, would you please help me with these? Pretty please,” she batted her lashes at me and I laughed despite myself.

“So I’m only allowed to help you if your upcoming tasks involve nudity?”

“Well, I definitely want you to _feature_ in those tasks. I think Debbie may have strong feelings on the issue as well.”

“I don’t,” Debbie gave her a grin. “If I’m doing it we are just going into the courtyard and I’ll spray you with the dish soap and the hose.”

Allie grimaced.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry, Bea. I’ll try harder. Kiss?”

I kissed her, apparently pulling away too soon judging by her heavy sigh and pouty face.

—

Nights were my watch but I noticed early on that Allie had a tougher time asking for help from me than from Debbie. I didn’t like it but I understood it and let her have as many choices, as much control, as I could.

“We’re going to bed at eight?” Allie asked me with a hint of protest.

“Yes. Think of it as practice for when we get old.”

That made her smile.

“Together.”

“Together,” I returned both the smile and the sentiment.

I settled her as comfortably as possible but didn’t administer her dose of painkillers and antibiotics just yet. My phone rang, right on time, and I picked up the FaceTime call and handed it to Allie.

“Someone really misses you.”

She smiled but it was a single lightbulb rather than the floodlights that lit up her face when she saw the screen.

“Mallie!”

“Leo! Hey, bub. How are you?”

“Missin’ you! Are you better yet?”

I heard her sniff and took the phone, handing her a tissue.

“Hey Leo!”

“Bea!” He grinned. “This is cool, bedtime story in the video! Mummy! I need the book!”

Bridget appeared on screen, followed by Franky, settling into his bed on either side of their boy.

“Hey, Red! How’s our girl?”

“Ask her yourself,” I smiled and made sure Allie was composed again before handing the phone back.

After a little visit and a bedtime story, Leo said goodnight to his Mallie and we promised a weekend visit.

We hung up and I felt Allie grip my hand tightly.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. Maybe we should have talked about it first,” I said hesitantly.

Her blonde head was shaking _no_.

“Happy,” she whispered.

I smiled and tapped her evening meds out into my palm, handing them to her with my glass of water.

“Franky and Debbie met up in town and bought matching books for FaceTime reading.”

“That is so… alarmingly sweet of them.”

I nodded my agreement.

“Bea, I bet it’s fine if we have sex, I mean-“

“Allie. Again with this. Would you stop?! Not until your doctor says it’s okay. Don’t look at me like that. In fact, don’t look at me. Avert your eyes!”

I held up a pillow between our heads, both of us giggling as she knocked it down and kissed me hard until I felt her hand moving up under my shirt.

“No, no. No.”

“But, Bea, my appointment is tomorrow and I’m sure the doctor-“

“When I hear it from her. Until then, cuddles are the most I can offer you.”

“Hmphh,” Allie made sure her displeasure was clearly noted.

“Okay, if you don’t want to cuddle,” I shrugged and shifted slightly away from her, only to grin when she yanked me close again.

“You’re getting your strength back,” I smiled.

“Yup! I bet I can even-“

“Goodnight, Allie.”

My grumbly girl adjusted herself until she was comfortable in her nest of pillows and opened her arms to me.

—

We slept surprisingly well, unaware that we would only make it three more days before someone was arrested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a cliffhanger here, I look forward to any guesses! I know that took a bit but it’s only because I am writing a ton of other stuff as well. Good things come to those who wait. 😉
> 
> I hope? I’ll leave that determination to you, Best Readers. 💜❤️


End file.
